Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

I felt the need to post this article.  I don't take credit for anything in it.

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime. 

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

  

Thursday, December 27, 2012

What are you looking at?

Something odd occurred at work the other day and it has been on my mind ever since.  I am hoping that writing about it will give me the needed closure.  One of my female co-workers asked me to come by her desk and assist with a report she has having difficulty formatting.  I stopped by the snack machine to grab some chips and proceeded to her desk.  When I sat down, she turned and looked at me to acknowledge my presence.  She quickly turned her head away.  She looked back at me smiling and turned away again.  She then asked me to leave her desk for about 5 seconds and to return.  I gave her a "What the hell?" look and walked off.  At this point in time, I was trying to determine what happened to cause her reaction.  Did I have something in my teeth?  Was there something in my nose? Did she need to adjust her clothing?  Many more possibilities raced through my mind over the next few minutes.  I returned to her desk and asked if she was ready to look at the report.  She said yes.  I asked what caused her reaction.  She told me that for some reason when she turned and looked at me, she started thinking of me in an inappropriate manner.  Do what? We work together everyday.  What about that particular moment in time made that thought cross your mind?  She later explained it was just something that came over her - no rhyme or reason.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas 2012

I guess that Christmas 2012 has passed by like any other day rather than being a holiday.  Well, I shouldn't say that because there have been a couple of good things that happened to me today.  First of all, I had to work.  Now I volunteered to work on this holiday so it's no big deal.  Just kinda sucks that the holiday fell on my usual day off so I work 6 days this week rather than 5.  My peers and I decided to collaborate on a meal for the managers because most eateries would be closed today.  The meal came out pretty well.  We had rotel, bbq smokies, cookies, cake, fruit and sandwiches.  Not a bad spread with only four people putting it together and feeding about a dozen.  When the evening shift came in, one of the supervisors told us we could leave since we had been there since the building opened.  I left and spent a little while chatting with a friend.  I currently sit at my house alone because my wife and kids are out of town.  I think I am going to do some cleaning up and then call Christmas 2012 a done deal.

Monday, December 24, 2012

True Beauty

I came home from work today with a lot on my mind.  As I walked to the front door, I glanced at the flower beds.  The cantalilies were simply green and brown stalks holding on for dear life preparing to succumb to winter's chill.  The rose bushes seemed to have lost the fight since most had little to no leaves.  One bush though, had not given up.  There, right next to my front door, was a white rose with pink highlights.  The only burst of life and color in the entire ten-foot long bed.  It was the perfect representation of true beauty.  It showed me that regardless of the surroundings, true beauty will always shine through.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Denied

My wife received her letter from the social security disability office yesterday.  She is out of town so I opened it to confirm what I already knew.  She was denied.  No disability check for her. I knew she would be denied.  The reason for the denial:  even though she suffers from depression, migraines and is bipolar the social security administration feels she is still able to work.  She may not be able to work the job she had previously but she can work.  Let's see what happens with her now. I've been telling her this all along.  She refused to believe me.  She wanted to go with what the doctor said.  Hope she realizes the denial decision was based on information from several sources including him.

So Much Drama in Da Dirty South

The nephew decided to text me yesterday to ask if I had a minute to talk.  I texted back ask what was the issue.  His vague response was "a lot of things."  I don't understand the youth of today.  I called him to see what the issue was this time with the mentality that I really don't give a fuck.  He decided to tell me that rather than give me the money he owes me, he gave it to one of his kids' mother since his little girl is about to start daycare.  This is where the story takes that fucked up turn.  He goes on to tell me there is a chance the baby may not be his and the chick admitted to this fact.  Do what?  Baby not his?  I told him I had no advice for him at this point and he may want to seek legal advice.  What in the hell?  Once again I need people to be careful who they lay up with.  I'm proof of that everyday now that I am dealing with my bipolar wife.  I have never seen so much unnecessary drama in my life.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Holiday Spirits

The last couple of days have succeeded in giving me reason to enjoy the spirits of the holiday season.  Yesterday, based on the great news I received about my readmission into school, I purchased a bottle of vodka as a congrats to myself.  Today, my manager gave me another bottle of flavored vodka for a Christmas gift.  Did I mention the wife and kids are out of town?  Things are really shaping up for me to be able to enjoy the spirits of the holiday.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Finally Some Good News

I have really gotten to the point I dislike having my cell phone.  Granted I work in a call center during the day and a pizza chain at night, I don't mind talking on the phone.  My problem comes with WHO is calling all the time.  I realize these people are only doing their job but I am at the point I have the script for my mortgage company memorized.  I even went thru the whole thing one day with no prompting from the agent because she caught me at a bad time.  Today, however, I received some welcome news.  My appeal for readmission into online classes was approved.  I've got another chance to achieve my goal.  When my advisor called me today with the news I was elated.  I told her the phone call was the best Christmas gift I could have received this year.  Now I just have to make the most of this opportunity.  

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Friends


I’ve talked many times about the relationship I have with my real friends.  My ride or die compadres.  One of my friends texted me on Monday night saying she may need a ride to the doctor on Tuesday because she was ill.  I had an eye appointment Tuesday morning so I asked what time she needed to go.  Tuesday morning I went by her house to check on her.  She looked and sounded terrible.  She called her physician and was told to come in immediately.  I took her to the doctor and spent the next two hours of my off day in the office with her.  After getting her diagnosis, we went to the pharmacy to drop off the prescriptions.  I took her home and returned to the pharmacy to get her medicine.  I dropped the medicine off on my way to work.  That’s the advantage of having real friends.  They will be there for you through thick and thin, sickness and in health.  

Working for Nothing


The nephew’s bank statement showed up the other day.  I was unaware it was here because I seldom check the mail.  While speaking with my wife about him and his current financial status, she mentioned the statement.  We looked at it to see if we could figure out where he was spending his money cause it obviously was not being spent on my household.  I was dumbfounded by what I saw.  The statement detailed the fact his account was $200 overdrawn at the beginning of the month.  He got paid which erased the overdraft and then proceeded to spend more money.  He again caused his account to be overdrawn by about $200.  The statement actually had a line stating the total overdraft fees for the year which exceeded $1400.  That’s enough to pay truck note and mortgage for one month.  Now I see why he has no money.  He is basically working to pay the bank.  He is working for nothing.  

Wile E Coyote

Have you ever watched the old Wile E. Coyote/Road Runner cartoons?  To this day it amazes me that Wile E.  spent years of his life plotting and planning to catch this elusive bird and always failed.  No matter what scheme he hatched or how much he charged on his Acme card, he could never succeed.  I always wonder what would have happened if he actually caught the Road Runner.  I am starting to feel that way in my life.  I have tried and tried yet some things just won’t work out the way I want them to.  I’m starting to think I’m a modern day Wile E Coyote.  With that being said, I think this modern day coyote is going to do the smart thing and give up the chase.  No use wasting time on what will not be.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Inside That I Cried

Inside that I cried.  That's how I used to be.  I used to have this awesome poker face.  I could look like nothing was bothering me when my world was in fact, in total chaos.  I used to keep everything to myself.  I used to keep my problems inside so as to not bother others.  The problem with keeping everything inside is that eventually there has to be a release.  I have started to release more and more as my life continues its downward spiral.  In the past, no one knew anything about me.  Today, I am willing to tell every intricate detail of my existence to anyone willing to listen.  I have to get back to how I used to be.  Gotta get back to crying only on the inside.

Crime and Punishment

There's a saying that goes "don't do the crime if you can't do the time."  My two oldest children decided to do something they were not supposed to do today and are having to learn a harsh lesson.  My wife called me  around 2pm today to inform me that our two oldest children decided to skip school today.  Apparently rather than get on the bus this morning they decided to go into the attic and hide out all day.  Good news is that neither of them were hurt.  The punishment for skipping school had to be severe.  I decided the punishment would be no Christmas gifts for either of them.  The middle child ran down the hall crying.  The eldest, in true defiance, was nonchalant.  She muttered under her breath that she had money and could get her own gift.  I guess she has forgotten that she can't drive to go anywhere to purchase said gift.  Let's wait and see how my girls deal with crime and punishment.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Times Have Changed


My eldest daughter had her choir concert tonight.  This was a shining example of how things have changed over the years.  First of all, for it to be an event at night at the school, I expected some type of security.  Nope.  When we walked into the building there was a group of kids handing out programs.  They were dressed in jeans, tennis shoes and one girl was even wearing a cap.  Not exactly what you expect walking into a choir program.  As we approached the auditorium there was a young man sitting on the floor talking on his cell phone while it was plugged into the wall charging.  During the program I noticed a woman recording the show with her tablet PC.  Many others were taking pics and recording the show with their smartphones.  Long gone are the days of big bulky camcorders.  Times have surely changed.  

Unfit to Work

Based on the conversation with the doctor yesterday, it has been determined my wife is unfit to work a strenuous full time job.  The doctor said she should be able to handle light duty.  What the hell is light duty?  Basically this son of a bitch told me that my wife needs to be a housewife.  Great.  She’s been out of work 6.5 months and is no better at keeping the house up than she was when she was working full time.  Maybe he should have said she is unfit to do any type of work. 

These are Her Confessions – Thoughts of Suicide

While at the doctor yesterday my wife made a confession.  She always seems to want to reveal these dark truths when we are at one of her doctors.  She told the doctor and myself that she hadn’t been sleeping at night.  She told us that she sits up at night thinking of ways to kill herself and she does not know why.  She told us she took 11 sleeping pills one night recently.  Guess what?  They didn’t work.  She woke up the next morning.  I’m not too sure if it was a miracle or luck.  What I do know is that her doctor is a motherfucking fool for prescribing more of the same pill after that confession. 

WTF – Not Pregnant

My youngest daughter is 3yrs old.  I’m starting this entry off with that information because it plays a vital part in understanding what I am about to say.  I went to my wife’s appointment with her yesterday.  As we were leaving the office, we stopped at the payment window and were greeted by the new secretary.  She looked at my wife and asked “how far along are you?”  My wife looked and said “I’m not pregnant.”  WTF?!  As a female, if your stomach is big to the point people think you are pregnant when you aren’t and you did not recently give birth, you’ve got a problem.  It’s time to get off the couch, out the bed and in somebody gym or on the floor doing some crunches.  It’s funny how she wants to be someone I am proud to have on my arm.  She used to be that.  Nowadays – not so much.  

The Hand I was Dealt - Countdown to Losing Everything

Until recently I think I did a pretty good job of handling the hand life dealt me.  I kept a few aces up my sleeve just in case things didn’t go my way.  I guess life decided to switch things up and change dealers.  And this new motherfucker is ruthless.  Every time I think I have the upper hand, he pulls a Joker.  I can’t compete with that no matter how hard I try.  I think it is time to begin my countdown to losing everything.  I never thought I would reach this point in my life.  Working hard and always hustling has gotten me through some tough times.  This time however, there isn’t a hustle in the world that can turn things around.  I’m going to do what I can to survive as long as I can but eventually everything I have worked so hard to get will be gone. 

Don’t Hate the Personality

My wife decided to accompany me to my appointment yesterday.  Needless to say, that did not go well for her.  When I walked into the office the administrative assistant instantly greeted me by saying my name.  The nurse called me back to check my vitals. As usual I was cracking jokes about what the test results would say.  I saw the doctor (who happened to be female) and it was pretty much the same routine.  I just have one of those personalities where people like me.  When we left the office and got in the car, the first thing out of my wife’s mouth was “do you flirt everywhere you go?”  I just looked at her.  Call it what you want.  I know who I am and what I do.  And I bring smiles to people everywhere I go.

WTF – Fashion No-No

We have been having some weird weather lately.  Well I shouldn’t say weird because it is typical of this time of year.  Freezing temps over night and mid 60s by noon.  With that in mind, I saw what I consider a fashion no-no today.  I was driving past a park with a walking trail.  I saw a young lady walking the path.  She was wearing a sweatshirt, some tights and snow boots.  WTF?  First of all, it rarely snows here.  I mean like rarely to the point that an inch of snow would shut shit down.  Secondly, who the hell goes walking for exercise in snow boots?  

Letting Go of the Past

I am a huge fan of my past.  I find myself spending hours on the internet watching old videos from the 90s.  That was a happy time in my life.  Graduated in the mid 90s and went off to college.  I had my whole life to look forward to.  I should have known when our first child was born life was going to take a drastic turn.  I thought if I keep pushing the woman in my life she would become successful with me.  That didn’t happen.  I keep looking to my past looking for answers and I’m not finding them.  I guess it is time to let go of the past and move on.

Don’t Use My Children Against Me

One of the things I dislike the most about my wife is when she tries to use my children against me.  She puts the children in the middle of our personal conflicts and uses them as a shield.  Prime example occurred yesterday.  I was pissed off after her doctor’s appointment.  Rather than cursing her for the rest of the day I went the opposite direction and decided not to talk to her at all.  Due to the silent treatment, she decided to stay in my room (my mancave).  There is where I sleep every night without her.  So why did she feel so obliged to come into the room with our 3yr old and make a place on the floor to sleep?  I guess she figured I would not act a fool because our child was there.  She was right partly.  I didn’t act a fool.  I chose to sleep in the bedroom by myself.  Once again, don’t use my children against me.  Things will not work out the way you want. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Doctor's Visit

I had another doctor visit today.  Today I had to go see the team of people who handle my diabetes.  My wife decided to take along on this trip.  Needless to say, things were interesting. First of all, when my blood pressure was checked, it was a little high.  Nothing major, just high.  My A1c was down to single digits but still not where we want it to be.  While we were in the lobby, I was reading an article about the symptoms of high blood glucose.  One of the symptoms was erectile dysfunction.  I showed the article to my wife because I had mentioned to her recently that my blood sugar was the cause of us not being able to be intimate one night.  So when we were talking to the doctor she wanted me to bring up the matter.  The doctor's response...pills.  She explained options like Cialis and Viagra run about $25 per pill and are not covered by insurance.  She told me about another pill made by the same company for about half the price.  She gave me some samples to try.  We'll see how this works out.

I Don't Know What to Tell You

Last night the nephew came to me with a situation.  He informed me that the young lady who caught a charge for had visited his job.  He went on to tell me she spoke to his current girlfriend.  She told the current girlfriend she lied about the whole situation with the nephew.  He asked me what should he do about it.  I told him he could talk to the young lady and see if she would be willing to talk to a lawyer/judge about the truth to try and clear his name.  I also told him it may be too late because the damage has been done.  I don't know what to tell him.  I have never been in a situation remotely close to what he is going through.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

What Makes Me Smile

This morning a friend sent me a text message.  Simply reading it made me smile.  I've been thinking about that message as I have been growing throughout my day.  It doesn't take much to make me smile.  I've been watching old 90s videos on youtube for the last 1.5 hours thinking about the good old days.  I was reminded of a happier time in my life.  I was reminded of what it takes to make me smile.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago

Things seemed to be ok in my life just a week ago.  I had a conversation with one of my managers.  He told me it was the end of the year and time for annual reviews.  He told me he appreciated my help with trying to maintain the business and help it grow.  I had started to regain my focus and attention at my full time job and was preparing to lead my team in to the new year.  Then BAM! Shit happens.  Apparently I took too long to decide to lead my team into 2013 because my manager has decided to take some unique measures to ensure my success.  Good news is that I still have the job.  My other manager decided to tell me that for some reason the weekly reports had not been sent to our corporate team the last couple of weeks and that I must be doing something wrong.  Now mind you that I have been doing these reports for years with no problem.  Oh, almost forgot to mention the stuff at home.  First of all, my wife is having suicidal thoughts again.  As usual we spent all around each other and she said nothing. As soon as I left for work, I received a text about her head hurting and not being able to sleep so she was thinking of ways to kill herself.  And finally for this week, my wife decided to text me again while I was at work to tell me that our eldest child is gay.  I have no problems with my child being gay.  My problem comes from the fact that the wife found out about our child's sexual preference via facebook and then communicated the info to me via text.  It's times like this when I hate modern technology and social media.  I want to go back in time.  Things were all good just a week ago.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

I Ain't Got No Worries

My wife raised a concern to me today stating I seem to be heading back down a path of destruction from earlier in our marriage.  One of my female co-workers has started to text and call me a lot.  There is nothing going on between us and I can say she is happily married with kids.  She just likes having someone to relate to at work.  My seems to think there may be more to the story.  I gave her my relationship quote:  "If you are taking care of your partner, physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually then he/she is not going to leave."  After I made that statement, my wife said she was not sure where she rated because I never provide her with feedback about the physical and with her not working, the financial is bust.  I ain't got no worries cause I am taking care of my business.   Hope she takes that message to heart.

Monday, December 3, 2012

That Shit Ain't Cute

I am one of the first people to say every outfit is not made for every body.  Just because it looks good in a magazine, on a mannequin or even on your friend, does not mean it will look good on you.  Take today for an example.  I saw a young lady trying to look cute in a sweater dress, tights and heel boots.  Now the outfit itself was a great ensemble.  The body it was wrapped around not so much.  I need people to really know how to look at themselves in a reflective surface and truly question if they should be seen in public in certain clothes.  

WTF Moment - Common Sense

Some things in life are just common sense.  If it is raining outside you either stay indoors or find something to keep the water off of you.  If it is cold outside, you grab something to keep you warm.  If your car is making a loud, strange noise, you get it checked out.  At least that is what the average person does.  Needless to say, my not so average wife has been transporting my children around in the van and it sounds terrible.  There is a knocking which seems to be coming from the passenger side.  Add to this the fact that it looks like someone hit the side of the van and left paint on it.  WTF?  You tell me you saw it a couple of days ago and didn’t tell me?  It’s days like this that really make me wanna become an alcoholic.

Who Motivates the Motivator?

I try to be a motivator to most people in my life.  I try to see the best in people and encourage them to put forth effort.  I like to make people smile, laugh and enjoy life.  What happens, however, when I am the one who needs encouragement?  What happens when I hit a rut and don’t want to be bothered?  Who motivates the eternal motivator?

Give it Up, Turn it Loose

I have been told that if you love someone or something you should have enough faith to let it go.  If the person or the thing comes back to you, then it was meant to be.  That’s the hard part - letting go.  I have reached a point in my life once again where I need to just let go cause I’m holding on to something with a deteriorating thread.  Guess it’s time to give it up and turn it loose. 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Thankful

I'm thankful for the way my body handles my disease for the most part.  I'm thankful that during a hypoglycemic episode candy or glucose tablets can correct the issue and allow me to function.  I'm thankful that during a hyperglycemic episode, a dose of insulin, some water and time are all that's needed to correct the issue.   I'm thankful that my body does not want to go to the hospital and even when it is not at its best, it is good enough to perform most of the tasks asked of me.  I'm thankful that so far, my disease is not life-threatening.