She Had a Bad Day

The wife had a bad day on Friday.  She got up Friday morning to go get copies of her medical records.  There was a cost of $20.  Of course, she didn't have any money.  To make matters worse, they would not accept just my card number - they needed the physical card.  Ok.  Move forward a couple of hours and she picked up our youngest from daycare.  She was presented with the bill.  Apparently this was too much for her to deal with.  She came to my job and sat in the parking lot texting and calling me.  She said she needed to see me.  When I finally was able to get downstairs, she explained what happened.  I told her to relax and I would get the medical records after work.  As far as daycare payment goes, they can wait til payday.  I just need her to realize she can't let little stuff like that bother her.  We can't afford for her to have any really bad days.

WTF - Child Support Payments

The nephew received a letter in the mail the other day from the Department of Human Services.  Knowing his limited reading ability, I opened it to determine the nature of the letter.  The letter explained he is currently $1000 behind on child support for his 2nd child.  I talked to him about the child support and he told me the payments were no longer being taken from his paycheck.  WTF?!! So you think just because they stop taking money out your check, you don't have to pay for the care of your child?  And if they stopped taking money out of your check, where the hell are these extra funds?  I talked to the nephew and made a life threatening statement.  I informed him several people had mentioned to me that based on his actions and the fact he was always broke but had no real bills, it seemed like he had a drug habit.  I politely told him that if he had a habit, drugs, alcohol or whatever, he needed to let it go.  I went on to tell him that if at any time I find out he had a drug habit and he brought that shit around my 3 little girls, I would wrap both my hands around his neck and choke the life out of him after I called 911 to come get me for murder.  He has called DHS and they are supposed to make arrangements about the past due payments.  I hope he gets everything in line before this 3rd baby arrives.

Pitter Patter of Adult Feet

The nephew tried to have a "man to man" talk with me yesterday about his current life situations.  He was once again asking for my advice and guidance.  At this point, I can't provide any new information.  He has gotten himself into a world I will never experience so I am unable to tell him what roads to take.  His current pregnant girlfriend spoke to me yesterday and explained she has been put out of her mother's house.  She asked if she could stay with us for a little while until she could find other living arrangements.  I thought about it for a little while and decided to say yes.  I talked to my wife about the situation and she reluctantly agreed. So now we will have the pitter patter of another pair of adult feet in the house.

Tomorrow's Surgery

With all that has been going on in my life and the lives of others around me, I've been trying to balance my emotions.  I have not been doing a good job of it.  I cannot get the surgery off of my mind.  I think my biggest concern is the "what if something goes wrong" thoughts.  Those thoughts are not so much my own.  They belong to others who opt to provide their opinion.  The doctor told me I should be able to return to work in a few days.  These negative bastards are talking about "you better take at least a week off.  you trying to rush back to work and you not gonna heal properly."  Anybody that really knows me can tell you, I don't miss work.  So after the doctor removes this crap from my leg and I give it a few days to relax, it's back to business as normal.  I'm just ready to be done with tomorrow's surgery.

Unwanted Results

My MRI follow up did not go as I had hoped.  I spoke with the doctor and he has decided the best option is surgery.  Nothing real intrusive.  Just a small cut in the back of my leg to remove what they are calling a "small tissue mass."  It's an outpatient procedure so I will not require any hospital time.  I'll just need a few days of rest.  At least that is what I am hoping.  I am actually more concerned about this surgery than I was when I had my vasectomy years ago.  I'm not too sure why.  I've told the people in my life that I feel should know about it and they are supportive.  Maybe their support will be all I need to get past these unwanted results.

Diabetes and the Continuous Monitor

I went to the doctor Thursday and received my training for using the continuous monitoring system.  Unlike traditional methods of pricking a finger at any given time to get a blood sugar reading, I now have a sensor that checks the blood sugar level every 10 minutes or so and transmits the data to my insulin pump.  I still have to stick my finger at least twice a day to make sure the sensor is providing accurate readings.  The good thing about continuous monitoring is that I can now see if there are any patterns as it comes to my sugar levels.  The bad thing about the system is that it has alerts set and once a problem occurs (high or low blood sugar) the monitor will continue to alert the pump until I am out of the danger zone.  Looks like I have to really focus and do right now or suffer the consequences.

Better to Give than to Receive

Continuing on my project from yesterday, I went through all of my youngest daughters' clothes and pulled out the items they had outgrown.  Usually my next step would be a trip to the local Goodwill to make a charitable donation.  I took a different route today.  I texted one of my co workers who had a daughter about the right size for some of the clothes.  I ended up dropping off a large basket of miscellaneous items including dresses, pants, shirts and coats to her.  She was very appreciative and said the outfits looked fabulous.  This is the same co worker who told me she would have to do something for me next week to make up for my birthday because money was tight this week.  I told her not to worry about my birthday and I was happy to give the clothes to someone I know could use them.  This is definitely one of those cases when it feels a lot better to give than to receive.

Nervous about the Results

I am really starting to get nervous about the results of my MRI.  The pain in my leg continues and at times it seems worse.  I was standing talking to someone yesterday when it hit me.  All I could do was close my eyes and grit my teeth for a few seconds.  I have never had any type of major surgery.  I don't know how I will function if I am not able to move around and do what I normally do day to day.  More importantly, I don't know how my family will function.  Maybe I am worrying over nothing.  I just have to wait until tomorrow morning and find out what the results show the doctor.

Birthday 2013

To say my birthday this year was a huge let down would be an understatement.  97% of the day was not even about me.  I spent my day focusing on other people and what they needed.  I drove a co worker to and from work due to car problems.  I took my two youngest daughters to the dentist.  I watched a movie online.  I pulled all of my daughters' clothes out of the room which used to be theirs (currently occupied by the wife's nephew) so I can try to organize them because I became enraged seeing their dresses in piles on the floor.  I went to work and that was it.  Yea you read right.  I got text messages from 5 people yesterday wishing me a happy birthday.  What really hurts my feelings was that the people I really expected to wish me a happy birthday didn't.  One person didn't even say "hi" to me.  Oh well.  Time to stop pouting and move on.  I guess when you don't make a big deal out of your birthday, no one else will do it for you.

Rick Ross Money - BMF

The nephew got his income tax refund last week and in true BMF fashion, I think he is broke already.  He paid me part of the $1300 he owes me.  He gave a significant amount to his baby mama cause he claimed his little girl on taxes.   Another $2000+ was invested into a used car from the local dealer.  I'm happy he was able to get the car with no co-signer which means I have no part in that equation.  Now that he has reliable transportation, I hope he is able to secure more hours at work or find a second job so he can start working on saving money.  If he continues down his usual path, he will be broke and carless by the end of summer.

Doctor Visit - The Orthopedic Version

I went back to the orthopedic specialist after spending over a month wearing an ankle brace.  Since this whole process started, I have purchased 3 pairs of shoes as well as a leg brace to sleep in.  This past week while at home, I noticed some type of bump on the back of my leg right behind the knee.  I mentioned it to the doctor because when I touched it, the pain ran down my leg to my foot.  He placed his hand on my leg to  determine what I was talking about.  As soon as he made contact, his reaction was that an MRI needs to be done.  So my next appointment is on Monday and it is for an MRI of my knee.  I really hope whatever is on my leg can be cured by medicine or physical therapy.  I am just not comfortable with the idea of any type of surgery that involves my knee.

Doctor Visit - The Diabetic Version

I went to see my diabetic specialist last week.  I actually had a good visit.  I had gained 2 pounds since my last trip.  My A1C level was 8.8.  Now for most diabetics that is still high but for someone who is historically in double digits, 8.8 is awesome.  Based on those numbers, we made no changes to my medications.  I got my usually lecture about being sure to test more to help keep things under control.  Next visit is in two months.

Causing Unnecessary Panic

I came home last night from work and pulled into the driveway.  Upon my arrival, I noticed the side door to my wife's van was opened.  My initial thought was that someone had broken into the van.  A closer look proved me wrong.  It looked as if everything was still in the vehicle.  I went inside the house to ask my wife if she had been to the van recently.  Her response was that she had not been outside for the past 6 hours.  I told her she want to check the can cause the side door was wide open.  She rolled over and went back to sleep.  I hate getting myself worked up over nothing.  I guess I need to take some advice from my wife and just not give a fuck about causing unnecessary panic.  

WTF Moment - And then there were 3

My nephew called me a little while ago.  I was not really in the mood to deal with any of his usual stupidity.  He did not fail to provide some anyway.  He decided to tell me that the girl he is currently dating found out she is pregnant.  WTF?  Really?  So you got another child on the way?  OMG!  You are 22 years old with a  high school education, a convicted felon and about to be a father of three?  What in the hell?  Now more than ever he has got to get his shit together and get out my house.  The last thing I plan on dealing with is him and his 3 baby mamas.

My Lack of Blogging

It's been a week and a half since my last entry.  Part of the reason is because of laziness - I just didn't have the desire to sit in front of my computer and pour my heart out to the couple of people who read this.  Part of it was fatigue - a couple of nights I planned to blog after checking email and ended up going straight to sleep.  Part of it is not knowing what to say - so much is going on with me right now, I don't know what should take priority.  I do know this.  Based on the last couple of days, I have to get some stuff off my chest.  Otherwise, things could get real ugly real quick.

Running on Fumes

Sunday night proved to me I am simply running on fumes these days and am in need of some serious rest.  I should have known something was wrong with my because I had to focus so much on driving home.  When I got to the house, I shut off my truck and sat there for a sec.  At least I thought it was a second.  I closed my eyes and when I opened them, it was hours later.  I had actually slept in my truck that night.  I was too tired mentally and physically when I got home to take the short journey from the driveway to my couch.  I am running on fumes.  And right now I don't know when I will have time to refuel.

The Dinner Party

One of my co-workers wanted to have a dinner party at her house.  I was all in for it.  Gameplan was to have it on a day most of us were off from work so we could eat, drink and be merry.  The dinner happened last night and it was awesome.  There was an awesome food spread.  Baked and fried fish, jumbalaya, potato salad, salad, peach cobbler and more.  There was also plenty to drink. I walked in the door and was welcomed with a mango smoothie.  I followed that with an amaretto sour.  I had a couple more concoctions we created on the fly while we were laughing and joking.  All in all it was a great time.  It was nice to be able to hang out with peers away from work and have fun.  I'm really looking forward to the next one.

Learning When to Give Up

I have never been the type of person who quits.  I keep trying and plugging away at something until I figure it out - if I really want to get it accomplished.  I think that may be my problem with getting my degree online.  I have failed the same class three times.  It's not like the class is hard, I could do coursework in my sleep without reading the book.  My problem in all three failed attempts is that I did not take the time to do the work.  I received failing grades because I did not turn in assignments.  I guess it really is time for me to give up trying to get that degree.  I am not at a point in life where I can dedicate the time and focus to the program required to be successful.  Guess I need to learn when to give up on a dream.

Failed Suicide / A Cry for Attention

This time last week I was sitting in an ER room waiting to find out my wife's condition.  Last Wednesday she decided to take all of her prescription medications in addition to some pills for our oldest daughter in an attempt to kill herself.  At least, that's what she says.  Speaking with family and friends, we've decided that she was simply wanting attention and trying to kill herself was the method she chose to get it.  Good news is that the medications she took were not enough to be toxic so she survived with no complications.  She ended up spending 2 nights in the psych ward at the hospital again and then came home.  This is going to sound cold to those who don't know me but this shit is getting old.  I am tired of having to deal with her desire to always be the center of attention and putting our daughters through this.  Funny thing is that only the youngest  girl cried; the older two took a "whatever" approach to her being back in the hospital.

We Don't Speak the Same Language

I got home from work tonight and decided to check my email before going to bed.  I had a message from my wife with the subject line "Your Love Language."  The body of the email was as follows:


Physical Touch

This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

I have a problem with this.  I don't speak this language when it comes to her anymore. So now what do I do?