Never Have I Ever

I remember playing Never Have I Ever with my peers at some of our old gatherings.  It was amazing to hear people come up ridiculous things they had done to try and top each other.  More recently, however, I've been playing my own personal game of Never Have I Ever and I'm not liking the outcome.  My finances have gone from bad to worst to hell.  A couple of weeks ago my cell phone was turned off due to nonpayment.  It was nice to not receive multiple calls daily from creditors trying to collect but I was worried about missing important messages from friends and family.  Then yesterday was the big one.  My wife called me while I was at work and told me a tow truck was at the house looking for my vehicle.  I told him where I was located and he came to repossess my vehicle.  Never have I ever been in such a financial bind. 

Current Relationship Status

When filling out basic paperwork like: job applications, tax documents, apartment/housing leases etc. there is usually a section about your marital status. The choices are single, married, divorced, widowed.  In today's society, the categories need to be updated.  They should include options such as: dating, fresh out of a serious relationship and open relationship.  That's where my current relationship status would fall.  Throw on your thinking caps for this one.  I'm married.  I have a girlfriend which my wife is aware of.  She has a boyfriend who I've met and talked to like an old friend. Hope you got all that.  I'll explain how we got to this point as I continue to update and add posts to this blog. 

Where Should I Begin?

Here we are 6 months down the road since my last post.  I thought I had left out stuff before but now it's even worse.  I've got so much going on in my life, I could probably write 3 separate blogs.  One would be dedicated to work.  One would have to cover my finances.  And the last would detail my personal life.  Of course the 3 would intertwine because you can't have one without the other.  I know I said this last time but I am really going to have to get back to posting to this blog.  The good thing about this is that it's not social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat.  You'd really have to stumble across it to know that it even exists.  So what I post will basically be lost in cyberspace until someone gets super bored and decides to read it. And even at that point, unless you really know me, you won't be able to connect all the pieces because I think I do a pretty good job of not mentioning names. 

Damn it! I Hate Deja Vu sometimes!

I feel like I've been down this road before and I really hate how things went.  I've become involved with a female friend.  She has a boyfriend.  I know my role and stay in my place.  We had a conversation yesterday which alarmed me.  She told me that she "gave in" to him and then had sex. I have no problem with that.  They are both consenting adults.  My problem came up when she said he got rough with her.  She didn't go into details but I'm sure she will eventually.  I'm not a fan of any male who puts his hands on a female when she does not ask for it.  I'm not a fan of guys who sweet talk women into sexual acts they are uncomfortable with.  This scenario happened before and I really don't want to see a sequel. 

Why Am I Mad?

I'm usually a pretty laid back person.  I don't let things get to me and I don't hold grudges.  I just keep it pushing and let karma deal with others.  Don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated from time to time especially since I work in fast food and retail.  My jobs aren't the source of my frustration right now though.  I had a conversation with a close friend of mine last night.  She and I are super close and hang out frequently.  Yesterday she decided to do something nice for her boyfriend for his birthday.  She planned to take him out to eat.  The restaurant they chose was packed so they ended up getting a hotel room.  Still not too sure why they couldn't find another place to eat.  Anyway all he wanted to do was fuck.  She has not crossed that line with him yet so the situation was uncomfortable.  He started to play rough and she had to make him stop.  He fell asleep so she texted me to meet her.  She told me about what happened.  She told me she needed to see me because she wanted to feel safe.  I was fairly quiet during the conversation last night but it's been on my mind ever since.  So now I'm asking myself - Am I mad because she went to a hotel with this dude or am I mad because of the fact that he scared her?  I don't know but I wish I could figure it out so I can move on.

It's Been A Long Time

I can't believe I forgot about this blog.  So much has happened since my last post.  I don't even know where to begin.  There's no way for me to remember and post about all the foolishness that is my life.  Guess I'll try to get back into posting every few days.  I've got a lot on my mind these days and I have to get it out somehow.  I guess taking back to the blog will be my best option. 

I Can't Swim and I'm Drowning in Debt

I know that a lot of people face financial problems.  It's the way of the world.  We live outside of our budget trying to survive. My problem is that my budget has changed and been altered due to no fault of my own.  Last December I was demoted at one of my jobs because I was unwilling to travel 3-4 hours away from home to work with no notice.  Sorry but I have 2 school age daughters so I can't just up and leave.  I also have a second job through which I have my health insurance.  I have to maintain a certain number of hours per week to receive those benefits.  So the demotion cost me about $300 per month.  I filed my taxes as soon as I had all the necessary paperwork, hoping to play catch up.  Unfortunately, the US Dept. of Education caught up with my tax refund first and took all of it because my wife was not paying on her student loans.  Oh the joy of filing married and jointly.  We are currently trying to get the money back since her loans are supposed to be written off.  As of yesterday however, we are 4 months behind on the mortgage so we are at the point of foreclosure.  My account is already overdrafted because I'm trying to keep the lights and water on.  I need supplies to take care of my diabetes but I can't afford to order them.  I also need a doctor to write new prescriptions for the supplies but I can't afford an office visit.  As the title of this post states, I'm drowning in debt.  And the way things are looking, I may be going under with no hope of survival. 

Release Therapy

It's been a long time since I posted anything to this blog.  I was actually wondering if it still existed.  I really need this in my life right now.  I need an outlet.  I need somewhere I can get stuff off my chest and out of my mind.  My blog used to be that place.  I think it needs to be that place again.  This is where I will have my release therapy. 

Dope Money

Working in the area where I am employed makes for some awesome stories to share with friends and family in regards to complete obscurity.  Yesterday I was at work and a young man came in to make a purchase.  He was visibly high on something.  (Bloodshot eyes, smoked out lips) He was so bad that I could actually smell weed on him.  He paid for his items and left.  Later I went to cash another customer out and this strange scent caught my nose.  I couldn't quite figure out what it was.  This continued every time I went to the register.  I did a quick self check to make sure my deodorant was working.  I checked the return basket to see if any perishable food was in it.  Still nothing.  And then, the light bulb went off inside my head.  The scent was coming from the cash in the register.  Apparently the high young man had been around so much weed that his money smelled like weed and every time I opened the cash drawer, the scent was coming out.  Talk about dope money! 

Blame it on the Zodiac

I often blame my actions on my zodiac sign.  Born an Aries, I am very unique.  I think I brought this up once before in my blog that the best description I have ever seen for an Aries is a Garfield bookmark that said: "Aries are blunt, direct and have the compassion of a rock."  That bluntness and direct approach attracts people but it can also get me in trouble because I sometimes forget to filter myself.   I was chatting with one of my co-workers a few nights ago and I have to say she is an attractive young lady.  She joked with me about how she does not mess with married men.  The conversation was mostly about me and things I have been through.  She was quite intrigued and kept saying "I knew it" when I would tell her about some of my exploits.  With that in mind and alcohol in my system (so much for that damn filter), I told her about a proposition I made to another female a while back.  I told my co-worker that I offered the female dinner, transportation and a nice hotel room on the day of her choice for an opportunity to taste her.  Not have sex mind you, I just wanted a taste.  My co-worker said "you just tell me when and where.  I don't have to pick anything."  I laughed and told her I wasn't propositioning her but I would keep that in mind.  So as we were about to part ways, I asked my co-worker where was her phone.  I told her to put my number in it.  Her response was "Oh. So you just gonna make me put your number in my phone?"  I looked at her and said "I see you pulled it out and are adding my name so I guess that means yes."  Blame it on the Zodiac.  Aries are used to getting what they want in life.     

He Wanna Be My First

The young man I blogged about a couple of weeks ago reached out to me again this week.  During our conversation I asked why choose me knowing that I had never been with a guy.  He said it was just something about me and that he would love to be my first.  I have experienced many firsts in my life but I am not sure what to do about this situation.  What is really throwing me off is that I am not completely against the idea.  Maybe because I am not homophobic.  Maybe because my wife does not do it for me anymore.  Maybe because I hate telling people know when they ask me for things.  I don't know what the case is but I need to determine what I am going to do. 

Moving, Moving, Moving

Karma has a funny way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it.  Case in point is the nephew.  He was staying in a house with his latest baby mama and some other people.  Apparently the person they were renting from was unaware of his status as a registered sex offender until last month.  When the homeowner found out, he gave them 2 weeks to move out.  Well, the nephew knew he couldn't come back here, especially with a baby.  His choice?  He went back to his hometown.  He will be renting a house from a friend of his family up there.  I hope this move is a good one for him cause that boy is always moving, moving, moving and going no where fast. 

Texting the Wrong Person

A couple of weeks ago I was in a texting frenzy.  I had 3 different conversations going at the same time between my wife and 2 friends.  One of the friends was the young lady who moved away over a year ago.  I was telling her we should Skype so I can get a chance to see her.  I also stated we can't let 2 years go by without actually physically laying eyes on each other. That's where the problem came in.  The text that said we need to see each other went to the wife rather than the friend.  Drama followed.  The wife played it cool for a couple of days and then confronted me about the text.  I told her exactly who the text was intended for.  She then asked if she could see my text messages.  She was met with a stern "no."  She then asked why she could not see them.  I politely told her that the messages were not meant for her so they were none of her business.  Not too sure what she was expecting me to say but I damn sure wasn't worried that I texted the wrong person. 

My Crazy Life

I can't believe that I have let over 2 weeks go by without posting to my blog.  It's not like I don't have time to post.  I guess it is more laziness than anything.  I am really going to have to get back to posting on a more regular basis.  With my two closest friends both moving away, this is going to start being my outlet - my release therapy if you will.  I've got a lot to talk about that has happened in the last couple of weeks. I guess I should get started. 

The Art of Attraction

I've been thinking about the art of attraction a lot these past few days.  Several things have happened to make me question what attracts me to people and vice versa.  The first situation that comes to mind was when I was contacted by one of my formers subordinates.  The conversation started off with the typical "hey what you been up to?"  Then things took a turn.  He (yes you read that right) decided to tell me that he thought I was cute.  Now, don't get me wrong, I know that I am cute.  But to hear it from a guy caught me off guard.  We're not talking "that's a nice outfit you have on cute."  This was "I think you are sexy and want to sleep with you cute."  I didn't make things any better because I continued the conversation to see how serious he was.  He knows that I am married with kids.  I also was sure to tell him that I had never been with a guy.  He still continued to try and see if anything could possibly happen.  The whole situation caught me off guard.  I'm not too sure what to think or do at this point.  The other situation about attraction that got to me this week was with my wife.  Same story, different day.  I was home one night this week and she came walking through the house naked.  Now most husbands would give their soul to the devil for an opportunity like that.  Me on the other hand, I had to bite my tongue.  I realized I continue to not be physically attracted to my wife.  I really wanted her to put some clothes on.  There is an art to being attractive.  Some people are Picasso and others can't paint by numbers.  

WTF Moment - I'm Older Than I Look

For some reason, I have been given the gift of a youthful appearance.  Even though I celebrated my 37th birthday a couple of weeks ago, I could still pass for a teenager in the right clothes.  With that in mind, below is an exchange I had with a customer at my store last week.  An older lady approached me while I was stocking shelves and this is what she said:

Her:  How your little young self get to be a manager?
Me:  How old do you think I am?
Her:  You can't be no more than 19
Me:  Mam, I have a teenager at home myself
Her:  (Puzzled look on face) How old are you?
Me:  I turned 37 last week. 
Her:  37? You don't look like you past 19!
Me:  Thanks.  It's a gift and a curse.

She is not the first person to question my age and I am sure she won't be the last. 

Seeing is Believing

My wife decided to go to her hometown this past weekend to visit her grandmother in the hospital.  While she was there, someone took a picture of my wife standing next to the hospital bed.  My wife showed me the picture and asked, "is that how you see me?"  I looked at her and responded "Is that what you see when you look in the mirror?"  I guess seeing the picture of herself next to her tiny, frail grandmother struck a nerve.  Maybe now she sees what everyone else has been viewing for so long. 

Play Your Position

In every successful organization, each member knows how to play their assigned position.  Whether you are talking sports, a Fortune 500 company or your local grocer, people are most successful when individuals have clearly defined roles and goals.  But what happens when a role is not clearly defined?  What happens when someone is not happy playing their position and tries to do someone else's job?  You start having problems which can ultimately lead to failure.  I think I have finally hit that failure point with one of my friends.  I thought I had a clear understanding of my role in her life.  Tonight showed me that I was completely wrong about what she expects out of me.  Oh well.  Back to the bench I go until I learn to play my position.

Late Bday Gift(s) from Mom

So my birthday passed this past Wednesday and as I stated in my previous post, it was lack luster at best.  Well, today made up for it.  I got up this morning and traveled to my home town to get my mother.  We were supposed to go shopping for a prom dress for my oldest daughter.  We hit the mall and were able to find a dress she liked as well as some shoes.  Then it was time to splurge on me.  My mother took me to the local home depot and told me to pick out a new mower to replace the one that was stolen last summer.  How's that for a gift?  I was complaining about getting lawn equipment for my birthday previously and now I am thrilled as hell to receive it.  Isn't life funny?  One thing about mom, she always knows how to put a smile on my face. 

Birthday 2014 - A Day of Blahs

I don't make a big deal out of my birthday most of the time.  I think I was hoping for a little more this year because of what I have been dealing with for the past couple of months.  Today actually played out like any other day of year.  I woke up to discover that my middle child had missed the bus.  After dropping her at school, I came home and waited until it was time to take my youngest to school to register for kindergarten.  After registration, I dropped her at daycare and returned home.  I received a call from my mortgage company wanting an update on when they would receive a payment.  I picked my daughter up from daycare, ate lunch and went to work.  That's it.  I received Happy Bday wishes from my in-laws and 3 friends via text.  Once again, people I thought would call or text me didn't.  I guess I should realize I am not as important as I think I am.  Oh well.