Living up to Expectations

Next week is National Customer Service Week.  My job, like many others across the country, has a lineup of themed days and activities to make next week a fun time for employees.  With that being said, one of the themes for this year is Throwback Day.  The expectation is to wear clothing from a previous decade.  I am known at my job for wearing silly outfits when given the opportunity.  Everyone has been asking for clues as to what I will be wearing.  I think this year however, I won't live up to the expectations of my subordinates, my peers and my managers.  This year, I won't come to work in some wild outfit that everyone wants to photograph.  This year, I'm going to simply come to work and do my job.  I wonder if coming to work and performing my normal job function will live up to their expectations.  

Having Sex vs Making Love

I've been thinking about a lot of things in my life lately and this topic jumped out at me yesterday.  A while back a female friend and I had a conversation about the difference between having sex and making love.  We concluded the difference in the two was the amount of intimacy involved.  Sex is simply the physical act. It's just two naked people having some type of intercourse.  No feelings, no emotion, just sex.  Making love on the other hand, involves being in a relationship with a person.  Making love means that you are deeply into a person and their desires.  Making love transcends the physical act and actually does not require intercourse.  You can make love to a person simply through touching and kissing.  With all that in mind, I realized that my wife and I stopped making love a long time ago.  Now it's simply sex.  We're talking basically no foreplay, five minutes of humping and call it a day.  To further solidify this justification is how intercourse is approached.  I have finally gotten her to stop saying things like "Let's fuck" or "I wanna fuck."  At least now she will say "I want sex" or ask "can we have sex?"  Please notice that in none of her statements is any mention of love.  Guess that shows the difference between having sex and making love.

Intriguing Quote

I saw this quote on the internet today and it really hit me. 

Live and Let Go

How do you live if you’re ruled by your past?  And how do you let go of a past that made you?

I’ve been thinking about both those questions since I initially ran across the quote.  I’m still searching for the answers.

Procrastination Finally Leads to Failure

I usually pride myself on my procrastination skills.  I am one of those people who wait until the last minute to accomplish certain tasks that require critical thinking because it forces me to focus.  Well, I finally ran into a situation where procrastination is going to cost me everything I have worked for.  I have failed to turn in my assignments for my current online class by the due dates.  As a result, I have received 0's for the assignments and at this point cannot pass the class.  I don't know what the future holds for me now.  What I do know is that procrastination has finally led to a failure. 

Denied

Sometimes in life we want things to happen to people to teach them a lesson.  The problem comes when that lesson affects innocent bystanders.  My wife told me yesterday that she received the denial letter for her disability.  I kept telling her to not depend on getting disability because even if she was approved, it would not be enough for us to get by.  Now, she won't be getting disability and she has not been actively searching for a job so that puts us even further behind.  My biggest concern right now is my children.  I don't know how I will look them in the face and tell them they can't do things or have things because we can't afford it.  I have sacrificed so much to make sure my girls are taken care of.  I guess I was denied my happily ever after that you always read about in fairy tales.

Recipe for Trouble

Employees and customers alike know that weekends are a busy time for fast food restaurants.  The blunt of revenue for an establishment comes on Friday and or Saturday.  With football season starting to get into swing, I knew we were going to be busy yesterday.  What I didn't know was that we were going to be short-handed and busy.  Let me rephrase that.  We weren't shorthanded.  I didn't have the experienced crew members to handle what happened.  Things were running smoothly at first.  We were steady but not real busy.  Then all of a sudden, from out of no where, we had customers galore.  In order to try and keep up with the demand, one of the crew members moved from her position of packaging food to making orders.  Big mistake.  In doing so, she let the food get backed up in the oven.  We had at least 7 orders get burned up completely and had to be remade.  Needless to say, there were some unhappy customers.  The recipe for trouble is very simple.  Take one part increase in business, add a handful of inexperience and a pinch of laziness.  Shake well.  Watch the mess unfold.

How High

I was at work today and walked in on a conversation between two of my female associates.  Female #1 was telling female #2 that she had gotten high for the first time in her life this past week.  As she was talking about her experience female #1 mentioned that they had used some kush in the joint.  At this point in time female #2 stated, "They were wrong for that.  They should have started you off on something a little less potent."  So at this point you should realize female #2 gets high all the time.  Female#1 relived her experience and told us about how the weed made her overanalyze everything.  She also realized, in the words of Katt Williams, smoking weed put some "fuck it" in her system because her responses were completely unfiltered.  Listening to them talk was more than enough to remind me why I don't do drugs.  How high do I like to get?  My feet never leave the ground.

WTF Moment - Scratching the Surface

I was in the driveway today getting into my truck when I glanced at the passenger side of the van.  I noticed a streak on the side.  At first I thought one of the kids had drawn in the dirt.  Then I noticed that the side mirror was folded in.  Closer inspection revealed that something had scraped the van and left scratches on the back of the side view mirror and passenger door.  I asked my wife was she aware of this.  She laughed and informed me she hit something.  She wouldn't tell me what she made contact with.  WTF?  How are you going to hit something and think it's funny?  Oh well.  Long as no one was hurt and no one is seeking property damage, we should be good.  

Doctor Visit

I had another doctor visit this morning.  Things actually went pretty well this time despite some concerns.  I gained four pounds over the course of the last month.  My A1c increased back up to 10 meaning my blood sugars have been averaging in the 240 range.  A quick discussion with the diabetic educator helped us realize the increased number was due to me not testing and taking my medicine properly 3-4 weeks ago when I was dealing with the stress of my wife not working.  I have done a lot better the past 2 weeks.  Because of my renewed motivation to take care of myself, the doctor decided not to change any of my medications or doses.  I just have to do a better job of checking my sugar and taking my medicine.

Too Fast

I was at work the other day and one of my peers asked me a question.  I provided a response.  She asked me to repeat the answer so I said it again.  At this point in time she said, "Has anyone ever told you that you talk too fast?  I can't understand anything you are saying."  I looked at her, laughed and informed her that I had been told my rate of speech was too fast a few times in the past.  I slowed myself down to give her the information she needed.  She reminded my that sometimes we take life at a break neck pace.  My real friends know that I am borderline ADHD.  I can't sit still for very long.  I have to be doing something.  My mind is always racing.  I sometimes think that is part of my problem.  I can never focus on one thing for very long.  But I am always able to get the job done.

WTF Moment - Who Does That Shit?

Decided to share a quick WTF moment this morning.  My oldest daughter joined an organization at school has competitions out of town.  Today was one of those days.  My wife decided she wanted to attend the event.  She asked the nephew if he wanted to go along with her.  He agreed.  He asked if his girlfriend could also go along with them.  My wife agreed.  So when I came home last night, I found my nephew's girlfriend asleep on my living room couch.  I acted as if she was not even there and went about my normal routine.  This morning, she is accompanying my family to the competition.  WTF?  Who does that shit?  No disrespect intended but this bitch ain't family.  She still getting her feet wet.  And if history is any indicator of my nephew and his relationships, she'll be gone before Thanksgiving.

Absence Does Not Make the Heart Grow Fonder

Whoever coined the phrase "absence makes the heart go fonder," was obviously not in love.  The person who came up with that quote was trying to sell greeting cards.  Absence does not make the heart grow fonder.  Absence weakens the heart and the soul.  Absence plays with your emotions.  Absence makes you think of all the things you should have done and should have said when that person was with you.  When you are used to being with someone you love, being without them is almost impossible.  Being away from someone you love makes you think crazy thoughts about what you are willing to do to be with that person.  Many of us would make a deal with Satan himself in order to be with someone we love.  Personally, I would do it in a heartbeat. 

Misunderstanding

Somewhere along this recent journey with my wife since being released from her teaching duties and planning her next move, there was a communication breakdown.  We went to see her therapist yesterday.  My wife was in decent spirits and talkative.  She told the doctor about much of what is going on in her life right now.  She told the doctor that she has broken off communication with her male companion from school because he finally crossed the line and asked for sex. She told the doctor about how she was spending more time with the kids.  She told the doctor she had filed for disability.  This is where my misunderstanding took place.  I thought my wife was simply being lazy and not wanting to look for a job even though I was sending her locations that are hiring daily.  Comes to find out that she is under the impression that she can't work and collect social security.  To make matters worse, her therapist agreed with her and said my wife should look for something "off the books" like watching somebody's child a few hours a week for $20 or so.  We can't survive like that.  I am trying to get my wife to understand that we can't live off my income alone.  I am trying to get her to understand that she is not guaranteed social security disability benefits.  I am trying to get her to understand she can work and collect benefits.  I am trying to correct this misunderstanding but don't know if it's possible. 

I Should Have Known Better

I should have known better.  I should have thought about what I was told and the source it was coming from.  I should have realized that a leopard can't change its spots.  I should have known that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  I was fed a lie and swallowed it hook, line and sinker.  I should have known that even though she looked me straight in my face and told me she was going to do better, that my wife was not going to change.  I should have known better. 

WTF - Misconceptions

I was at the store with my wife today and she made me think about how easy it is to make a misconception about someone, even if you think you know that person very well.  I was looking for one of those double-insulated cups to take to work to help improve my daily water consumption.  We found some at the end of one of the store rows.  I chose a black cup because as any one that knows me will tell you, black is my favorite color.  My wife gave me a strange look.  I asked her did she also want a cup or what was the problem.  After some more prodding on my part, she finally asked why I chose black.  I told her because I did not want the red, the blue, the orange or the pink cup(s).  She said I should pick one with a pattern and wanted to know why I always picked black for everything.  She said that people might think I am a “dark” soul because of my preference for black.  WTF?!  Just because black is my favorite color does not make me a dark soul.  I have a very warm and friendly personality.  I get along with everyone.  That’s the problem with the world today.  We form misconceptions based on what we “think” about people rather than what we actually “know” about them.

Unexpected Apology

I came home from work yesterday evening and proceeded to give my wife a rundown of my day as I prepared to go to my second job.  She walked up to me and said, “I owe you an apology.”  Now usually these statements are followed by how she has wasted money on something we did not need.  This time, however was different.  She told me that she was sorry for not being the wife that I deserve and that she was praying for us.  Apparently, the books she got for her birthday have caused some epiphany that years of me begging and yelling could not get through to her.  We will see how long this lasts and how far it will go.

Scent of Attraction

I am a firm believer that scent controls the way we see the world.  With that in mind, I think that it is ultra important to know what scent works well with your particular body chemistry.  To be in the presence of a woman wearing a perfume or body spray that matches her natural aroma sends shivers through my body.  I often joke with my female peers that I could just eat them up for smelling so good.  I have learned through trial and error that light fragrances work best for me.  I am not a “musk” kind of guy.  I currently have a couple of colognes that I live by along with four various body sprays.  A couple of weeks ago at work one of the agents needed my help.  I leaned over her while reading something on her computer and she commented, “Ooh you smell good.  What you wearing?”  I answered her question and moved on.  A few days later, the same agent came to my desk for assistance with another problem.  I was wearing something different on this day.  She made the statement, “There you go smelling good again.”  I laughed it off.  Last week, this same young lady again needed help.  As usual I walked to her desk and stood close enough to read the notes on her screen.  She leaned toward me and took a deep breath.  She then made the comment, “You know you always smell good.”  I am starting to wonder if she is just making those comments or if she is attracted to me.

WTF Moment - You Must Have Bumped Your Head

This upcoming Sunday is the nephew's birthday.  Initially after his wreck, I agreed that his girlfriend could come over to celebrate with him.  Obviously, since that first conversation, some things have changed.  Today as I was driving to work, he called and asked if he could use our van to drive to pick his girlfriend up.  Before I could even think, I had responded with "Hell to no nigga.  You know you ain't got no insurance and mine wont cover you."  Once that response had left my lips, I started wondering, What the Fuck was he thinking?  Oh well.  We all know how that ended.

WTF - I Feel Like Eminem

FYI - before you read any further, this entry is not for the week stomached.  Continue at your own risk.

So I was using the bathroom today like most normal people.  My wife was looking for me and decided to mess with the door.  I thought I had locked it but apparently the lock no longer really works because she walked right in.  Now most people would have laughed this off and closed the door.  Oh No.  Not my loving wife.  She decides to waltz right in and sit on the tub.  She then proceeds to have a conversation with me.  WTF?!!  Can't you see I'm tryna take a shit?  Can I get a little privacy?  Add to this the fact that my 3yr old is looking for "mommy" and decides to open the door.  This was the most uncomfortable bathroom break ever.  Now I truly know what Eminem meant when he said "cant take a shit without someone standing by it."

Can't Afford to be Healthy

Don't let the title throw you off track.  The reason I say I can't afford to be healthy is because currently I am unable to financially manage my disease.  Anyone suffering from a chronic disease will tell you that they get expensive quick.  When you have medicine that you have to take daily and monthly appointments, medical expenses become worse than utility bills.  I am currently in that type of situation.  Somehow I allowed my prescription my some of my diabetic testing supplies expire.  When I called the discount company to refill, I was told they needed to talk to my new doctor.  That was two weeks ago.  So for the past couple of weeks I have been flying by the seat of my pants, praying I don't get sick.  Yes it is possible to buy what I need off the shelf without a prescription but the cost is more than I am willing to pay.  Based on what I need and what I have available, I can't afford to be healthy.

Holiday - Smoliday

Most people look forward to the holidays.  Time off from work.  Time to spend with family and friends and enjoy life.  Not in my world.  This past Labor Day Holiday simply meant that my kids did not have to go to school and I was stuck at the house during the day dealing with them.  I still had to go to job #2 that evening.  Holidays work for people who use them for their true purpose.  In my world, a holiday is just another day on the calendar.

Being Petty

My wife and I were talking a couple of weeks ago and I learned how truly petty she could be.  We were discussing some of our favorite foods.  We got on the subject of candy bars.  She asked if I knew what her favorite one was.  I narrowed my choices to two and said it depended on if she had a cavity as to her preference.  She informed me that I was incorrect, partially.  Over time she had learned to love one of the candy bars I named.  Previously she had another favorite.  But, she the name of the candy bar was also the name of someone I was intrigued by during our college years but prior to our marriage, she stopped eating them all together.  All I could do was look at my wife and shake my head.  There is no way in the fuck I would stop eating my favorite candy because of someone's name.  But who am I to talk?  I'm not a petty person.

TH - Then and Now

This is one of those instances when I have too much time on my hands and read way too far into a situation.  I currently have a co-worker that I have taken a liking to.  Not only is she physically attractive but she is also very smart.  My ideal type of woman.  I am well aware that nothing could ever happen between us because she is happily married with children.  The friendship line was drawn in our sand long ago.  But the more I think about it, it's funny how life plays with the emotions.  She has the exact same initials as someone I was attracted to years ago.  She has one more syllable in her first name than her last name, just like my previous crush.  Both are/were slightly shorter than me with gorgeous hair.  Both are/were about business first and everything else second.  I wonder if life is telling me to check on my previous friend.  I haven't talked to her in years.  Or maybe life is trying to tell me to permanently close those doors.  Those are adventures I was never meant to pursue.  It didn't work out then and it sure as hell won't work out now.

Release Therapy

Call it laziness.  Call it fatigue.  Call it a combination of the two or none of the above.  I have been telling myself that I was going to blog about the events of the past week and a half but have failed to do so.  Maybe it was because I really don't want to throw out much of what has occurred.  Then again, maybe I just needed time to process and make sense of some situations.  Whatever the case, I'm going to blog about as much stuff as I can before I collapse into a sleep.  I've got to get some of these thoughts out of my system.  This is going to be my personal attempt at a little release therapy.

Why Me?

Last Saturday, I found myself in a very jacked up situation.  I had promised to pick someone up from work and take them home.  I had also promised to take the nephew's girlfriend home that night once I left work.  As I left the store Saturday night, I looked at my dashboard and it read "low tire pressure."  What the hell?  I got out and my back driver side tire was as flat as it could be.  I was the only person at the store so I had to change the tire by myself?  I texted my co-worker and explained I would be late due to the tire.  I did the same thing with the nephew's girlfriend as I frantically fought with the tire.  I called a friend and asked could I use her car to drop them off because I did not trust the spare tire on the highway.  Minutes later I received text messages saying each of them had found an alternate way home.  I was able to get the tire repaired on Sunday.  But why me?  Why when I try to be a good samaritan does the universe decide to kick me?

Financial Blessing

We received a financial blessing last week to help us through the current tough times.  My wife received the money from her retirement fund.  With that money we have tried to make a little headway in our financial situation.  We paid the van off so that should free up some money on my end.  We also paid off her store charge card.  The rest of the money is being used for miscellaneous things like replacing the windshield in her van and fees for the kids.  Hopefully this financial blessing will be a step in the right direction.

Devil at Play or God's Will?

A lot of things have happened in my life during the course of the last week.  Some good, some bad and some I am still working on.  Let's start with last Wednesday.  Due the anticipated increased volume due to Hurricane Isaac my manager asked me to come help at the store last Wednesday.  No complaints from me.  I'm all about getting an additional 8 hours on my paycheck.  That afternoon I received a phone call from the nephew.  He told me he had just been involved in an accident an he needed me to come get him.  Once I confirmed that he was ok I told him to call his Aunt because she was a lot closer to him than I was because I was at work.  He ended up going to the hospital because during the accident the driver side of his car impacted with a concrete wall.  He also was dumb enough to unbuckle his seatbelt to try and protect his girlfriend while the car was spinning out.  So the car is totaled and since he had not paid his insurance at the time, the company dropped him and will not assist with repairs or getting a replacement.  He has seen 2 doctors since then and is on a muscle relaxer and a pain reliever.  Needless to say, my plan to put his ass out at the end of this month has been postponed.  When I thought about the fact that he will still be here, I said to myself, "This aint nothing but the devil fucking with me."  One of my co-workers brought up a good point.  The accident may have been God's way of keeping him with me because I still need to teach him about being a man and a father.  We'll see who is running the show...God or the Devil.