The "What If" Game

I am not a big fan of the "what if" game.  I feel the events that have happened in our lives are what make us who we are.  If it didn't happen, it was not meant to be a factor in our development.  But every now and then, just for laughs or to really make me focus, I play the "what if" game.  Below are some of the what if questions I asked myself today.  They are completely random so please don't try to find a pattern or a common link.

What if this quiet, nerdy little guy had not caught the eye of my now wife at that summer camp almost 20 years ago?  Where would I be?  Who would I be with, if anyone?

What if I actively pursued the one that got away from my childhood days?  We were the best of friends and knew everything about each other.  Her family liked me.  Her kiss was exquisite.  The one sexual encounter we had was on the couch in her college apartment when she agreed to let me go down on her.  The look on her face once I finished is still burned in my mind.  What could have come out of that possible relationship?

What if I had gotten a divorce after my infidelity six years ago?  Where would I be working?  Who would I be with?  Would I still be a father of three?  Who would my wife be with?

What if I had opted for a divorce after my wife was diagnosed with depression and ruled unable to work?  Where would my kids and I be right now?  Would my wife be a prisoner in some state mental hospital?  Would her family have stepped up to care for her in her condition?

What if I divorced my wife after all the drama we have been through and pursued a relationship with the woman who stole my heart a few years ago?  She embodies everything I look for in a mate - smart, witty, good-looking and willing to do what it takes to survive.  What if the other woman had not been involved with someone else at the time?  Would she and I be an ideal couple?

What if my co worker had accepted my offer for the trip with all the stipulations?  Would I have been able to go through with it?  Or would my conscience have kicked in and stopped me in my tracks?  Would she have enjoyed it and wanted more?

That's the problem with the what if game.  A lot of thoughts run through your mind.  Unfortunately for me, none of those questions will ever be answered.