Wheels on the Bus Run me Over

I found out some info from a colleague of mine.  I was informed there is a rumor floating around the office that I threw someone under the bus and got them in trouble.  I laughed as soon as I heard this.  I explained that first of all, I had no idea what he was talking about.  Secondly, how would I benefit from throwing this person under the bus?  I am just amazed at the maturity level of the people I work with.  Everyone wants to run tell dat.  I have a solution to all that foolishness. Looks like I am going to have to revert to the old me.  The one who walks in, does my job and leaves.  No time for playful banter and fellowshipping.  Strictly business in the office.  If you want to laugh and play, go to a daycare.  I don't have time to throw people under the bus or get thrown there myself.

Doctor Visits

I haven't posted anything about Monday's doctor visit so I will include it with today's update.  I had to go have  bone scan done Monday to try and determine what might be causing the pain in my foot.  This entailed going to the facility at 830am.  I got there, registered, was given a "tracer" shot and told to come back in three hours for the actual exam.  When I got back, I spend 1.5 hours with my feet being examined by a machine.  The procedure was not too bad.  There were a couple of times I was concerned (like when the tech taped my ankles together to keep my from moving or when she asked if my right foot was experiencing pain because she didn't see anything on the left scan). Today was the follow up with the actual orthopedic.  He looked at the scans and agreed with the tech.  There was nothing wrong with the bones in my feet.  He current suggestion requires me to wear inserts in my shoes for 3-6 weeks and wearing a splint at night when I sleep.  If that does not help with the problem, then the next option is surgery.  I'm hoping we don't get to the surgery option.

Bitch Betta Have My Money

The IRS has finally decided to start accepting tax returns.  For a lot of people that means savings, home improvements and catching up on bills.  For others, it means living like Rick Ross and trying to blow money fast.  I'm trying to catch the nephew before he does the latter.  Based on my calculations, he owes me about $1200.  I have informed him that once he receives his tax refund, I need my money.  I don't care about his baby mama or anything else he has going on in his life right now.  Once those funds are available to him, bitch betta have my money.

WTF - Real Life Nigga Moment

I was at work at my fast food job tonight and I experienced a unique situation.  I was joking with a couple of my co-workers about the potential for someone to want to fight or harm me.  I decided to misquote Lil Wayne's Duffle Bag Boy song and said "I ain't never ran from a nigga and I ain't about to start."  This quote caught the attention of an older Caucasian gentleman who works with us.  He looked at me and said, "I know I must have missed something in what you just said.  Can you repeat that for me?"  I politely repeated my statement.  The people who were within earshot cracked up laughing.  A few moments later it hit me that I may have just experienced a real life nigga moment.  I'm not too sure if he laughed because the statement was funny or if he simply took delight in the fact I used the word "nigga."  Who knows?

Some Jokes Just Ain't Funny

As Valentine's Day 2013 comes to a close, I must post about the foolishness which just occurred.  I decided to run to the store and purchase a soda because I wanted something with some fizz to drink.  While at the store, I decided to purchase a candy bar for my wife.  I decided to get her "favorite" candy bar even though she had stopped eating them because the name of the candy bar reminded her of someone she did not like.  When I arrived home and gave her the candy bar, she looked at me and said, "thank you.  I actually asked Bob to get me one earlier.  He told me he would do it and mail it to me overnight."  Now, Bob is her best friend's husband.  Please tell me at what point in time was this supposed to be funny. It's times like that when I just walk off before I say something and truly hurt her feelings.  Some jokes just ain't funny.

Finally an Unselfish Act

Today is Valentine's Day 2013.  I am currently not feeling too much love but I wanted to talk about a gesture made by my wife earlier which showed that on rare occasions, she can be unselfish.  After my doctor's appointment this morning, I went by my job to let my manager know about required upcoming days off for follow up appointments.  We left the building and went to a local bakery.  I tried to get my wife to pick out an oversized cupcake for her V-Day gift.  She asked what was I going to get for our girls.  I told her I did not plan on getting them anything until my next payday.  She actually told me she would rather me get something for them than for her.  I could hardly believe it.  She actually thought about someone other than herself for a change.

Doctor's Visit - Still Looking for Answers

I went to see an orthopedic specialist today about the ongoing pain in my foot.  The nurse took some xrays and I discussed the problem with the doctor.  I ended up leaving his office in an ankle brace.  He was not able to determine what may be causing the problem but had a couple of ideas.  The next step in the process is to have a bone scan done at a medical facility and follow up with the orthopedic specialist in a week.  So at this point I am basically where I was when I started this process.  I keep trying and trying but I am unable to find out what is causing the pain and more importantly what can be done to get rid of it.

Can we have sex? Part 2

So that we have bypassed the text message part, I decided to go into the bedroom and talk with my wife.  We decided being intimate was a good idea at the time.  As we are laying in bed naked, I bumped my lip.  I currently have a sore on the inside of my lip.  I have no clue what caused it.  I made my wife aware of the sore because I did not want her to suck my lip and make the pain worse.  Her response was "What bitch you been kissing on?  Was it blah-blah-blah or blah-blah-blah?"  WTF?!? Really?  You just asked me if I had been kissing on 2 different females right before you and I are supposed to be having sex?  Only in my world does this type of foolishness happen.

Can we have sex?

This post addresses a major concern of mine as modern technology influences relationships and intimacy.  I was sitting at my desk today when I received a text message from my wife.
The message read "Can we have sex?"  This is one of those times I am at a crossroads with modern technology.  My was literally down the hall from me.  She could have stepped out of the bedroom and saw me.  Rather than coming to me, she sent me a text.  WTF?  At this point I replied, "I will think about it as soon as you answer this question.  Why are you texting me when we are 3 rooms apart?"  I never got a reply  to the question.  I am all for sending inticing pictures to your mate and suggestive text messages to spice things up.  I have a problem when you can't talk face to face with someone and everything is done through text messages, instagram and facebook.

Picture is Worth a 1000 words

A very close friend of mine moved away recently due to a job promotion.  I was happy for her advancement but saddened by the fact she had to go out of state to take advantage.  I asked her to send me a picture once she got settled of something unique to her new surroundings.  She sent me a picture of herself smiling.  I look at that picture every night.  The image of her smiling says more than any words know in the English language.  Seeing her smiling in her new environment lets me know she is safe; she is happy and she is going to excel at any task put in front of her.  I wish I could send her a picture which communicated those things to her.  Unfortunately, I don't think I can fake a smile to make it seem that way.  The truth would show on my face.  All is not well in my world but my world is my world.  You live and you learn.

WTF Moment - Overdraft Fees

I was talking with the nephew a couple of weeks ago about his financial situation because it still did not seem to be getting better.  This confused me because he has lived with us for over a year and does not contribute to the household financially.  Add to this the fact he no longer has a car and the plot thickens.  I asked him if we could look at his bank account to try and determine where money could be going.  OMG!  I wanted to beat the hell out of him when we pulled it up.  He had over $400 in overdraft fees in December alone.  WTF?  According to my calculations, an entire 2 week paycheck went strictly to covering overdraft fees to the bank.  I tried to provide him with other ways of checking and maintaining his money. He has got to do better.  He can't afford not to.

Real Friends

This post piggybacks off of the previous one about my truck and revisits one of my favorite topics.  My truck was out of commission for almost an entire week due to repairs.  I explained the situation to one of my closed friends before I actually went to the shop. She was nice enough to let me use her car while my truck was repaired.  When I say let me use her car, I mean she let me drive her car to and from work.  All I had to do was make sure she had a way to work and home each day.  Now that's what I call a real friend.  She sacrificed what she had to do for a few days so I could take care of my business.  Good thing is, she knows I would do the same for her.

No Extended Warranty

I had to take my truck to the shop on 2/2/13 due to an ongoing concern about my brakes. The brakes were not stopping as good as normal and the truck was starting to cut off when left idling for short periods of time.  The dealership called me on 2/4/13 and told me they discovered the cause of my issue.  My service specialist went on to tell me that it would cost $600 for the repair because that particular part was not covered by the extended warranty.  So my truck that I have had just over a year, put a $600 dent in my pocket.  Guess you can't put a price on safety.   And I guess you can't argue if there is no extended warranty.  

Health Concerns

Upon the recommendation of my specialist, I went to see my GP about my foot.  He played touchy-feely with it and just like my therapist, felt the problem was not nerves or directly related to my diabetes.  He prescribed some pain medication and told me to follow up in a week.  The pain medicine did not help at all.  If fact, at one point, I think I experienced more pain that prior to the medicine.  I followed up with my GP a week later.  Based on my answers to his questions, he decided the best thing for me to do would be to see a specialist.  Great, this just keeps getting better.  All these various office visits just for a foot.  I hope we find a resolution soon.  I'm tired of walking around in pain.

WTF - Where Have I Been?

January 24, 2013.  I can't believe that is the date of my last post.  So much has happened in the last couple of weeks.  I don't know where to begin.  I'm currently asking myself, WTF?  Where have I been?  What have I been doing to keep me so occupied that I have not been able to make a single post.  Truth of the matter is - nothing.  I think I am hitting another lull in my life where I don't care too much about things.  I hate when I get this way.  Times like this, when the "fuck it" mentality takes over can go really good or really bad. I'm hoping for good because I can't afford the bad.

Doctor's Visit

The sharp pain that just shot through my left foot reminded me of my doctor's visit on yesterday.  As a whole, the visit did not go too bad.  Blood pressure was fine. I gained 5 pounds since my last visit which is ok because I could gain 20 and still not meet the average for my demographic.  Blood sugar was fine when I arrived and we made just a few minor adjustments to my existing medicine regiment.  Then there was this ongoing issue with my foot.  I am still having this sharp pain in my left foot.  There is no rhyme or reason for the pain.  I can be standing up or sitting down.  It can be day or night.  I can be stationary or mobile.  It hurts whenever it chooses to do so.  The doctor did a test and determined the problem was not bad nerves.  She recommended I schedule an appointment with my general practitioner.  So now we get to wait to see if he know something she doesn't.  Almost forgot to mention the "well damn" moment from this doctor visit.  Last time I went to the doctor, my wife accompanied and convinced the doctor that I needed something to help combat E.D.  Yesterday, the doctor asked if the medicine worked and if I needed a refill on the prescription.  I just looked at her and said, "it worked."  Unfortunately, I only tried one pill and did not notice any difference in my performance.   

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

A reason, a season, a lifetime is one of my favorite topics to discuss.  It really makes you think about the role people play in your life and how you should treat them.  Recently two close friends decided to take other jobs.  During our time together, I learned a lot from both of them.  Now they have moved on to hopefully bigger and better things. Considering what I learned from them, I feel they both exceeded the "reason" category.  I would put the guy in the season category but I think 5yrs of friendship goes beyond a season.  He and I are not as close as we used to be so I am not sure if I should put him in the lifetime category.  The young lady, on the other hand, gets an automatic lifetime category.  She is one of those people I hope to never lose touch with.  There is just something about her that tends to bring out the best of me. 

WTF Moment - Grown Up Sleepover

A strange situation occurred the MLK weekend.  I am still laughing to myself as I think about it.  My wife enlisted the assistance of a young lady who works in a salon.  The purpose was to get my 3 little girls' hair taken care of.  I came home in between jobs on Sunday and they were hard at work.  Sunday night when I got home, I went into the bedroom to get my clothes for work the next morning.  When I turned on the light, I was confused by what greeted my eyes.  There, laying at the foot of the bed, was the young lady who had helped my wife with the girls' hair.  Keep in mind, this young lady is in her 20s.  My wife was in the bed as well as my two youngest.  Now get the image of sardines in a can out of your mind.  All four of them had plenty of wiggle room. With that being said, WTF?  Who allows another grown person to sleep in their bed. I dont know the answer.

Blame it on the Alcohol

I had a couple of drinks last night before bed.  Therefore, I am going to blame the complete weirdness of my dream on the alcohol.  In the dream, I was hanging out with some co-workers in what seemed to be a park.  One of the young ladies was leaning up against a tree.  I went and stood in front of her with my arms straight and touching the tree.  As we began to talk, I leaned forward and kissed her, almost as if doing a standing push-up off the tree.  This continued for a few moments as the others continued doing whatever.  This is where the dream takes that weird turn.  I closed my eyes and leaned in for another kiss.  When I opened my eyes, the young lady and I were standing in the moon roof of a stretch limo naked.  From out of no where my manager appeared in a little black dress and heels.  She looked at me and said, “Time to make a choice.”  As I sat there and tried to ponder what the hell was happening, one of my male companions walked up behind the manager and started to fondle her.  She gave no resistance and turned to face him while starting to remove her dress.  I stood there completely dumbfounded and that’s when I woke up.  I don’t what caused any of those elements to come together in a dream.  The people and places should have never been connected.  As I stated before, I am going to blame it on the alcohol.       

Irony

I have a situation I want to discuss about some friends of mine.  As always, they will remain nameless but I will call them Friend1 and Friend2 for explanation purposes.  Friend1 and Friend2 hit a rough spot in their relationship.  Rough to the point they stopped hanging out and speaking with each other.  I remained friends with both of them during this time and would often have to relay messages due to their stubbornness.  They eventually squashed the problem and became friends again.  Now one of them is moving away.  Previously when they were not speaking, Friend1 didn’t seem to care Friend2 was not a part of everyday life.  Now with the news of the move, Friend1 has expressed deep sorrow leading up to the departure of Friend2.  Isn’t that ironic?  Less than a year ago, you didn’t care about each other.  Now, you can’t see being away from each other.  The universe plays some cruel tricks at times.  

WTF Moment - Bank Fees

I was talking to the nephew today because we were going back and forth about a bill he informed me he had paid but the company stated otherwise.  I told him the easiest way to resolve the issue was to access his banking information online to see if the bill had truly been paid.  Oh what an eye-opener this was.  Once I had his bank statements in front of me, it took everything in my not to kill him for the bank fees alone.  According to our calculations he has given the bank over $1000 in overdraft fees in the last 90 days.  WTF?  Really?  So you just gonna give the bank a grand?  But when I ask you to repay me the money you owe me for taking care of your ass for the last year, you broke!  Makes absolutely no sense.  And neither does the fact that I allow it to keep happening.

Another Missed Opportunity

I am one of those people who believe opportunity likes to knock on your door every now and then.  A good thing comes your way and you should take full advantage of it.  If you do not open the door in time, the opportunity will pass you by and will never be seen again.  I recently let an opportunity pass me by.  Opportunity knocked on my door – loudly.  Opportunity was so close to me I could hear it, see it and smell it.  I chose not to take advantage of the opportunity and now it is gone.  This is one missed opportunity I feel I may always regret.

Mental Mistakes

I try to not make mental mistakes very often.  I'm not egotistical but I do know I am good at what I do.  Sometimes I get a little bit of a big head and it gets me in trouble.  Other times, it is just my constant ripping and running and lack of rest that leads to detrimental judgement calls.  Such was the case at work.  The past two weeks I have made some very careless mental mistakes.  No one was harmed in the process but unnecessary attention was put on myself and my peers.  Due to this, I've been given a vacation from work aka a suspension.  I don't know what the future holds.  I just know that if given another chance, I can't make any mental mistakes.

Breaking Up The Band

As I have discussed in some recent posts, I have become very close to one of my female co-workers.  She has welcomed me into her world due to my knowledge and trustworthiness.  We have a good working relationship and often talk outside of work about our home lives.  Our peers and superiors often pair us together and call us "frick and frack."  At least they used to do that.  One of our superiors came to me yesterday and told me to limit the amount of time I spend with my friend at work.  The work people were thinking the wrong things about the two of us.  I am not one who gives a damn about what others think.  I just don't want to draw fire to her unnecessarily.  So I guess it's time for us to part ways and break up the band.

I Will Be Your Comforter

As I have stated in a few posts, I have become very close with a female co-worker recently.  We talk about everything from work topics to our home lives.  We have gotten to the point where the walls are almost completely down and no topic is taboo.  Last month there was a burgalary in her neighborhood.  She has been a little concerned ever since because the robbery happened during the daytime hours.  She went home a few nights ago and noticed a strange vehicle parked near her house.  She went inside and called her husband who was at work.  Knowing it would be a while before he could be there, she opted to call me.  She wanted to stay on the phone with me until he arrived home.  I even offered to drive by her home to make sure the vehicle was gone.  She relaxed once I told her all was clear in her neighborhood.  I'm happy I was able to comfort her and keep her calm until her husband arrived.

Disappearing Act

This past weekend was an example of why I sometimes dislike being in a management position.  I was the closing manager on Saturday for my restaurant.  I counted all the money and prepared to close out for the day.  The report showed I missing a significant amount of money.  None of my employees reported any money problems during the course of the day so I deemed it an anomaly and figured it would correct itself.  This was not the case.  The missing money never appeared.  I could not find anything saying why the money was missing but it was gone.   I ended up replacing the money with my personal funds hoping the accounting department will resolve the issue.

I Don't Always Have The Answer

I was home today and my wife approached me saying she felt antsy.  She was not too sure why.  She asked me to tell her why she might be feeling antsy.  All I could do was look at her and say, "This is one of those times where the answer will only make sense in your mind because I honestly don't know."  I know a lot of things but I don't always have the answer.

Missed Opportunities

It's been said that when opportunity knocks, you have to be willing to let it in.  What happens when you are trying to get to the door and something blocks your path?  One of my old managers from a previous job was in the area today.  We were supposed to meet up for drinks and to catch up on old times.  My work schedule prevented this from happening.  I missed the opportunity to see an old friend.  What do you do when something prevents you from seizing an opportunity.  You adjust and seize the next one.

Cherish

Cherish everyone who comes into your life.  Cherish your loved ones. Cherish the people you like.  Cherish the people you don't like.  Your interactions with all these individuals help define who you are.  You never know when someone will be taken from you and you will miss your opportunity to cherish them.

2012 Review

I decided to spend a little time this morning browsing thru my posts from 2012.  I wanted to see where I was and where I ended up throughout the year.  For the most part, seems as if I kept having to deal with the same shit over and over and over.  Dealing with the nephew and his drama drained my soul.  He has got to go. I really cannot take it anymore.  A lot of my posts from 2012 were about my diabetes and the struggles I face.  There were a few high notes but most of the posts dealt with problems.  In 2012, I mentioned many times about my personality and being flirtatious.  In the words of Popeye the Sailorman, "I am what I am and that's all that I am!"  Riding shotgun with the flirting was my clothes.  A couple of outfits were some true attention getters. Another repeat topic was the concept of "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime."  The topic I discussed most in 2012 was my wife's health and how it affected the family.  Let's see what 2013 brings.

A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

I felt the need to post this article.  I don't take credit for anything in it.

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime.  People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.  They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  They may seem like a godsend, and they are.  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.  Sometimes they die.  Sometimes they walk away.  Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.  What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;  their work is done.  The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on. When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.  They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.  They may teach you something you have never done.  They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.  Believe it!  It is real!  But, only for a season. LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.  Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);  and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.  It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

What are you looking at?

Something odd occurred at work the other day and it has been on my mind ever since.  I am hoping that writing about it will give me the needed closure.  One of my female co-workers asked me to come by her desk and assist with a report she has having difficulty formatting.  I stopped by the snack machine to grab some chips and proceeded to her desk.  When I sat down, she turned and looked at me to acknowledge my presence.  She quickly turned her head away.  She looked back at me smiling and turned away again.  She then asked me to leave her desk for about 5 seconds and to return.  I gave her a "What the hell?" look and walked off.  At this point in time, I was trying to determine what happened to cause her reaction.  Did I have something in my teeth?  Was there something in my nose? Did she need to adjust her clothing?  Many more possibilities raced through my mind over the next few minutes.  I returned to her desk and asked if she was ready to look at the report.  She said yes.  I asked what caused her reaction.  She told me that for some reason when she turned and looked at me, she started thinking of me in an inappropriate manner.  Do what? We work together everyday.  What about that particular moment in time made that thought cross your mind?  She later explained it was just something that came over her - no rhyme or reason.

Christmas 2012

I guess that Christmas 2012 has passed by like any other day rather than being a holiday.  Well, I shouldn't say that because there have been a couple of good things that happened to me today.  First of all, I had to work.  Now I volunteered to work on this holiday so it's no big deal.  Just kinda sucks that the holiday fell on my usual day off so I work 6 days this week rather than 5.  My peers and I decided to collaborate on a meal for the managers because most eateries would be closed today.  The meal came out pretty well.  We had rotel, bbq smokies, cookies, cake, fruit and sandwiches.  Not a bad spread with only four people putting it together and feeding about a dozen.  When the evening shift came in, one of the supervisors told us we could leave since we had been there since the building opened.  I left and spent a little while chatting with a friend.  I currently sit at my house alone because my wife and kids are out of town.  I think I am going to do some cleaning up and then call Christmas 2012 a done deal.

True Beauty

I came home from work today with a lot on my mind.  As I walked to the front door, I glanced at the flower beds.  The cantalilies were simply green and brown stalks holding on for dear life preparing to succumb to winter's chill.  The rose bushes seemed to have lost the fight since most had little to no leaves.  One bush though, had not given up.  There, right next to my front door, was a white rose with pink highlights.  The only burst of life and color in the entire ten-foot long bed.  It was the perfect representation of true beauty.  It showed me that regardless of the surroundings, true beauty will always shine through.

Denied

My wife received her letter from the social security disability office yesterday.  She is out of town so I opened it to confirm what I already knew.  She was denied.  No disability check for her. I knew she would be denied.  The reason for the denial:  even though she suffers from depression, migraines and is bipolar the social security administration feels she is still able to work.  She may not be able to work the job she had previously but she can work.  Let's see what happens with her now. I've been telling her this all along.  She refused to believe me.  She wanted to go with what the doctor said.  Hope she realizes the denial decision was based on information from several sources including him.

So Much Drama in Da Dirty South

The nephew decided to text me yesterday to ask if I had a minute to talk.  I texted back ask what was the issue.  His vague response was "a lot of things."  I don't understand the youth of today.  I called him to see what the issue was this time with the mentality that I really don't give a fuck.  He decided to tell me that rather than give me the money he owes me, he gave it to one of his kids' mother since his little girl is about to start daycare.  This is where the story takes that fucked up turn.  He goes on to tell me there is a chance the baby may not be his and the chick admitted to this fact.  Do what?  Baby not his?  I told him I had no advice for him at this point and he may want to seek legal advice.  What in the hell?  Once again I need people to be careful who they lay up with.  I'm proof of that everyday now that I am dealing with my bipolar wife.  I have never seen so much unnecessary drama in my life.

Holiday Spirits

The last couple of days have succeeded in giving me reason to enjoy the spirits of the holiday season.  Yesterday, based on the great news I received about my readmission into school, I purchased a bottle of vodka as a congrats to myself.  Today, my manager gave me another bottle of flavored vodka for a Christmas gift.  Did I mention the wife and kids are out of town?  Things are really shaping up for me to be able to enjoy the spirits of the holiday.

Finally Some Good News

I have really gotten to the point I dislike having my cell phone.  Granted I work in a call center during the day and a pizza chain at night, I don't mind talking on the phone.  My problem comes with WHO is calling all the time.  I realize these people are only doing their job but I am at the point I have the script for my mortgage company memorized.  I even went thru the whole thing one day with no prompting from the agent because she caught me at a bad time.  Today, however, I received some welcome news.  My appeal for readmission into online classes was approved.  I've got another chance to achieve my goal.  When my advisor called me today with the news I was elated.  I told her the phone call was the best Christmas gift I could have received this year.  Now I just have to make the most of this opportunity.  

Friends

I’ve talked many times about the relationship I have with my real friends.  My ride or die compadres.  One of my friends texted me on Monday night saying she may need a ride to the doctor on Tuesday because she was ill.  I had an eye appointment Tuesday morning so I asked what time she needed to go.  Tuesday morning I went by her house to check on her.  She looked and sounded terrible.  She called her physician and was told to come in immediately.  I took her to the doctor and spent the next two hours of my off day in the office with her.  After getting her diagnosis, we went to the pharmacy to drop off the prescriptions.  I took her home and returned to the pharmacy to get her medicine.  I dropped the medicine off on my way to work.  That’s the advantage of having real friends.  They will be there for you through thick and thin, sickness and in health.  

Working for Nothing

The nephew’s bank statement showed up the other day.  I was unaware it was here because I seldom check the mail.  While speaking with my wife about him and his current financial status, she mentioned the statement.  We looked at it to see if we could figure out where he was spending his money cause it obviously was not being spent on my household.  I was dumbfounded by what I saw.  The statement detailed the fact his account was $200 overdrawn at the beginning of the month.  He got paid which erased the overdraft and then proceeded to spend more money.  He again caused his account to be overdrawn by about $200.  The statement actually had a line stating the total overdraft fees for the year which exceeded $1400.  That’s enough to pay truck note and mortgage for one month.  Now I see why he has no money.  He is basically working to pay the bank.  He is working for nothing.  

Wile E Coyote

Have you ever watched the old Wile E. Coyote/Road Runner cartoons?  To this day it amazes me that Wile E.  spent years of his life plotting and planning to catch this elusive bird and always failed.  No matter what scheme he hatched or how much he charged on his Acme card, he could never succeed.  I always wonder what would have happened if he actually caught the Road Runner.  I am starting to feel that way in my life.  I have tried and tried yet some things just won’t work out the way I want them to.  I’m starting to think I’m a modern day Wile E Coyote.  With that being said, I think this modern day coyote is going to do the smart thing and give up the chase.  No use wasting time on what will not be.

Inside That I Cried

Inside that I cried.  That's how I used to be.  I used to have this awesome poker face.  I could look like nothing was bothering me when my world was in fact, in total chaos.  I used to keep everything to myself.  I used to keep my problems inside so as to not bother others.  The problem with keeping everything inside is that eventually there has to be a release.  I have started to release more and more as my life continues its downward spiral.  In the past, no one knew anything about me.  Today, I am willing to tell every intricate detail of my existence to anyone willing to listen.  I have to get back to how I used to be.  Gotta get back to crying only on the inside.

Crime and Punishment

There's a saying that goes "don't do the crime if you can't do the time."  My two oldest children decided to do something they were not supposed to do today and are having to learn a harsh lesson.  My wife called me  around 2pm today to inform me that our two oldest children decided to skip school today.  Apparently rather than get on the bus this morning they decided to go into the attic and hide out all day.  Good news is that neither of them were hurt.  The punishment for skipping school had to be severe.  I decided the punishment would be no Christmas gifts for either of them.  The middle child ran down the hall crying.  The eldest, in true defiance, was nonchalant.  She muttered under her breath that she had money and could get her own gift.  I guess she has forgotten that she can't drive to go anywhere to purchase said gift.  Let's wait and see how my girls deal with crime and punishment.

Times Have Changed

My eldest daughter had her choir concert tonight.  This was a shining example of how things have changed over the years.  First of all, for it to be an event at night at the school, I expected some type of security.  Nope.  When we walked into the building there was a group of kids handing out programs.  They were dressed in jeans, tennis shoes and one girl was even wearing a cap.  Not exactly what you expect walking into a choir program.  As we approached the auditorium there was a young man sitting on the floor talking on his cell phone while it was plugged into the wall charging.  During the program I noticed a woman recording the show with her tablet PC.  Many others were taking pics and recording the show with their smartphones.  Long gone are the days of big bulky camcorders.  Times have surely changed.  

Unfit to Work

Based on the conversation with the doctor yesterday, it has been determined my wife is unfit to work a strenuous full time job.  The doctor said she should be able to handle light duty.  What the hell is light duty?  Basically this son of a bitch told me that my wife needs to be a housewife.  Great.  She’s been out of work 6.5 months and is no better at keeping the house up than she was when she was working full time.  Maybe he should have said she is unfit to do any type of work. 

These are Her Confessions – Thoughts of Suicide

While at the doctor yesterday my wife made a confession.  She always seems to want to reveal these dark truths when we are at one of her doctors.  She told the doctor and myself that she hadn’t been sleeping at night.  She told us that she sits up at night thinking of ways to kill herself and she does not know why.  She told us she took 11 sleeping pills one night recently.  Guess what?  They didn’t work.  She woke up the next morning.  I’m not too sure if it was a miracle or luck.  What I do know is that her doctor is a motherfucking fool for prescribing more of the same pill after that confession. 

WTF – Not Pregnant

My youngest daughter is 3yrs old.  I’m starting this entry off with that information because it plays a vital part in understanding what I am about to say.  I went to my wife’s appointment with her yesterday.  As we were leaving the office, we stopped at the payment window and were greeted by the new secretary.  She looked at my wife and asked “how far along are you?”  My wife looked and said “I’m not pregnant.”  WTF?!  As a female, if your stomach is big to the point people think you are pregnant when you aren’t and you did not recently give birth, you’ve got a problem.  It’s time to get off the couch, out the bed and in somebody gym or on the floor doing some crunches.  It’s funny how she wants to be someone I am proud to have on my arm.  She used to be that.  Nowadays – not so much.  

The Hand I was Dealt - Countdown to Losing Everything

Until recently I think I did a pretty good job of handling the hand life dealt me.  I kept a few aces up my sleeve just in case things didn’t go my way.  I guess life decided to switch things up and change dealers.  And this new motherfucker is ruthless.  Every time I think I have the upper hand, he pulls a Joker.  I can’t compete with that no matter how hard I try.  I think it is time to begin my countdown to losing everything.  I never thought I would reach this point in my life.  Working hard and always hustling has gotten me through some tough times.  This time however, there isn’t a hustle in the world that can turn things around.  I’m going to do what I can to survive as long as I can but eventually everything I have worked so hard to get will be gone. 

Don’t Hate the Personality

My wife decided to accompany me to my appointment yesterday.  Needless to say, that did not go well for her.  When I walked into the office the administrative assistant instantly greeted me by saying my name.  The nurse called me back to check my vitals. As usual I was cracking jokes about what the test results would say.  I saw the doctor (who happened to be female) and it was pretty much the same routine.  I just have one of those personalities where people like me.  When we left the office and got in the car, the first thing out of my wife’s mouth was “do you flirt everywhere you go?”  I just looked at her.  Call it what you want.  I know who I am and what I do.  And I bring smiles to people everywhere I go.

WTF – Fashion No-No

We have been having some weird weather lately.  Well I shouldn’t say weird because it is typical of this time of year.  Freezing temps over night and mid 60s by noon.  With that in mind, I saw what I consider a fashion no-no today.  I was driving past a park with a walking trail.  I saw a young lady walking the path.  She was wearing a sweatshirt, some tights and snow boots.  WTF?  First of all, it rarely snows here.  I mean like rarely to the point that an inch of snow would shut shit down.  Secondly, who the hell goes walking for exercise in snow boots?  

Letting Go of the Past

I am a huge fan of my past.  I find myself spending hours on the internet watching old videos from the 90s.  That was a happy time in my life.  Graduated in the mid 90s and went off to college.  I had my whole life to look forward to.  I should have known when our first child was born life was going to take a drastic turn.  I thought if I keep pushing the woman in my life she would become successful with me.  That didn’t happen.  I keep looking to my past looking for answers and I’m not finding them.  I guess it is time to let go of the past and move on.

Don’t Use My Children Against Me

One of the things I dislike the most about my wife is when she tries to use my children against me.  She puts the children in the middle of our personal conflicts and uses them as a shield.  Prime example occurred yesterday.  I was pissed off after her doctor’s appointment.  Rather than cursing her for the rest of the day I went the opposite direction and decided not to talk to her at all.  Due to the silent treatment, she decided to stay in my room (my mancave).  There is where I sleep every night without her.  So why did she feel so obliged to come into the room with our 3yr old and make a place on the floor to sleep?  I guess she figured I would not act a fool because our child was there.  She was right partly.  I didn’t act a fool.  I chose to sleep in the bedroom by myself.  Once again, don’t use my children against me.  Things will not work out the way you want. 

Doctor's Visit

I had another doctor visit today.  Today I had to go see the team of people who handle my diabetes.  My wife decided to take along on this trip.  Needless to say, things were interesting. First of all, when my blood pressure was checked, it was a little high.  Nothing major, just high.  My A1c was down to single digits but still not where we want it to be.  While we were in the lobby, I was reading an article about the symptoms of high blood glucose.  One of the symptoms was erectile dysfunction.  I showed the article to my wife because I had mentioned to her recently that my blood sugar was the cause of us not being able to be intimate one night.  So when we were talking to the doctor she wanted me to bring up the matter.  The doctor's response...pills.  She explained options like Cialis and Viagra run about $25 per pill and are not covered by insurance.  She told me about another pill made by the same company for about half the price.  She gave me some samples to try.  We'll see how this works out.

I Don't Know What to Tell You

Last night the nephew came to me with a situation.  He informed me that the young lady who caught a charge for had visited his job.  He went on to tell me she spoke to his current girlfriend.  She told the current girlfriend she lied about the whole situation with the nephew.  He asked me what should he do about it.  I told him he could talk to the young lady and see if she would be willing to talk to a lawyer/judge about the truth to try and clear his name.  I also told him it may be too late because the damage has been done.  I don't know what to tell him.  I have never been in a situation remotely close to what he is going through.

What Makes Me Smile

This morning a friend sent me a text message.  Simply reading it made me smile.  I've been thinking about that message as I have been growing throughout my day.  It doesn't take much to make me smile.  I've been watching old 90s videos on youtube for the last 1.5 hours thinking about the good old days.  I was reminded of a happier time in my life.  I was reminded of what it takes to make me smile.

It Was All Good Just A Week Ago

Things seemed to be ok in my life just a week ago.  I had a conversation with one of my managers.  He told me it was the end of the year and time for annual reviews.  He told me he appreciated my help with trying to maintain the business and help it grow.  I had started to regain my focus and attention at my full time job and was preparing to lead my team in to the new year.  Then BAM! Shit happens.  Apparently I took too long to decide to lead my team into 2013 because my manager has decided to take some unique measures to ensure my success.  Good news is that I still have the job.  My other manager decided to tell me that for some reason the weekly reports had not been sent to our corporate team the last couple of weeks and that I must be doing something wrong.  Now mind you that I have been doing these reports for years with no problem.  Oh, almost forgot to mention the stuff at home.  First of all, my wife is having suicidal thoughts again.  As usual we spent all around each other and she said nothing. As soon as I left for work, I received a text about her head hurting and not being able to sleep so she was thinking of ways to kill herself.  And finally for this week, my wife decided to text me again while I was at work to tell me that our eldest child is gay.  I have no problems with my child being gay.  My problem comes from the fact that the wife found out about our child's sexual preference via facebook and then communicated the info to me via text.  It's times like this when I hate modern technology and social media.  I want to go back in time.  Things were all good just a week ago.

I Ain't Got No Worries

My wife raised a concern to me today stating I seem to be heading back down a path of destruction from earlier in our marriage.  One of my female co-workers has started to text and call me a lot.  There is nothing going on between us and I can say she is happily married with kids.  She just likes having someone to relate to at work.  My seems to think there may be more to the story.  I gave her my relationship quote:  "If you are taking care of your partner, physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually then he/she is not going to leave."  After I made that statement, my wife said she was not sure where she rated because I never provide her with feedback about the physical and with her not working, the financial is bust.  I ain't got no worries cause I am taking care of my business.   Hope she takes that message to heart.

That Shit Ain't Cute

I am one of the first people to say every outfit is not made for every body.  Just because it looks good in a magazine, on a mannequin or even on your friend, does not mean it will look good on you.  Take today for an example.  I saw a young lady trying to look cute in a sweater dress, tights and heel boots.  Now the outfit itself was a great ensemble.  The body it was wrapped around not so much.  I need people to really know how to look at themselves in a reflective surface and truly question if they should be seen in public in certain clothes.  

WTF Moment - Common Sense

Some things in life are just common sense.  If it is raining outside you either stay indoors or find something to keep the water off of you.  If it is cold outside, you grab something to keep you warm.  If your car is making a loud, strange noise, you get it checked out.  At least that is what the average person does.  Needless to say, my not so average wife has been transporting my children around in the van and it sounds terrible.  There is a knocking which seems to be coming from the passenger side.  Add to this the fact that it looks like someone hit the side of the van and left paint on it.  WTF?  You tell me you saw it a couple of days ago and didn’t tell me?  It’s days like this that really make me wanna become an alcoholic.

Who Motivates the Motivator?

I try to be a motivator to most people in my life.  I try to see the best in people and encourage them to put forth effort.  I like to make people smile, laugh and enjoy life.  What happens, however, when I am the one who needs encouragement?  What happens when I hit a rut and don’t want to be bothered?  Who motivates the eternal motivator?

Give it Up, Turn it Loose

I have been told that if you love someone or something you should have enough faith to let it go.  If the person or the thing comes back to you, then it was meant to be.  That’s the hard part - letting go.  I have reached a point in my life once again where I need to just let go cause I’m holding on to something with a deteriorating thread.  Guess it’s time to give it up and turn it loose. 

Thankful

I'm thankful for the way my body handles my disease for the most part.  I'm thankful that during a hypoglycemic episode candy or glucose tablets can correct the issue and allow me to function.  I'm thankful that during a hyperglycemic episode, a dose of insulin, some water and time are all that's needed to correct the issue.   I'm thankful that my body does not want to go to the hospital and even when it is not at its best, it is good enough to perform most of the tasks asked of me.  I'm thankful that so far, my disease is not life-threatening.

Tight Teeth

I have a gap between my two front teeth.  Years ago, I chipped one of them and had to see a specialist about getting it repaired.  The doctor suggested veneers to cover the tooth.  He also told me he could close the gap between my teeth as part of the procedure.  I told him he could narrow the gap.  I explained the gap was a part of me because I have had it since before I was school age.  Fast forward to today.  I was at the dentist getting my teeth cleaned.  The nurse was trying to floss in between a pair of my back teeth and she encountered a problem.   She commented that I had tight teeth.  Considering I have a gap between my two front teeth, for someone to say my teeth are tight seemed like a joke.

Test Results

The nurse called me from the doctor's office today with the results of my cholesterol test.  Everything checked out fine.  No signs of any problems.  She actually commented that one of my cholesterol levels was the best she has ever seen.  I'm happy to hear that.  It's good to know at least one aspect of my life is in order.

Having These Thoughts of You

Any one that truly knows me will tell you I am an avid fan of R&B music, particularly 80s and 90s.  Often times I find myself spending hours on youtube listening to classics by artists such as Keith Sweat, New Edition, Jodeci, SWV, Blackstreet, Troop and many more.  For some reason today, I got the song "Thoughts of You" by Changing Faces stuck in my head.  No matter what I did, I couldn't shake the song.  The song was on repeat all day in my head and I kept thinking about one person.  The lyrics to the song rang true to my heart.  For those of you who don't know or don't remember the song: 

I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you

I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you

I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you

I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you

I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you
And I don't know what to do
I'm having these thoughts of you
I'm having these thoughts of you

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you
Thoughts of you going through my heart again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

I try hard to relax when I try to get right through it
My mind says no but my heart says do it
And I really don't know why, why I feel this way
Heart is pounding in and out, up and down
There I go having thoughts of you

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you
Thoughts of you going through my heart again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

Don't get me wrong I really like what I'm feeling
You soothe me inside your love I can't deny
I'm just not used to love coming this way
The way you walk, you move and talk
There I go having thoughts of you

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you
Thoughts of you going through my heart again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you
Thoughts of you going through my heart again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

You're always on my mind all the time
You're always on my mind, oh yeah
You're always on my mind all the time

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you
Thoughts of you going through my heart again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

Thoughts of you going through my mind again
Makes me feel the way I do for you

Post #300

I was looking at the number of posts I have made to this blog on yesterday.  This marks #300.  I have actually sat down and posted 300 different thoughts about my life and my world in just over a year.  I have shared triumph and defeat.  I've shared the good and the bad.  Post #300 marks another milestone in this journey of my life.  Now the question is:  when will I reach post #400?  Only time and the events of my life will tell. 

Oxymoron

I needed to have one of my prescriptions refilled. It required doctor's authorization so the pharmacy called my general practitioner.  The medication is for my cholesterol.  I have not had a cholesterol test run since the beginning of the year so the doctor wanted to see me.  My appointment was for this morning.  I was instructed to fast last night in preparation for the test.  No food after midnight.  That was a challenge because I am usually up snacking at the time of night.  I made it to the appointment and went thru the motions.  Weight, blood pressure and breathing were fine according to the nurse.  The doctor came in and we talked about the reason for my visit.  He looked at my vitals and his exact words were "You are a very healthy diabetic."  Healthy diabetic?  Now that has got to be one of the best oxymorons I have ever heard.

Battling My Disease

This past weekend was kind of rough in regards to dealing with my condition.  In hindsight, I think things could have gone better if I had been a little more proactive.  My blood sugars ran high almost the entire weekend.  The scary part was that at one point when I thought it was low, a quick meter test showed quite the opposite.  That meant my sugar had been high for so long, I was unable to distinguish hyperglycemia from hypoglycemia.  I kept taking medicine and nothing seemed to work.  It was not until yesterday when I changed my insulin that I started to get relief.  Looking at the previous injection site, the skin around it seem bruised.  I guess I bumped or rubbed the site and caused my insulin to gather there rather than properly entering my bloodstream.  I consider that a lesson learned.  Battling my disease can be difficult.  I have to make smart decisions to make sure I am always the one who wins.

Little Things Mean a Lot

A friend sent me an email a couple of days ago.  The contents of the email really touched my heart.  I opened the email and my heart started racing.  I was so happy and excited by what was sent.  I thanked her repeatedly that night.  The thing about the email is that she did not have to send it.  She chose to do so.  The email was nothing extravagant and I made no monetary gains from it.  It was the fact that she shared a piece of herself with me in that email that made it special.  She reminded me that it's not the size of the gift or how much it costs that is important.  The most important part of a gift is the amount of thought you put into the gift and how much of your heart is into the actual act of giving.

Toilet Paper

My wife sent me a text message a couple of days ago stating we needed toilet paper for the house.  I did not respond to the message.  I simply stopped by the store on the way home.  I stored the toilet paper in the hallway closet as normal.  The next night, my nephew comes to me with a huge roll of toilet paper, the kind used in restaurants and office buildings.  I looked at him puzzled.  He explained he knew we were out of tissue and brought some home from work.  I applaud his attempt to help; however, I refuse to wipe my posterior with that sandpaper like material.  He can use that toilet paper if he wants.  I'll stick to the soft stuff.

Possible Win-Win Situation

I was chatting with a co-worker of mine this past weekend about bills and struggling to make ends meet.  She mentioned to me that she is paying over $700 per month in daycare fees for her 2 small children.  While we were talking, a light bulb went off.  I asked her if she would be willing to consider letting my wife watch her kids for about $500 per month.  This would save her $200 to put towards other things and also provide a source of income for my wife.  I explained my wife used to run a daycare and she is also a certified teacher so the kids would still be learning if she took my offer.  She told me she would talk it over with her husband and get back to me.  Saving a friend money and generating income for my wife - sounds like a win-win to me.

Looking Forward to 2013

I usually don't get excited about future events because things are always subject to change.  This time, however, I am crossing my fingers and my toes that nothing interferes with a couple of events I have lined up for January and February of 2013.  January will provide an opportunity to experience a cultural event with someone I truly enjoy being around.  February brings a chance to take a trip with some peers of mine who share similar ideals.  I am looking forward to enjoying myself both times.  I am hoping the events set the trend for 2013 and the year will bring many new and exciting chances in my life.

The Art of Gift Giving

There is an art to gift giving.  It's not about how much something costs or where it comes from.  You have to know the receiver's likes/dislikes.  You have to get he/she something they want or will use.  You have to have a very personal relationship with the person.  That way, when you come across the correct gift, you will be certain. The gift will call out to you.  The receiver will be excited you put forth so much thought and effort into getting something for them.  With all the birthdays celebrated in the past week, I think it is safe to say, I am pretty ok at the art of gift giving.

The 5th Birthday in Two Weeks

I have been trying to wrap my head around the idea that I have worked with this woman for several years and not known when her birthday is celebrated.  I was speaking to one of the crew members at my part time job about the birthday gifts I got for someone at my full time.  As we chatted she mentioned having to work on her birthday and waiting til New Year's to celebrate.  I realized her birthday occurred this weekend.  Luckily I was able to get her a gift on short notice she could enjoy.  I am still dumbfounded.  Five birthdays within two weeks on each other.

Thanksgiving 2012

This year's Thanksgiving was the tamest I have had in the last 3 years.  I went to work as usual.  I spent about 7 hours in the office and came home.  The wife and kids had prepared dinner the night before.  By the time I got home yesterday, they had already eaten.  I fixed my plate and devoured my food.  The kids went outside to play and I raked a few leaves out of the flower bed.  After that, I spent time on the computer checking email and killing time.  I had to make a alcohol run for the wife.  We had a few drinks and called it a night.  All in all, not a bad day.  No major calamities.  I'll take that. 

Financial Hole Continues to Grow

The financial hole I currently find myself in continues to increase in size.  Some days it is a minor increase - barely noticeable.  Other days, the hole increases on an exponential scale.  Every time I think I have finally gotten a grip on things, something else pops up or happens.  Some of it is my own fault.  There have been a few situations where a good opportunity was presented to me and I invested in it rather than think of the long term consequences.  For example, knowing we are behind on the mortgage payments, I still purchased $300 worth of chicken and seafood from a friend of the family. The meat retails for about $400.  So even though I saved money and now have food to put on the table, I still have to worry about having a house to put the table in.  My sister in law has loaned us more money to help get caught up.  We now owe her $2100 with no idea of when we can start to repay her.  I never thought I would find myself in this type of situation.  I never thought I would find myself in financial hell.  I guess that's what happens when you depend on others to help get  you through life.  I just hope I can start filling this financial crater before it consumes me and my girls.

Four Birthdays in 10 days

Late November has suddenly become a busy birthday time in my life.  I have four different females ranging from 16 to 34 whom I need to shop for.  Each lady is unique in her tastes.  Each one holds a place in my heart or my life.  Each one will receive something I hope they cherish.

Pay Close Attention

Monday at work, I was reminded of how even when you think people are not watching you, they pay close attention to what you do.  I approached the desk of a female colleague to ask about a report.  She looked at me and asked if I had shaved that morning.  I gave her an unsure stare and replied no.  I explained I had shaved the day before.  My thinking was she noticed a cut or something on my face.  She explained that my complexion looked really good.  Really?  My complexion?  You pay that much attention to my skin?  Just goes to show - you never know who is watching you and why.  Pay close attention to your surroundings at all times.

Am I Jealous?

I was talking with one of my peers yesterday at work.  I have been doing assisting her a lot to help get her acclimated to the way the business runs.  She made the comment that she had been approached by one of the upper managers and complimented on her work.  She was told people had their eyes on her.  When my peer shared the news with me, I told her congrats.  I hinted she may be about to move up in the world.  Then for a brief second, I was upset.  It didn't last long - just long enough for me to recognize the emotion.  For the blink of an eye, I was pissed that she was being recognized for her work yet I was the one showing her what to do and how.  The moment passes as quickly as it came.  I reminded myself that I am a black sheep and don't always fit into the cookie cutter design of our organization.  I realized I shouldn't be and couldn't be jealous of my peer.  I wish her all the best and will do anything I can to help her succeed.

Set Up for Failure

There are times in life when we are set up for failure.  Sometimes it is our own doing because we did not properly plan.  Other times, it is the result of someone else's actions.  I was set up for failure this past weekend at my part time job.  I don't think it was intentional.  I think decisions were made in haste and as a result my team members were the ones who had to suffer.  My staffing was cut by 30% because business had been slow all week.  Normally, a slow week leads to a busy weekend.  This theory held true.  We were swamped.  My team did the best they could and considering the circumstances I feel we succeeded.  When it comes to being set up for failure, you can either accept it and get beat down or you can accept it and fight back.

Reading, Writing and Arithmetic

I was lucky enough to go to school and graduate with a high school diploma.  I was also lucky enough to attend college and earn a BS degree.  Even if I had not achieved the second goal, I feel I am smart enough to handle most of what life throws at me.  I learned tonite, everyone does not share that same mindset.  I literally watched a grown woman not be able to add 2 numbers multiple times to reach an answer.  At first I thought she was joking.  When I realized she was serious, I offered my help.  

Air Freshener Vs. Disinfectant

I was talking to my nephew today on the phone about trying to get rid of a burnt popcorn smell which was lingering in the house.  I told him to get the can of air freshener off of my desk and spray a little as well as lighting a newly purchased candle.  He asked which can I was referring to.  Although I was not at the house, I was pretty sure I knew what was on my desk.  I asked him for the colors of the cans.  His response let me know that he saw one can of air freshener and one can of disinfectant.  He asked if they were the same.  I had to stop and think before the wrong words left my mouth.  I told him the purpose of disinfectant was to kill germs and air freshener helped get rid of odors.  He chimed in stating he had been told they are the same thing.  I hated to burst his bubble.  I had to explain the proper use of each item before things got out of hand.

Lack of Knowledge

Lack of knowledge is seldom a good thing.  I found this out the hard way today.  I received a call from my manager of my part time job asking if I had received any tickets on my license.  He had received notification from the company my license was suspended.  I figured it was a mistake relating back to the ticket I received with my accident back in July.  A phone call to the local highway patrol confirmed my theory.  I thought I had taken care of the ticket.  Come to find out I had taken care of it on the local level but not the state level. I had to pay $25 to have my license re-instated.  Lack of knowledge can be costly.

The State Approved Doctor

Today my wife had another doctor visit.  This was not a trip to either of her regular therapists.  This was a trip to the doctor assigned by the state to evaluate her condition as it regards her disability claim.  We left the house early to ensure we had time to locate the office. We arrived about ten minutes before he appointment. The paperwork she received said the evaluation could take up to 2 hours.  Everything in front of the building was one hour parking.  Once inside, I asked the receptionist if there was another parking area.  She quickly stated, "you won't be here an hour.  Don't worry about it."  We sat and waited for the doctor.  Appointment time arrived and no doctor.  Ten minutes later he appeared and introduced himself.  He took my wife to his office and started the evaluation.  Literally she was back there 10 minutes.  We spent more time waiting on the doctor than what she actually spent with him.  I don't know if that is a good or bad thing.  We'll have to wait and see what the prognosis is from the State Approved Doctor.

I Can't Help if I Don't Know the Problem

Today during her session at the doctor my wife dropped a bombshell.  She told the doctor she had been thinking about the child she aborted nearly 21 years ago.  In fact, my wife said she was planning on going out and drinking on the actual day as a kind of celebration/tribute to her lost child.  The doctor reminded my wife that she has 3 healthy kids right now and that drinking to remember the aborted child was not a smart thing to do.  This is the type of stuff that concerns me about my wife.  She told me about her abortion a little less than 2 years ago.  I had no idea when it happened as far as the time of year.  So I was blindsided when she told the doctor about her current mindset.  I can't help if I don't know the problem.  

My Words Cut

I've been told by several people that I have a talent with words.  I'm one of those people that can take a basic thought and turn it into an elegant statement.  One of the sups I work with often asks for my input on how to say things to get his point across clearly.  I have also been told that my blunt honesty can hurt, a lot.  Today while at the doctor with my wife she said something which required my feedback.  Luckily, I had made up my mind before entering the office that I would be careful of what I said.  I took a deep breath, looked at the doctor first and then turned to my wife.  I told her to be careful of the path she was walking.  She was about to make a dangerous step and my words were going to cut her deep.  The doctor quickly interjected and said that I seemed a little frustrated.  At this point, I decided not to verbally assault my wife only because I was not in the mood to deal with her tears.  I just need her to keep in mind that when I get started, my words cut deeper than any blade.

2yr Anniversary

This is around the time 2 years ago that my wife had her first major breakdown and ended up in the psych ward of the local hospital.  With everything going on with us as far as bills and lack of money, I'm not too sure where her head is.  I don't know if she is going to just blow things off and hope I can handle it by myself or if she is going to panic and end up back in the hospital.  Only time will tell.   This is one anniversary, I do not look forward to celebrating on a yearly basis.

Three Sides to Every Story Revisited

Back in April of this year, I brought up the topic of three sides to every story as defined by Usher.  Recently at work, I feel I am running into the situation again.  There is a male supervisor who we will call Mr. A.  Mr. A is attracted to female supervisor Mrs. B.  Mrs. B. is married with 2 kids.  Mrs. B has become a close associate of mine in recent months.  Mr. A. has observed us talking and jumped to conclusions.  He has approached her on a couple of occasions inquiring if there is more us than the work relationship.  I think he has even gone so far as to ask other supervisors for information about Mrs. B and me.  This only helps to feed the fire of stupidity.  So now you have his side, her side and my side of the same situation.  Wonder which of us is telling the truth?    

Let Mouth Write a Check, Your Ass Can't Cash

My grandfather used to tell me all the time not to let my mouth write a check that my ass would not be able to cash.  Basically he was reminding me to be careful what I said because of potential consequences.  There was a recent incident at my job where such an event occurred.  Someone decided to write a big check with their mouth.  Actually, they wrote the check and then tried to change the value of the check.  In the end, the check was completely voided.  Her ass could not cash that check and the consequences of her actions surpassed anything that anyone there expected.

WTF Moment: You Wanna See My Daddy?

Today my wife wanted me to go with her to a doctor's appointment.  It's my day off so I agreed.  I decided to hear my hat because it was colder than normal outside.  I grabbed my sunglasses and headed for the truck.  Once we were seated and about to pull out of the driveway, my turned and looked me.  Her next statement caught me off guard and my response showed my disapproval.  It went something like this.

Her (looking at me pondering):  This is a completely random thought but I would love to see your daddy.
Me:  I don't want to see that motherfucker if it is the day past forever.

I guess she was wondering if I actually looked like my donor (yes I said donor, not dad).  For those of you who are wondering, I look like my mother.  As far as I am concerned, I have no father.

Destructive Thinking

I've avoided doing anything completely stupid ever since my wife stopped working.  I have tried my best to maintain a level head and not let the stress get to me.  Unfortunately, I am human.  I do have a breaking point.  I think I am starting to reach the point a lot faster than I would like.  Thursday, a situation happened with my wife which truly aggravated me.  I went to the store and purchased a snack along with a bottle of wine.  I drank the whole bottle of wine by myself in less than an hour.  Looking back, I realize that was not a smart move.  I also realize I am reaching a point where drinking something and sleeping off the alcohol seems like a great idea.  That's not what I need in my life.  That's destructive thinking.  I need to refocus my energy and find a positive outlet.

Can't Maintain Good Habits

Yesterday I was thinking about the fact I am unable to maintain any basic healthy habits for extended periods of time.  I get on healthy kicks for days/weeks/month at a time and then forget all about it.  One example of this is taking vitamins.  Earlier this year I made it a point to take a vitamin everyday.  I even got to the point where I purchased the vitamin packs with 7 pills in each to help support my overall health due to diabetes.  I haven't taken a vitamin in at least 2 months now.  Another example of starting and stopping healthy habits is exercise.  The month leading into the Halloween party I was all about exercise.  I started working out at least 15 minutes a day for 4 or 5 days a week trying to get toned for the party.  I haven't lifted a weight, did a push up or sit up since the week before the party.  Good news is I am small framed so it does not take much effort for me to shape up to how I like to look.  As I sit here with a bottle of water in my hand, I think about another failed healthy habit.  I always go back and forth with drinking water.  In the last 4 hours, I have consumed 2 bottled waters.  I probably won't drink anymore water for at least a week.  I don't know why I can't maintain healthy habits.

Power of a Smile

I was reminded of the power of a smile on Wednesday.  I was upset about something which occurred at home.  I went to the store to clear my head.  I got out of my vehicle with this look of disgust and was focused on making my purchase and leaving.  As I walked down the aisle of the store, I got behind a young lady.  Realizing my pace was quicker than hers I attempted to sidestep and pass her.  At this time, she turned her cart and almost bumped me.  She stopped short, said sorry and went around me.  As she walked away she smiled.  That was it.  Her smile was so warm and friendly my entire demeanor changed.  I was reminded of why I try to always be nice at work.  Something as simple as a smile can change everything about a person.

Dipping in the company pool

My manager met with the team this week as we always do.  We talked about upcoming company changes and preparations for 2013.  After we all provided our input, the females in our group were asked to leave.  Our manager then addressed some rumors which had come up.  Our manager told us the integrity of the team would not be sacrificed for the stupidity of one person.  When you read between the lines and get to the bottom of the problem, you realize someone got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  Now we all have to guard our actions to avoid any potential trouble.

Being prepared and on time

I have been reminded a lot over the past few days of the importance of being on time and being prepared for a situation.  Being prepared for a situation means you can adapt your actions to achieve the best results.  Being on time allows you cushion you need to prepare.  I have watched my peers fail miserably recently due to lack of preparation and tardiness.

Current Desktop Wallpaper

I have a quote as my current desktop wallpaper.  It says:  "No matter how useless you feel, you give someone a reason to smile."  Powerful words.

Beyond Lazy

Over the past few days there have been several incidents which remind me of how extremely lazy some people can be.  Of course I am referring to my wife in this case.  Friday morning I got up and prepared for work.  I placed a load of dirty clothes in the washer and started the machine.  About an hour later I called back and spoke with my wife.  I asked her to put the wet clothes in the dryer.  I also told her to complete some paperwork related to her disability claim which was on my desk.  Around noon I went to lunch.  I stopped by the house to grab something on my way back to work.  Guess where the clothes were?  Still in the washer.  The paperwork?  Still on my desk.  My wife.  In the bed asleep in the middle of the day.  So let's move on to yesterday.  I received a call from my wife asking if I got her message.  I had not checked my phone so I was unaware of the text she had sent.  She asked if she could have money to purchase burgers and fries for the family to eat.  I asked if we had food in the house.  Her response was "yeah but I don't feel like cooking."  Really?  Are you serious?  What kind of mother is too lazy to cook for her children?  And to top yesterday off, the leftover food remains on top of the stove uncovered.  So you have wasted food by being too lazy to properly store it.  Every time I think we may be making a little progress into being financially  ok, she pulls one of these numbers and reminds me she doesn't care enough to help save our future.

Doctor's Visit

I had yet another doctor's visit yesterday.  This trip actually went fairly well.  I was a little more prepared and  had actually been following the plan a little better.  We discussed the patterns of when my blood sugars would be high and when they would go low.  We made a couple of adjustments to my insulin regiment to try and compensate for the patterns.  The doctor also cut my cholesterol medicine in half because she felt the pills were working almost too well.  Who would have ever thought I was actually doing something right about my health?  No protein showed up in my other test which means the kidneys and liver are working fine.  All in all a decent visit.  I go back in six weeks.  We'll see if I can maintain or improve on my current status.

Can't Afford the Foolishness

I should have known this past weekend was going to cost a lot more than I anticipated.  I had planned on recovering some of the money I invested from entrance fees paid by some of the guests.  I should have known better.  I also anticipated being able to spend the whole night and enjoying a nice breakfast courtesy of the hotel.  The actions of some of my peers prevented this also.  Their actions did not however, stop the hotel from charging my card as if I stayed the entire night.  I thought about disputing the charge for a brief second and realized it was pointless.  We used the room and we were put out.  We were responsible for paying.  Correction, I was responsible for paying.  I consider it a lesson learned.  I can’t afford the foolishness in the future.  I just added to total for the room, the alcohol I purchased and the food.  Total came to around $500.  If I had enjoyed myself as much as others and contributed to being thrown out I would not be so upset.  Considering I tapped out early in the night to avoid getting sick, I think it was a bad choice on my part.  You live and you learn.  The cost of others foolishness is a price I refuse to pay.  

Three Years Ago

Three years ago I had a once in a lifetime encounter with a friend.  We spent time alone and really got to know each other.  More importantly, I gained her trust.  Since that day three years ago I have prided myself as someone she can come to with any kind of problem.  I have tried my best to be there for her whenever she needs me.  Others have come and gone in her life.  I have tried to remain a constant.  She has returned the favor and bailed me out of trouble a couple of times.  More importantly, she has been a sounding board… someone I can vent to and not be judged.  The relationship I started three years ago is what has gotten me through the good and bad times over the months.  Three years ago, my life started over for the better.