Dear Customer

I've been wanting to write this post for a while but procrastination is one of my best friends.  Over the course of my career I have worked for a grocery chain, two retail pharmacies, two pizza companies and two call centers.  Often times there are things as employees we wish we could say so that people outside the industry could better understand us.  This post will list a few of those things but is NOT an all-inclusive list. 

1.  Mr/Mrs Customer - you are just that, a customer.  You are not my mother, my father or my significant other.  I don't owe you shit. Thank you and have a great day.
2. When you walk in the door and I speak, you could at least turn your head and acknowledge my gesture.  Trust me, if I didn't have to try and greet every motherfucker that comes in, then I wouldn't.  Unfortunately my company deems it necessary. I'm not asking to have a conversation.  Just look in the direction of my voice and simply say "hello."
3. If I could get paid minimum wage or better to stand at the front counter and do nothing but wait on customers, I would.  But guess what?  My company gets every fucking penny worth out of me.  So my daily tasks include but are not limited to:  checking out customers, stocking shelves, assisting customers find items in the store, taking out trash, cleaning the bathrooms, counting the money,  getting the money to the bank, running and analyzing reports, changing prices, changing merchandise displays and putting shit back where it belongs because your lazy ass threw it behind something on the wrong fucking aisle.
4.  The food you receive will NEVER look like that shit on television.  Unless you don't have cable and internet, everyone should now know about the tricks and techniques that companies use to make a product look mouth-watering on television versus what you really get.  So unless we have totally fucked up your food, take that shit and get out of my restaurant.
5. I'm human.  I'm entitled to a mistake on super duper rare occasions.  In this world of perfection, there are still a few of us who can't always get it right.  If I fuck up, I'll take full responsibility and try to correct my mistake.  However, if the mistake occurs because your dumbass can't operate a smartphone, all bets are off.
6.  You are not my only customer.  I'm sorry that you are in a hurry and just want to pay and go but I can't make this 70 year old woman move any faster.  Either be patient and wait and take your ass elsewhere.  We're not the only place in town that sells what you want.
7.  Unless you see self checkout registers, someone is working in the store.  Please reread #3.  When you approach the register, walk up to the counter and place your merchandise there.  That lets me know that you are ready to pay.  Continuing to fumble around the front of the store and picking up random shit makes me think you are still browsing.  Also, yelling "hello! is anyone working?" is a sure fire way to get mean mugged.
8. Control your bad ass kids.  I'm either in a restaurant or a retail pharmacy environment currently when I work.  I don't have time or patience for your rug rats to tear shit up for me to have to fix later. 
9. I don't know everything.  As much as I would love to be, I am not omnipotent.  I know enough to be dangerous but I don't know it all. I'll provide you with as much information as possible to try and help but don't get mad because I can't answer your dumb ass question.
10.  Prices change.  Please stop coming in and saying "well last week, i paid..." You are absolutely right. Last week you did pay less but guess what.  Inflation happens and as a company, we decided to pass the cost on to you. 

My Girlfriend is Moving

A few months ago, my girlfriend informed me that she is moving out of state.  I encourage the move because I feel she needs a fresh start away from family and friends so she can reinvent herself and be successful.  Well, life happens and her move was delayed.  She plans on leaving at the end of next month now.  People that know she and I are close (they don't know that we are involved) have asked both of us separately, if I am okay with her leaving.  I guess it's because I am her current go-to when things get rough.  As I stated earlier, I am encouraging her to move.  I just have to keep telling myself it is for the best. 

Facing Reality

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years.  We met in high school and have basically been involved ever since.  We've been married 14 of those years and are the parents of 3 beautiful girls.  We've had our good times and bad times but we've survived.  Unfortunately, it is time to bring an end to our survival.  I know that I have personally brought up the idea of divorce several times in the past when we were having problems but failed to get the procedure done.  Based on our most recent disagreements, we have decided to proceed with a divorce.  She is currently getting advice from a friend who happens to be a lawyer but has not hired a lawyer.  (When you figure out how the hell that works, please let me know.)  My wife talked to me the other day and advised me that her friend would draw up the legal documents for the divorce as long as we agreed on the terms.  Our agreement would prevent us from having to go to court and dealing with a judge.  She was informed the procedure could take as little as 3 months but could go longer depending on if there are any complications.  So I could possibly be single again at the start of 2019.  Guess it's time to face reality and start preparing for our separation.