Death All Around

There has been a lot of death around me in the last couple of weeks.  I found out a week ago that one of my former managers, a lady in her late 30s died.  My wife learned this week that her uncle died.  While speaking with my mother I was informed one of my uncle's sisters had died.  They say death comes in three's.  Hopefully it has completed the cycle for the time being.

WTF - Do you see what I see?

I was driving down the road the other day and saw something utterly hilarious to me.  There was a Honda Civic driving on its spare tire.  This Honda Civic was towing a trailor with a riding lawnmower on it.  WTF?  The mower was about the same size as the car.  What would have happened if the car broke down?  Was the driver going to hop on the mower and ride home?  SMH.

WTF - Why are you here?

The nephew told me Friday that my sisters-in-law had met up with him and taken his copy of the house key.  I didn't think too much of it at the time.  When I came home from work Friday night, guess who was at my house?  Both my younger sisters-in-law.  WTF?!  Who da hell invited you to come to my house?  My wife was out of town so no one was there when they arrived.  Apparently they initially planned on spending the night but changed their minds at the last minute.  I just love how my home is a damn hotel where I don't get paid by my guests.

Don't Miss a Good Thing Til It's Gone

This might be mean and petty of me but the nephew is truly missing how good he had it while he was living with me.  He has called me twice this week asking to borrow money for gas.  Both times I politely declined.  How do you expect to be able to take care of yourself and a family when you can't even get to work?  All that time he was living here for free and should have been saving has caught up with him.

The "What If" Game

I am not a big fan of the "what if" game.  I feel the events that have happened in our lives are what make us who we are.  If it didn't happen, it was not meant to be a factor in our development.  But every now and then, just for laughs or to really make me focus, I play the "what if" game.  Below are some of the what if questions I asked myself today.  They are completely random so please don't try to find a pattern or a common link.

What if this quiet, nerdy little guy had not caught the eye of my now wife at that summer camp almost 20 years ago?  Where would I be?  Who would I be with, if anyone?

What if I actively pursued the one that got away from my childhood days?  We were the best of friends and knew everything about each other.  Her family liked me.  Her kiss was exquisite.  The one sexual encounter we had was on the couch in her college apartment when she agreed to let me go down on her.  The look on her face once I finished is still burned in my mind.  What could have come out of that possible relationship?

What if I had gotten a divorce after my infidelity six years ago?  Where would I be working?  Who would I be with?  Would I still be a father of three?  Who would my wife be with?

What if I had opted for a divorce after my wife was diagnosed with depression and ruled unable to work?  Where would my kids and I be right now?  Would my wife be a prisoner in some state mental hospital?  Would her family have stepped up to care for her in her condition?

What if I divorced my wife after all the drama we have been through and pursued a relationship with the woman who stole my heart a few years ago?  She embodies everything I look for in a mate - smart, witty, good-looking and willing to do what it takes to survive.  What if the other woman had not been involved with someone else at the time?  Would she and I be an ideal couple?

What if my co worker had accepted my offer for the trip with all the stipulations?  Would I have been able to go through with it?  Or would my conscience have kicked in and stopped me in my tracks?  Would she have enjoyed it and wanted more?

That's the problem with the what if game.  A lot of thoughts run through your mind.  Unfortunately for me, none of those questions will ever be answered.

Over Confident

One of the traits people associate with me is confidence.  I'm confident in my skill set and I am up for any challenge.  That confidence is also a curse.  Confidence has led me to say and do things without worrying about the consequences.  Case in point - recently I made (which in hindsight seems like a foolish idea), an offer to a co worker to take her on an overnight trip and cover all the expenses.  She had to tell me yes our no by the end of our work day.  Her response was she wanted to think about it more.  The next day the confidence in me caused a problem.  I told her I knew she wanted to go but was trying to figure out how to escape one of the stipulations of the trip.  I went on to tell her not to worry about it and the offer was null/void.  Confidence made me ruin a chance to show someone a good time because they needs longer to ponder the deal.  Being over confident can be a curse.

It's Been One Week

It's been one week since I issued the ultimatum to the nephew and his girlfriend about moving out of my house.  I told them they had until today to find somewhere else to live.  In typical fashion, they were not listening to what I said and moved out the next day.  Oh well.  Better they left sooner than later.

I Dodged A Bullet. My Friends Weren't So Lucky

The shift bid is over.  Things turned out well for me.  I was able to keep my exact same shift.  So no crazy adjustments to my schedules are necessary.  My close friends, on the other hand, now have shifts on the complete opposite end of the spectrum.  They are both now working late shifts.  I am concerned for one friend because kids are involved in the situation and finding a good night time baby sitter is a true challenge.  I wish there was something I could do to help.  We'll just have to see how things pan out.

Inevitable Change

Anyone who has ever worked in a call center know that the only constant is change.  Well things are about to change for my company.  For the first time in 6 years, the company is having an all in shift bid.  For those of you reading who don't understand that concept, let me explain.  Every employee in the company is ranked based on certain criteria.  Once the ranking is complete, all of the available shifts are up for grabs.  Employee request shifts based on their rankings.  The good news is that this rewards hard work for people who may need to change their shift due to things outside work.  The bad news is that people who did not perform well based on the criteria selected may have to change shifts and in turn change their lives outside of work.  The all in shift bid is a double edged sword.  I'm just hoping I don't get cut by that blade.

Gone Too Soon

I've got to stop taking these week long droughts when it comes to blogging.  So much has happened in the last 7 days.  The first thing that comes to my mind is the death of a former manager.  This manager was in his late 30s.  He had been sick for a while but refused to go to the doctor.  When he finally went to the doctor, the symptoms he displayed led to one diagnosis.  He started taking medicine but did not get any better.  A second opinion led to a startling discovery.  He had waited so long to go to the doctor, the true culprit had deteriorated his body which caused the first wrong diagnosis.  He's dead now because of that.  It's hard to believe that someone that young who seemed to be in good health the last time I talked to him, is gone now.  It really makes you think about taking care of your self.  It also reminds me that tomorrow is not promised.

Never Assume

 A close friend told me years ago you should never assume anything.  When I asked about why he felt that way, he broke the word down for me.  A-S-S-U-M-E.  When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.  Since learning that lesson, I have tried my best not to assume anything.  Unfortunately, I forgot that lesson today.  I assumed two of my close friends had been talking and knew what was going on in the others' lives.  I revealed some information which should have remained confidential.  That's what happens when you assume.  Now, me and my big mouth have caused animosity between my friends.  I can't undo what has been done and I really can't even try to mend the situation.  This is one of those life lessons what we need to learn but hate the teaching method.  Never assume.

Lay All Your Cards on the Table

I've been thinking about this post for most of the evening and decided to go with a poker motive to try and illustrate my point.  Poker is an interesting game to watch, especially when dealing with people with "poker faces."  You can never tell what is really going on in their mind.  On the other hand, rookies have tell signs as to how things are going.  Life is the same way.  You have some people like me who rarely show emotion or overly react to a situation.  Other people wear their feelings on the sleeve.  I took my pokeresque skills and put them to the test today.  I had a very deep conversation with one of my co-workers about an issue she was having in her life.  I laid all my cards on the table.  I let her know everything I could about her situation and what I felt she should do.  All I can do now is hope she showed me all her cards and is not hiding an ace up her sleeve.

I Eat Like a Kid

I think one of the many reasons my daughters love me so much is because I eat like a kid.  I'm not into all the casseroles, roasts, leg of this and rack of that.  Give me some basic finger food and I am good.  Today was a prime example.  I stopped at the store on the way home.  I purchased a pack of hot dogs, a pack of buns and some baked beans.  When I asked the girls if they wanted hot dogs, all three sprang to their feet.  I was able to feed a family of 5 (wife, 3 kids and self) for $7.  Sometimes it is beneficial that I eat like a kid.

Don't Walk Away

Have you ever tried to walk away from a situation because I felt it was for the best?  What happens when someone or something keeps drawing you back into the situation?  Do you keep trying to pull apart and leave the situation?  Or do you stop running and stand to fight your demons?  Neither is an easy choice.

More Doctor Visits for the Wife

Recently my wife went to her general practitioner about her inability to lose weight. I had contributed her roundness to her being lazy.  When you eat and lay down with any type of physical activity, you tend to gain weight.  Especially in a case like hers where she has not worked in over a year.  The doctor ran some tests and discovered an abnormal level of hormones.  She had to have an ultrasound done of her system yesterday and has now been referred to an specialist.  I hope they are able to get to the bottom of her problem quickly.  I don't know how many more doctor's visits I can afford.  

I Hate Being Sick

I hate being sick.  I can't think of anyone that truly enjoys being sick but some people get more pleasure out of it than others.  Some people look at being sick as an excuse for others to wait on them hand and foot during the recovery.  I look at being sick as a burden.  I spent the majority of the day yesterday on my couch.  No cutting grass, no washing clothes.  Just me laying on the couch.  When I was not on the couch I was with my wife at her doctor appointment.  Did I mention that I laid out in the truck while she was in the office.  That's how sick I am.  I did not eat any actual food until I came home from work last night.  Thank god for energy drinks and strong wills.  Today I at least have an appetite but my nose is still running.  I am taking some cough and cold medicine but it does not seem to be doing much good.  I hate being sick.  I can't wait until this passes.

Karma

Please be aware of and afraid of karma.  When she decides you have done wrong and feels you need to be taught a lesson, she will.  In my 36 years of life, I have seen it firsthand many times.  She has never let me down.

Me, the Angel and the Devil

You ever see those cartoons where the devil is on one shoulder telling someone to do the wrong thing and the angel is on the other shoulder telling the person to do right?  Have you ever seen when the angel gives up and agrees with the devil?  I am in that type of situation now. I've been back and forth about how to deal with someone.  The devil has been in my ear telling me all the things I want to do but shouldn't.  My angel has  been providing alternatives every step of the way.  The angel has gotten tired.  I think the angel is ready to throw in the towel.  That devil on the other hand, this motherfucker has a caffeine IV.  He is relentless.  I'm going to give it a couple of days to see what happens.  Maybe the angel will get a second wind and mount a comeback.  Or maybe the devil is about to deliver the knockout punch and get what he wants.

What Brings Us Together

It amazes me that as a society we can be so stuck on ourselves and so conceited we could care less about our fellow man.  We get so wrapped up in "I gotta get mines" that we don't want to help and support others. It usually takes a major event - something unexpected to make us forget about just ourselves and start thinking about the next person.  It's sad to know that sometimes, something bad has to happen to bring out the good in people.  It's sad to know that what brings us together can also tear us apart.

Time and Distance

I had a not-so-pleasant conversation with one of my co-workers last week.  It was not a complete disaster but the Aries came out of me and I let all the truth come out my mouth.  Since that time, I have tried to distance myself from that person.  Normally, I would not do such a thing but right now I feel like I need to step back, observe, re-evaluate the situation and approach it from a different angle. Due to the holiday this week and both of us taking time off last week, minimal contact/interaction has been accomplished.  I just have to decide if this person is a reason, a season or a lifetime so I can deal with them appropriately.  Hopefully I have had enough time to select the distance I want to be from this person.

WTF Moment - Another Houseguest

Yesterday I received a phone call from my manager about a mandatory meeting.  (Amazing how mandatory things for both my jobs always occur when I'm not supposed to be at work.)  When I returned home from the meeting my wife informed me that her niece was coming to spend the night.  WTF?  You didn't ask if it was okay with me?  We don't live in a mansion or a hotel.  We stay in a 3 bedroom house.  The nephew and his girlfriend sleep in one room.  My two oldest sleep in a room and my wife sleeps in the main bedroom with  the youngest.  I sleep on the couch. I'm guessing the niece slept in the room with the nephew since they are brother and sister but I imagine that was awkward as fuck.  Maybe not since the niece is a lesbian.  Regardless, I just don't understand why my home has become a parking garage and a hotel for her family every time they are in the area.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

I recently shared my interpretation of "A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime" with one of my female co-workers. I told her about how I felt people fit into your lives and how their positions could change passed on the events taking place around us.  Obviously, she asked where she fit in my life.  I told her at this point, I think she is a season.  I think she is there to get me through my current work situation.  (I did not share this part with her.  I really think that if either of us transition to another job, our season will be over.)  I feel I am a reason in her life.  I feel my specific purpose in her life is to get her through this job and the bump she is having with her marriage.  Once those two goals are accomplished, I'll vanish off into the sunset.  I was also thinking about a former close friend of mine who I thought was in my life for a lifetime.  I guess I judged that one wrong.  It seems she was there for a season and now the leaves of change have sent us on on separate ways.  Thus is the way of life.  People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  You have to judge them well.  

Doctor's Visit

I went to see my diabetic doctor on Monday.  There was a new nutrition expert there so we discussed my eating habits (or the lack thereof) as well as exercise and how I manage my extreme glucose levels.  The doctor came in and her eyes were as big as half dollars when she looked at my readings from last week.  Almost every time I tested my glucose last week, it was low.  Last Thursday I bottomed out several times throughout the day.  She asked if I thought my insulin settings were correct.  I told her yes and that stress from work was contributing to my lows.  She said stress usually has the opposite affect on people.  I reminded her that I am the exception to most rules of the diabetic game plan.  We agreed that I should reduce my insulin intake while at both jobs.  She also stated I should test more often at work.  I'm hoping last week's situation was an isolated event.  If I have another day like last Thursday when I end up eating 2 full tubes of glucose tablets just to get through a single day at my full time job, I am taking time off to pursue other options.  I can't afford for a job to stress me to the point of putting my health at risk.  

Return From Vacation

Prior to my wife and kids returning from their beach vacation, I tried to make sure the house was clean.  I swept and mopped the kitchen.  I cleaned the glass kitchen table.  I washed all the dishes.  I cleaned and organized the living room.  I washed all the clothes and folded them.  Today, with them back, things are back to normal.  I have cups throughout my living room and kitchen in various places.  There are dishes in the sink.  Dirty clothes are in the wash room on the floor and in the washer.  There is a load of dry clothes in the dryer from a couple of days ago.  Granted I missed my family, I didn't miss the mess they make when they are here.

Guess the Gas Evaporated

I normally cut my grass on my off days from my full time job which are Tuesday and Wednesday.  Last week, I went to the store and purchased about 2 gallons of gas for the mower.  My usual routine is to top off before I start, cut about half the yard, top off again and finish the other half.  For those wondering, I have a Poulan push mower.  I added that piece of information for this post to make a little more sense.  Fast forward to this week.  I went outside yesterday to cut the grass.  I went to my gas can to top off what was in the mower.  The can was empty.  I scratched my head for a minute trying to remember if I purchased gas last week because if so, then there should have been some remaining.  I remember getting gas because the store was in the process of lowering the price when I was there.  I didn't kill any ant beds with gas because I have some actual fire ant powder.  My weed eater is now electric and I did not use the blower.  Therefore, I should have had some gas remaining.  I called the nephew to ask if he knew what happened to the gas in the can because I remember him asking for gas money last week.  He told me he didn't know anything about it.  So I guess the gas just evaporated from the can and I am just plain stupid.

Conversation with the Nephew

Last Thursday I was home trying to relax. I was actually laying on my couch playing Angry Birds Star Wars on my cell phone.  The nephew comes in and decides he wants to ask me a few questions.  I guess over the years of being around me, he has not learned that you should not disturb my relaxation with foolishness.  He asked me if I thought he made bad decisions.  My response was a quick, "Yep."  His follow up question was  if I thought he would be in jail or dead if he was not living with us.  He received a second "yep."  Then he turned that corner.  He asked why I felt that way.  I politely stopped my game and lit into his ass.  I explained to him that he had no follow through.  I explained he was not wise with his money even though my wife and I both tried to tell him how to prepare for his future.  I reminded him that, as the old saying goes he does not have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.  His only worldly possessions are his clothes and his car.  He has no money saved and has baby number 3 due in November.  I explained to him he had to stop doing what he wanted to do and start doing what he had to do.  I reminded him that come November, I need him, his girlfriend and his newborn out of my house.  By the time our conversation ended he was in tears.  Oh well.  Don't ask the question if you don't really want the answer.

When You Genuinely Care

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how much I care about her and her well being.  I think the following statement summed everything up fairly well.  "I have cared for you since you joined my team years ago.  The strength of my caring has increased exponentially as our relationship has grown."