Thursday, March 29, 2012

Conversations

Life has taught me to carefully observe people during conversation.  You have to watch a person's body language while they talk to understand if they are lying or telling the truth.  I am by no means a human lie detector.  But I try to observe if the words coming out of someone's mouth match what the rest of the body is saying.  Often times we have conversations with people who say one thing but actually feel completely different.  Society has taught us that it is sometimes better to go with the crowd rather than stand on your own.  I try my best to stand on my own.  I try my best to make sure my body language matches what I am saying.  I try to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I try to always have real conversations with those I care for. 

Upcoming Birthday

I turn 35 on Monday.  That's a decent amount of living under my belt but I still have a long way to go.  Not really sure what my birthday will bring this year.  I decided not to take off time from work because of last year's birthday fiasco.  Still trying to figure out how I ended up working in the garden and babysitting on my birthday but shit happens.  The gifts I received didn't make things much better.  A leaf blower and an edger.  Really? I got yard tools for my birthday.  I realize that it's the thought that counts but those gifts say a lot about what the giver(s) thought about me.  I like Garfield's philosophy on birthdays.  Birthdays are the one day a year that the world revolves around you.  Considering that I am working at both jobs, I'm not foreseeing much happening.  That's cool.  I think I would prefer a non-eventful birthday as opposed to spending another doing things I really don't want to. 

Appeal Decision

My academic advisor called me today and stated my appeal was approved.  They are going to let me back into school.  I gotta stay on top on my shit this time.  No time for foolishness. Can't afford it.  This time, the wife is going to have to pull her weight.  I can't play mommy and daddy by myself anymore if I want to succeed and complete school. 

WTF Moment - Another Foolish Text Message

You're going to love this one.  Another classic exchange between the wife and myself.

Her:  Two people having sex is called a twosome.  Three people having sex is called a threesome.  Four people having sex is called a foursome.  Now I know why they call you handsome. 

What would possess a grown woman to send something like that to her husband while he is at work?  It's all good though.  I'm never at a loss for words.  Check the reply out.

Me:  I know what I like. 

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Eye Opener

I had a doctor appointment on Friday.  While sitting in the waiting room, I observed some of the other people there.  Seeing what looked like the results of mismanagement of my disease really opened my eyes.  I saw an overwieght man, on crutches, with one of his legs wrapped heavily from the knee down.  I saw a woman trying to walk with a cane.  A journey which should have taken seconds took minutes due to her small stride and lack of energy.  I realized I don't want to be in their shoes ever. I realized I have to take care of myself before my diabetes takes care of me. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Guilty Conscience - Part 2

Well, my wife decided to have that conversation this morning before she went to work.  She came to me this morning and asked why didn't I care about her flirting with another man.  I told her that I couldn't get mad at her for doing something I do myself.  I'm a flirt by nature - it's a part of my personality. But it's because of my open nature that I can talk to ANYONE.  I went on to tell her that I have lived by a simple philosophy since junior high and have yet to be proved wrong.  I told her that if you are taking care of your significant other (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, baby mama, baby daddy, life partner) in four important ways, financially, spiritually, physically and emotionally, then your partner isn't going anywhere.  I went on to say I wasn't worried. I also told her that if he was in some way able to fill some void in her life, more power to him.  She looked at me and said she enjoyed the fact he complimented how she looked and that I was lucky to have her.  I didn't comment at this point because everything in me was going to come out mean.   Lucky to have her? Motherfucker please.  Lucky to have a lazy, heavily-medicated, bi-polar bitch as the mother of my three children?  Well guess what pimp? Fuck my luck!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Rumors - WTF

I had a peer of mine come to me on Sunday with some intriguing news.  She sat at my desk and asked if she told me something, could I refrain from getting upset.  I looked at her and said I would remain calm.  She looked at me and said, "I was wrong about you.  When I started working here, people told me you were lazy and didn't do any work.  But now that I have gotten to know you, I realize you are one of the hardest workers the company has."  I looked at her sideways.  I thought for a moment and posed a question to her, "The person(s) who told you I was lazy, have you EVER seen me hold a conversation with them?  Have you ever seen this motherfucker in my presence?"  She quickly responded no.  So someone that doesn't even associate with me has the nerve to tell you something about me?  WTF?!  It's all good.  I know how good I am.  That's all that is important. 

Guilty Conscience - Another Text Conversation

I wasn't too sure how to label this one initially but I think the title will serve it well.  I often joke with my friends about me needing professional help to deal with the shit in my life.  It's days like this that I wish I could afford a therapist.

Her:  I did something today that I would be angry at you for doing.
Her:  I sat in the van today during lunch and talk to Mr. Clark. And I was flirting with him the whole time.
Me:  Ok.
Her:  Did you want to talk about it later?
Me:  No
Her:  I just confessed to talking and flirting with another guy and all you have to say is ok
Me:  Yep. I'm not worried about it. I guess you feel guilty but I could care less

An hour passed by and I received the following text.

Her:  Wake me when you get home.  I want to talk. 

I arrived home and the house was unusually hot.  The dryer was going so I thought maybe that was the culprit.  No.  The oven was still on sitting at a nice warm 400 degrees.  My wife and kids were all asleep.  I went to the bedroom and woke her up.  I asked if she had been cooking.  She said yes.  I informed her she had left the stove on and walked off.  She went back to sleep.  Guess she didn't want to talk after all.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

I Got Sick...Again

Anyone that truly knows me will tell you that I hate being sick.  The main reason I hate being sick is because I don't like for people to try and take care of me.   I hate being babied.  Well yesterday the old body decided it didn't want to cooperate with my usual Friday routine.  I left job one for lunch around the same time I do every day.  I noticed I wasn't feeling too good at this point.  Now prior to this, I had been my normal silly self.  I decided to drive home and lay down.  Figured a quick power nap would help.  Wrong. My quick power nap turned into a 2 hour siesta.  Surprisingly, my wife, who is on spring break this week, didn't even know I was in the house.  I still wasn't feeling any better.  I tried to call job two to let them know I would be late.  Yea right. That didn't happen.  I ended up not going to work at all.  I spent the evening laying in bed with a temp of 103.  The wife went and got some tylenol to help bring my fever down.  Once that kicked in, I started to feel better.  Upon my return to work at both jobs, I was thoroughly cursed out by my managers.  They both felt that I finally pushed myself too hard and getting sick was the result.  Thing of it is, I didn't push myself.  I didn't do anything super hard or strenuous.  I don't know what made me sick.  All I know is that shit sucks.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

WTF Moment

I was headed home from job one today and thought to myself that the pollen and an overly aggressive fruiting tree had done a number on my vehicle.  That added to the dirt inside which was residual from bringing home plants, mulch and soil to get the yard started this year had my baby looking rough.  I stopped and vacuumed the interior out before arriving home.  Worst case scenario - at least the inside would be clean.  I got home and checked the weather.  Clear for at least the next few days.  Time to wash the truck.  I went outside and got to work.  Started with the tires and moved on to the body.  About the time I was 3/4th  of the way finished, the wife and kids came out.  A couple of minutes later, the neighbors kids came over to the the house. I looked up and my wife was across the street but all the kids were at our house.   WTF?!!! I'm not running Daddy Day Care today.  I did not say I would watch these little bad motherfuckers.  All I wanted to do was clean my truck.  I ended up having to wash the van also because the kids played with the soap and water and had it looking a worse mess than when it started.  Why me?

Text Message from the Wife

I want to share with you a text message conversation between me and my wife.  I am going to post it exactly as the exchanges went so you can see what I deal with on a daily basis.  Please keep in mind this happened while I was at work. 

Her:  Tonight I would love for you to grab my hair and fuck me like a stray dog.  Wild and rough.  Then I want to suck your dick as you cum in my mouth. 

Me:  I don't fuck strays

Her:  Well let me be your bitch

Me:  I don't deal with bitches unless they have four legs

Her:  I'll get on all four for you. And make it worth your while

Me.  Whatever.  Your knees already jacked up

Her:  Well I'm going for carpet burns

At this point in time, I stopped responding because I realized she was not going to give up.

I Got Sick

Yesterday I was sick.  Good news is that it was not the "take a trip to ICU" type of sick I normally have to deal with.  I was having problems sleeping during the night. I kept feeling like something was in my throat.  Then about 4am I started throwing up.  Nothing but liquid.  Couldn't figure out what I was puking up cause at that point the color and consistency was not matching anything I had recently eaten.  I got to the point I was dry heaving.  Now mind you I was on the den couch when this happened.  No one in the house heard me hacking my life away.  Hours later my wife came in and noticed I was still on the couch.  She made some smart comment then noticed the trash can next to me.  I spent the majority of the day on the couch.  I made myself get up and go to work because I don't miss money unless I am dying.  All I had yesterday was Gatorade.  I feel a lot better today.  Don't know what the hell happened but I hate that I was sick yesterday. 

WTF Moment

The nephew comes back to the house tonight.  Before he even enters the house, both dogs are barking.  I calm them down.  A few minutes later, he enters.  He walks to the den door and the new dog, the larger of the two growls at him aggressively like she is ready to attack.  I calm her down again and he begins to tell me about his day.  He tells me that his son, the child he has with his 2nd baby mama, is at the hospital supposedly with some scratches or bruises.  Apparently DHS (Department of Human Services - for those that don't know) has been notified.  The hospital will not release the child to him or the grandmother.  Where is the mother, you ask? This bitch is in jail.  So my nephew has come out of his pocket to help with her bail money. WTF? Really? I don't even have anything extra to say behind that.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I Can't Get Sick

It is times like this when I feel life is truly unfair to some people.  A couple of days ago my wife told me she wasn't feeling good.  She said she was having trouble focusing.  Since then, it has now escalated to her having thoughts of suicide.  She wanted me to take her meds from her as a precaution.  This also means she will do less than what she is already doing.  I am still unsure how she will achieve doing less than nothing but that's another topic.  I, on the other hand, can't get sick.  I can't call either of my bosses and tell them I am not feeling well and won't be in for my shift.  I can't tell the kids I don't feel well.  I can't get sick at all

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Appeal

I decided to go ahead and appeal my dismissal from school.  Worst case scenario they say no and I start crying about having to pay back loan money.  Best case scenario I am allowed to continue my journey towards a Master's Degree.  The decision process can take up to 3 weeks.  All I can do now is wait. 

Too Dependable

I pride myself on being dependable.  I try to make sure I am there for anyone that needs me as long as I deem the reason legitimate.  There have been many times in the past where I have not spent my free time with my family in order to help a friend but I know the friend will return the favor.  Over the last few months, I have become very close with a female co-worker.  She has been with the company less than a year and was being overcome by all the policy and procedures.  Then she met me.  I provided some much needed comic relief.  I helped her see what had to be done and what could be put off until later.   She now looks to me daily for help with job-related tasks as well as a couple of jokes to make her smile.  She depends on me to help her get through all the BS and survive our dog eat dog world.  But she is not the only one.  There are many people at the job that I must interact with on the daily.  It's like a little pick me up when the world beats you down.  The only problem with it is that I am too dependable.  I have to keep my word and deliver on anything I say I am going to do.  Failure is not an option.  I just wish sometimes I could depend on someone the same way so many people depend on me. 

So Now I'm a Whore

A couple of weekends ago was the 2 little ones birthdays.  My wife decided she would do a small gathering at the house with the neighbor’s kids and her sisters who just happened to be here. (if you ask me, I think they just wanted free food).  My wife called me at work and asked if I could pick up some pizzas and drop them off on my lunch break.  As I was preparing to leave the building I ran into one of our former employees.  I had not seen her in a while so I asked if she wanted to ride with me to drop off the food so we could talk and catch up.  We arrived at my house.   My wife glanced at the car, asked who was in the passenger seat and rolled her eyes.  Nothing was said that day.  I told one of my co-workers about it and they said I was wrong for having another female in my car.  I told them it was not like I was trying to hide anything.  The girl had attended my wife’s baby shower.  Is it my fault that my wife is insecure and any slightly attractive woman I talk to makes her nervous? Anyway, to try and calm my wife’s nerves I called her and told her I was sorry for having someone in the car with me.  She accepted the apology but was still hurt.  WTF?  Two days later my wife decides she wants to text me, while I am at work about her concern and disgust with me.  She told me that if I stopped trying to be a whore I wouldn’t make such decisions.  I had to bite my tongue before I responded.  I wanted to tell her that if I was indeed a whore I would be just like her mother and older sister.  I’d have a bunch of kids and a bunch of baby mamas.  Luckily, I’m a flirt not a whore.

Getting Sick Again

My wife thinks she is getting sick again.  Yesterday my wife was at work and sent me a message that she felt like she was spinning out of cotrol.  After going back and forth with her for a while, she finally decided to leave work.  Late yesterday evening she sent me a message she felt like she was getting sick again.  She was having suicidal thoughts and her mind was racing.  Of course this happens when I am 3 hours away.  I made her give her medication to my oldest daughter and told her to hide it.  I really dont think I am mentally and physically prepared to deal with her getting sick. I really want to focus more on my health.  But, as always the case, I have to put others well being ahead of mine. 

Skinny Bitch

I went to see a friend out of town yesterday.  The plan was to have lunch and possibly dinner.  She had warned me that she had been struggling with weight problems and was very skinny.  I had this image in my mind of the last time I saw her and she was healthy.  I wasn't prepared for what I saw yesterday.  She had wasted away down to nothing.  It was to the point you could see her bones in places.  Clothes that she would have filled out a year ago were hanging off of her.  We went to lunch. She had a burger, fries and 2 drinks.  She said that was the first meal she had eaten in a while.  She told me that some days she forced herself to eat to spoons of soup. She weighs herself daily.  We finished lunch and hung out for a while.  I offered to take her to dinner but she was already concerned about the weight she was going to gain from the burger.  I ended up taking her to get some Chinese take-out so she could eat it at her leisure.  We then said our goodbyes and I returned home. 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Feeling Appreciated

Sometimes in life you want to feel appreciated.  You want to feel like you matter to someone.  When you reach a point in your life where you don't think you matter to a person, it may be the time for a career change. 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Loving Someone

IMHO when you love someone, you are that person's best friend.  You know everything there is to know about a person or are willing to learn.  When you are asked why you love a person, you should be able to answer without a thought.  Recently, I found myself telling one of my peers that I couldn't think of a reason why I loved my wife.  I could not think of a single reason why I want this woman in my life.  It made me very nervous about what our future may hold.

You're Outta Here!

Well, it's official. I've been kicked out of school for not passing my last class.  My advisor sent me an email saying I could appeal and try to be allowed back into the school.  The question is:  do I really want to do that?  Can I really get my shit together and go ahead and finish?  Right now as I sit here, I can't answer those questions. 

WTF Moment

It is currently 2:20am. I have to be at work at 6am.  I was up going through my emails because I have not checked it in a couple of days.  The nephew comes into the house talking on his cell phone.  This is the first WTF. Who in the hell are you talking to at 2am?  He then proceeds to enter the room and plop his ass down.  He attempts to explain whatever the current saga with him, his second baby mama and her boyfriend is.  WTF?! Really? Apparently he does not release - I DON'T CARE!  I don't care if the boyfriend sells drugs. I don't care that this chick isn't taking her crazy pills. I don't care that the baby went to the hospital.  All I care about is you removing your ass from my couch so I can go to sleep.  Thank you.