Eat My Own Words

When talking about the women in my life and ranking their importance, I usually explain it as:

1.  My mother comes first.  She shaped me into the man I have become (for the most part). 
2.  My girls come second.  They are each unique in their own way and cannot be replaced.
3.  Wife or girlfriend.  Divorce and breakups happen daily.  She's replaceable.

As much as I have said that in the past, I never thought I would have to actually eat my own words and go through a divorce.  After 20+ years of being together, once the ink on the paperwork dries, I guess it will be time to start searching for a replacement.    

The Nail in the Coffin

The final nail has been placed on the coffin.  It's just a matter of time before this casket is sealed shut.  My wife presented me with the divorce papers when I got home tonight.  She had already signed her name and the date.  I should have known because she asked me was I going to sign them.  We discussed some of the details such as the parenting class we have to attend and the fact the documents have to be notarized since I waived my right to an attorney.  I told her I would try to be out of the house asap so she can move on with her life.  We talked about visitation which I said was not important because once I leave, I won't have a residence to stay in.  We talked about our assets and how our debt would be settled.  It all went in one ear and out of the other.  All I heard was the imaginary sound of a hammer slowly tapping a nail.  During our wedding vows, we said until death do us part.  Guess we're dead to each now. 

I Used to Love Halloween

Years ago, Halloween was my favorite holiday.  It was one day of the year you could be anybody you wanted and no one judged you too terribly.  I used to go all out.  I would decorate my front yard and house.  I would decorate at work if the company allowed.  I would have these awesome Halloween bashes with my closest friends (check previous blogs for more insight.)  But now, Halloween means nothing to me.  I don't decorate anything.  My friends have all moved away so no parties.  I don't even get excited about Halloween candy and I work in a retail pharmacy store full of it!  I used to love Halloween but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of its magic. 

I Don't Know What To Think

As this divorce get closer and closer to being finalized, things are getting more stressful and weirder.  My wife and I were already barely talking but we are to a point now where communication is almost nonexistent.  This morning I walked past her in the kitchen.  Not a word was said.  When we do talk, it's something about the divorce.  She has been pressing me to go ahead and move out.  Easier said than done.  I'm a forty-year old man with no friends I can turn to for assistance.  The people I work with are either married or young so I can't lean on them for a place to stay.  Obviously if I can't afford to maintain the house we are in, how can I afford to get an apartment to live in?  Now, here's a twist.  Although she wants me out of the house, she called me twice last week asking if I was coming directly home after work.  She wanted to go out and our house guest was not home.  Soooo you want me to move out but you want me at the house when you need me?  I don't know what to think. 

The Cycle of Life

It's funny how life treats us sometimes.  This past weekend, my sister-in-law got married.  My wife and daughters attended the service.  If things continue moving at the current pace, I'll be signing divorce papers within a week.  Funny how one life starts and another one ends.  I guess that's how things go to maintain balance in the universe. 

WTF Moment - Strange Dream

Like most people, I usually don't remember my dreams.  The ones I do remember often have something dramatic or traumatic occur which makes them stand out.  I should have blogged about this yesterday when I initially awoke from the dream but it was strange and I had a lot of other things on my mind. 

So apparently in this dream, I was attending some type of gathering or party near the residence of one of my co-workers.  It was an outdoor event but it did not seem to centralized at one particular residence because I remember people walking by and cars passing on the street.  I'm guessing it was some type of block party.  My co-worker approached me while I was outside talking to one of her male family members.  Seemed like a father or uncle based on the conversation.  He walked into the house and she walked out in a sundress.  Now mind you of two things.  One: my co-worker is a very attractive young lady but she has a boyfriend so I have made no attempts at her.  Two:  I have only seen her in work clothes so this sundress look was completely my imagination at its best.  She came over and started talking to me.  After a few minutes, she asked if I wanted to sit down rather than standing and talking.  She suggested we sit in the trunk part of my SUV.  I could tell this was a dream made vehicle because the trunk area was enormous.  We were able to climb into to back and sit comfortably with no problem.  We continued to talk and at one point she straddled me.  She was slightly aggressive and told me not to hold back because she knew that I wanted her.  Frozen with confusion, I just laid there.  The next thing I knew, another male family member was snatching her off of me and out of the SUV.  The person I had spoken with earlier grabbed me and said it was time for me to leave and never come back.  That's when I woke up.  I'm not sure what sparked that foolishness.  

Shit just got real

My wife and I have toyed with the idea of getting a divorce many times over the course of our 14 year marriage.  This time, however, shit has gotten real.  She provided me with a draft of the divorce papers last night so I could read over them and see if I wanted to add anything.  After our conversation, she told me that she would submit the documents back to her friend to write up the final draft.  Based on that, I'll probably be signing divorce papers next week. It's been a unique ride but it looks like it's about to come to an end. 

The Great Dog Caper

Anyone that knows me, knows I have dogs.  My most recent two were a shepard terrier mix weighing about 40 pounds and a lab bloodhound mix weighing about 50 pounds.  I look to these animals as companions and protectors.  The kids enjoy having them around and interact with them frequently.  Back toward the end of August, my dogs disappeared.  Normally if they got out of the yard, they would walk the neighborhood and come back so I was not too concerned.  However, days passed by without any sign of them.  I started calling animal control in my area as well as all the local animal hospitals hoping for a break. A staff member at one of the animal hospitals contacted me when she saw a picture of one of the dogs on Facebook.  Someone had found my terrier mix and turned her in to an animal hospital several miles away.  I was able to retrieve her with no problem.  A week and a half passed by before I found my lab mix.  She had been living in a ditch and someone turned her in to the same animal hospital.  They contacted me and it was a happy reunion.  Or so I thought.  I kept wondering how my dogs ended up several miles away from home in the next town.  I thought someone had dognapped them.  Come to find out my wife drove the dogs to the next town and tried to get rid of them.  She felt the animals had become an unnecessary expense with all the debt we currently have.  This past week, the dogs supposedly took some food from the stove.  My wife told me we had to get rid of them.  She called animal control and had them picked up.  Good news is that I solved the Great Dog Caper.  Unfortunately, I still ended up losing my dogs.