Am I Becoming Shallow?

I have often joked with my friends about the fact that I can "manufacture a pretty bitch."  I don't say that meaning disrespect towards females.  If you are a female reading this and feel offended... tough shit.  This is my blog and I will say what I want.  I talk about manufacturing a pretty girl because with all the garments you can purchase (push bras, spanx, etc), makeup/fake hair and surgery, I could easily take a not so attractive girl and turn her into a beauty queen.   But all that physical change won't change her personality.  She will still be the same person just with a different look.  I said all that because I have once again started to wonder about my wife's physical appearance.  I truly have a hard time looking at her and being attracted.  She claims some of her medication is to blame for the weight gain.  I feel it is a combination of eating and not exercising.  She looks like she is about 8 months pregnant.  You always hear people joke about fantasizing about someone else during sex.  I'm here to tell you, that's no joke.  I just wonder am I being shallow by not being attracted to her after all these years.  Naw.  I'm just being real and being myself.  

Workaholic

Since taking my new job a couple of weeks ago, I have been reminded of what it means to be a workaholic.  I have not had an entire day off since 2/10/2014.  I have been at one or both jobs every day.  The way I see it, I will have to request time off from both jobs to have an entire day off.  Oh well.  I'm used to having to work hard to get what I want.  I just hope that all this hard work pays off. 

Why I Hate Asking for Help from public assistance agencies

Considering the fact that I lost my job last October, I feel fortunate to be in the shape I am in.  With that said, I hate trying to ask for help from agencies who seem to give needy people the runaround and reward those who don't need it.  Example.  I reached out to an organization within my state for assistance with my mortgage payments.  Part of the paperwork requested a paycheck stub.  My mortgage is $770 per month.  My paychecks for last month totaled $900.  So let's do the math.  $900 minus $770 is $130.  How in the world can I pay all my utilities with $130?  So obviously I need help.  After submitting all the required paperwork, I was told the agency is behind and it would be 6-8 weeks before I heard anything.  In 6-8 weeks I could be on the streets.  I'm working and trying to provide for my family but can't get help.  Now let some deadbeat who isn't working and is not looking for a job apply and they get all the help they need.  Sometimes I hate asking for help. 

Still Can't Get Ahead

I thought that after cashing out my 401K and getting my tax refund, I would finally be ahead of the game.  Such is not the case.  I'm still in the game but we are tied.  I am current on most of my important bills.  I still have a ton of medical expenses to deal with based on the surgeries my wife and I had last year.  Additionally, I had to cough up $700 last week for repairs to my wife's vehicle.  I had planned on using that money to pay off my little store charge card and one of the medical bills.  I'm hoping this new job will provide the boost I need to get ahead or remain even.  With that being said, it goes back to my previous post.  I hope I can hold on to this job.  Otherwise, I will be back in the same financial hell I have been dealing with for months. 

Looking out for Others

While I was at my new job on Friday, I received a phone call from a company I applied for in January.  The lady asked if I was still interested in working for them in the business office.  I explained to her that I had already taken another job.  I then told her about a former co-worker who was looking for a job.  I said the person had the same qualifications as me and would be a great fit.  I asked if I could have my co-worker call about the position or if she was willing to reach out to my co-worker.  The representative asked for my co-worker's name and number.  She immediately called and told her to apply online so her application could be pulled. I spoke to my co-worker a few minutes later and let her know what was going on.  Needless to say, my co-worker was thrilled at the potential position.  Hopefully I made the right decision trying to look out for others rather than looking into the position myself. 

New Job May not be the Right Fit

I've been at my new job for 2 weeks and I am unsure if it is the right fit for me.  During my interviews, I thought I made it clear to the management staff that I was employed elsewhere.  I did tell them I would make the new job my primary job but I thought it was understood I would still be working my other job.  Last Monday I posted the schedule for my old job on the board to let my new manager know the days I would be unavailable.  When I returned on Wednesday, he had responded to the schedule by writing "This will not work.  This is not what we agreed to."  First of all, I would have preferred a phone call rather than a written response that I would see days later.  (I replied back on the paper saying call me asap to discuss.)  Secondly, I have not head from him since that time.  If fact, I have tried to contact him several times over the last 2 days but been unsuccessful. (I have actually only seen him once since I started 2 weeks ago.) I am trying my best to like this new job but I refuse to choose the new job over a company I have been with over 14 years.  Hopefully, I will be able to speak to my new manager and reach a sensible resolution.  If not, it's back to searching for a second job. 

Spending Time with Friends

I have not been able to spend time hanging out with friends like in the past due to schedule conflicts and lack of funds.  Luckily, fate smiled on me for a brief second and I was able to just chill this past Wednesday.  I met up with 2 of my former co-workers on Wednesday evening after work.  We went to Mexican restaurant and had a ball.  My only complaint about the time we spent together was that the conversation mostly revolved around my old employer.  I personally do not care what goes on there currently.  Friends that work there know how to get in touch with me but as far as the day to day operations (hiring/firing) I could care less.   After dinner I dropped one friend off and continued to hang out with the other.  Around midnight, she decided she wanted to travel to a adult novelty store about an hour away.  I didn't have to be at work in the morning so I decided to ride with her.  We got there a little after 1am.  We didn't leave until 430am.  The sales person was very knowledgeable and hilarious with all the stories about crazy customers.  All in all it was a good night.  I wish I could do that more often.  I really miss spending time with my true friends. 

New Job, Old Health Problems

I was really excited about starting my new job.  This was a chance to make some more money and start getting things back to how they used to be.  Problem with the new job is that I am falling back into some of my old habits which cause problems with my health.  The first thing I noticed is that based on staffing, I have not taken a lunch in 2 weeks.  Things have not been too bad in that aspect due me working in a drug store so I have access to snack food.  Problem is that if I go too long without eating anything, I run the risk of having a low sugar episode.  Nobody wants to see that.  The second concern is my eating.  I have eaten more fast food in the last 2 weeks than I consumed in a month prior to landing this job.  It's all about convenience and timing.  I don't have the luxury of going home in between jobs any more so it seems easier to grab a burger.  But man cannot live off fast food alone.  I need something with vitamins and nutrients.  I am really going to have to look at what I can do to take care of my health before it becomes a major issue. 

Sink or Swim Time

I wasn't expecting to be given so much responsibility so quickly at my new job.  I have only been there 4 days and I am tasked with opening the store by myself on Valentine's Day.  Granted it is a drug store and I have not witnessed a lot of traffic this week, I am still a little nervous about opening the store when I have not completed all of my training.  I'm not too sure this is being done because the manager wants to test me or if he really has no choice due to limited staff.  What I do know is that it's sink or swim time and I don't have a life jacket.

What Have I Gotten Myself Into?

I try my best to make my own impressions of people.  I hear what others say about someone but I don't really listen.  I let a person's action or lack thereof show me their character.  With that in mind, I am wondering what the hell I have gotten myself into with this new job.  I started working on Monday and the manager expects me to open the store by myself on Friday.  What the hell?  I haven't been there an entire week yet.  I don't know all the procedures.  Tomorrow is day four and no one has taken the time to show me how to open either one of the safes.  It will be impossible to open a store if I don't have access to the money.  I don't know where the bank is located.  I don't have keys to open the store nor do I know the alarm code.  Hopefully I can get all this information tomorrow.  Otherwise Friday is going to be a complete clusterfuck. 

Getting Back on my Grind

I finally was able to secure a second job.  Today was my first day.  I learned a lot but I am still far from being able to handle all the responsibility of the position.  I was a little concerned about having to work both jobs back to back today because I have not done so since October.  Thank goodness my fast food job was slow tonight.  It gave me a chance to relax and plan how I should handle working two jobs.  The good news now is that I have 2 jobs.  Problem is that with me being in a leadership role in both places, my hours will have to be cut at the fast food place until I get established at the new job.  Hopefully everything will work out. 

How Losing My Job has Changed Me

Let me start this post off by saying, I do still have "A" job.  But, it is important to know that prior to my release in October 2013, I had worked 2 jobs since December 2007.  Now on with the post.  Today was one of those days when I really looked at myself and noticed how much I have changed and fallen off (as the expression goes) since my release.  First of all, when I was working 2 jobs, I used to get up every morning at 4:30am (that is if I got any sleep the night before).  I would dress for work with a button down, tie and slacks.  Brush my teeth, wash up and put on some type of body spray or cologne.  I used to get complimented on how nice I smelled often.  Nowadays, if I don't have to take my child to daycare or school, I usually start get functioning until 8am or later.  My wardrobe?  Windpants and a tshirt.  I couldn't tell you the last time I used body spray or cologne.  I've walked around the house all day snacking.  My old job was on the third floor of the building.  I took the stairs to help keep in shape.  These days?  Exercise does not happen.  I tried to start exercising daily a couple of times but just didn't continue.  Losing my job has impacted me in a couple of negative ways but it has not broken me.

Never Thought It Would Be Like This

Never in my worst nightmares did I think I would be where I am in life right now.  I thought I had a good grasp on life and had taken the proper measures to keep me out of trouble.  Guess I was very wrong.  I never thought I would receive a call from my 8yr old's teacher requesting that we remove her from the gifted program because her regular grades were poor.  I never thought I would have to consider bouncing a check to try and pay for a doctor visit for my youngest daughter.  I never thought I would have to not get my prescription filled because I can't afford the medicine.  I never thought that I would have body damage on my car 4 months later with no idea of when it may be repaired.  I never thought I would have to walk around my house all day in a coat because the central heat unit was out and I could not afford to get it repaired.  I never thought it would be like this but I guess those thoughts are now a harsh reality. 

Everything Happens for a Reason

Everything in life happens for a reason.  The reason may not be immediately apparent.  It may be days, weeks, months or years later.  In some cases, the reason may never be revealed to a person during his/her lifetime.  But everything happens for a reason.  

WTF - Do I look Like I am Gaining Weight?

One of the perks of working at a pizza establishment is that the employees get to eat any leftovers or mistakes.  With that in mind comes this WTF moment.  We have a female driver who ALWAYS partakes of the mistakes and leftovers.  I don't care what topic is on the pizza, she will eat it.  The other night when I was cashing her out for the night she asked me if she looked like she had gained weight since she started working there.  I told her no.  WTF?  If you eat pizza every day you work, and you work 4 or more days a week, chances are you are going to gain weight unless you do some major working out.  Plus, I don't even look at her like that.  I like the perfume she wears but as far as physical attraction, it's just not there. 

Why I Sometimes Hate Dealing with the Public

Any person who has any job where they have to deal with the public on a daily basis will tell you that there are certain situations with certain people which could potentially bring out the most evil part of you.  Take for example what happened to me last week.  Customer A placed an order and picked it up.  Friend A called back stating the food was not prepared to Customer A's satisfaction.  I offered to replace the meal.  Friend A said no.  I offered to provide a free meal in the future for Customer A - the catch was she had to ask for me specifically.  Friend A said no.  (Ok. Let's pause for a moment.  Why am I talking to Friend A and not Customer A?)  Back to the story.  At this point I asked Friend A how would she like to resolve the issue because I had offered my best options.  Friend A states Customer A will come get the replacement order.  Friend A comes in the restaurant, takes the new order and returns 1/4 of the original order.  WTF?  I thought you didn't like how the first order was prepared.  To make matters worse, Friend A, not Customer A called our corporate complaint number about the food.  So now I have got my manager's boss on his ass and mine about something I had already taken care of.  It's customers like Friend A that make you want to do bodily harm to a person.

Job Hunt Continues

My hunt for a second job continues and things looked up for a moment.  I had multiple interviews with a couple of companies for supervisor roles but no actual job offers.  Things are starting to get beyond tight financially.  Using my 401k to pay the past due on the mortgage and my truck helped but still have to put food on the table and pay lights, gas and water.  I'm hoping that something comes through soon. 

I'm Gonna Do What I Want to Do

This post is about the latest problem with my wife's insecurity.  Friday, one of my best female friends asked me to go with her to run a few errands.  I told my wife that exact thing, "I am going to run errands with blah."  She just looked at me and continued her conversation on the phone.  I drove to the friend's apartment and we took her car for errands.  I had to go to work so she brought me to my house to grab my work clothes before returning to her apartment to get my vehicle.  While at work that night I received a text from my wife stating to wake her up so we could talk.  When I got home that night I was greeted by my sister in law's dog which I did not know was spending the weekend with us.  Since my aggravation level had just gone up, I opted not to wake my wife.  Saturday morning I received a call from my mother asking what was going on.  Hold up!  Why are you calling my mother about a problem you have with me? Anyway, I assured my mother that I would deal with the situation.  So when my wife returned from taking her sister's dog to the groomer, she walked up to me and stated she was upset about me running errands with my friend but she realized I was going to do what I wanted to do so there was no need in being pissed off.  Ok. Why did it take you so long to come to that conclusion?  If I make it til June, we will be married 10 years.  If you don't know me by now, you may want to start with someone new.

Since My Last Post

A lot has happened to me since my last post.  Some good, some bad and as always some funny.  I'll document what I remember and charge the rest to the game.  The posts will come in no particular order other than how my mind chooses to link them together.