WTF Moment - You Want Me to Babysit?

The nephew is always good for a WTF moment.  He never fails to ask or do something that is beyond the comprehension of most people.  He decided to call me last night while I was at work to ask me if I could spend my day off watching his one-year old while he paid bills and ran errands.  WTF?!  Why in the hell would I babysit for you on my day off?  Especially considering the fact that you not going to pay me for doing it?  Nigga, you done fell and bumped your head - hard.  Watch your own child.

I Want That Old Thing Back

I want that old thing back.  I want to get back to how I used to be.  I want to get back to not having to worry so much about working.  I want to get back to having fun.  I want to get back to watching tv shows each week.  I want to get back into video games.  I want to be able to chill with friends.  I want that old thing  back.

Help Me Understand

My wife and I were talking today which led to her becoming frustrated.  She said to me, "I wish people would understand that mental illness is a disease."  My response was that I understand that part.  It's a disease just like my diabetes.  But in order to get the help she needs for her disease, she has to do like me and talk to people to help them understand what is going on.  The average person has little to no knowledge of a serious medical ailment unless it has personally affected them or a family member.  That being said, I told her that I understand she has good and bad days, hell so do I.  But I don't let the bad days outnumber the good.  I don't let my disease control my life.  I just want her to understand that she can be in control of her life and back in charge if she really wants to.  Otherwise my lack of understanding will continue.

No Extended Stay

The nephew called me today and informed me that since they had cut his hours at work, his check was not as much as it normally it.  Due to this and his financial obligations (court fees, child support, car loan) he was basically in the hole before he started.  He wanted to know if I would reconsider my ultimatum and allow him to stay with us a little longer.  A simple one word answer was all that was necessary. "NO!"

People Dont Know Me

I had to give an associate of mine a ride home from work tonight.  When we arrived, she invited me in to meet her brother because the two of us had never formally been introduced.  I spoke to him and his guy friend.  Did I mention that her brother is gay?  After a few minutes of chatting, I told her that I needed to get home and get some sleep.  As I was driving home, I received a text message from her.  This is how the conversation went.

Her:  These fools so stupid
Me:  Now what?
Her:  They said you got sugar in your tank.  I told them that you are not gay.  They said you are undercover. They so stupid.
Me:  I like eating pussy too much to be gay.

End of conversation. Please don't try to judge me in you don't know me.

Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctor yesterday for my one month follow up.  Considering that I had not been testing like I was supposed to do to other things going on in my life, I was expecting to get a tongue-lashing.  The visit was quite the opposite.  My A1c was actually in the single digit range. Granted it was 9.6 which is still in the high zone, me being in single digits is quite an achievement.  I found out that I have lost 3 pounds in the course of a month.  Not good.  I can't afford to lost any weight. I'm sure my bad habits of eating junk food all the time and not eating meals throughout the day are to blame for the weight loss.  The doctor told me I need to continue on the path that I am on but turn it up a notch.  I need to test more often to know exactly what my medicine is doing to me.  I need to eat more (which is something you almost never hear in regards to a diabetic) to gain back the weight I lost and then put on some more pounds.  All in all, the visit went better than I anticipated.  My focus now is to improve even more before my next one month follow up visit.

No More Handouts

The nephew tried to call tonight while I was at work.  As usual I ignored his call.  I was sure he was not calling about anything life or death.  Otherwise he would have sent me a text.  A little while later he showed up at the restaurant.  He asked if he could get some free food.  I politely told him know.  This is a part of the lesson I am trying to teach him.  A while back I told him about hookups.  Hookups are nice to have but you can't rely on them all the time.  Granted I had given him free food on occasion in the past but considering he has lived rent and utility free for almost a year he can afford to buy something to eat.   Whether he buys something to eat or not, the fact remains the same, there are no more handouts.

Off her Meds

My wife decided to text me while I was at work today to let me know that she had a confession to make.  I knew this was not a conversation that I really wanted to deal with while at work but she seems to have a knack for only wanting to have these serious conversations via text or email.  She can't deal with me face to face.  Anyway, I prepared myself for whatever she could through at me, I thought.  I was hoping for her usual "I spent money we don't have on something we don't need."  Instead she decided to tell me that she had not taken her medication for a couple of days and that she had been flushing the pills.  She went on to say that she wanted to be better and off medication.  I thanked her for her honesty and told her she needed to consult with her doctor or his nurse to see how her body would react without those drugs in her system.  She was not fond of that idea.  I left it alone at that point because I saw no need to get upset at work.  Later in the day she spoke with my mother who convinced her to start taking the medication again.  I don't know the conversation consisted of but I am glad the wife is no longer off her meds...for now.

Opening Up

I recently realized that I have changed a lot in the last year or so.  I have started to open up a lot more.  There was a time in the past when my personal life was a mystery to my co-workers.  They knew I was married and had kids but that was it.  These days, I share a lot more information about my home life with my peers.  I am still careful as to who I tell what because some people can't be trusted with certain information.  For example, I work with a young lady who recently started seeing a therapist.  I let her know that my wife sees a therapist in that same building.  Normally, I would not divulge that type of information.  I have started to tell peers about the kids and their happenings at school.  I have even shared with some close people things like the fact that I sleep in a separate room than my wife.  I'm not too sure if it me becoming more comfortable with the people I work with since we have been together so long or if this release of information is therapy because I keep so much bottled up inside.  Whatever the reason, like a flower in the spring, I have opened up for people to see more details about me.

You and I are different

This week my job was celebrating a major milestone.  I was on one of the committees to help things run smoothly.  The actual celebration occurred on my normal day off but I chose to attend any way and help any way possible.  I ended up spending about 6-7 hours total at work on my day off.  Several of my peers who actually were supposed to be at work kept looking at me sideways.  I joked with them about the fact that I was working on my day off when in fact, I was there having fun.  It wasn't too long before one of them commented, "Oh. You just here so you can get a free day off."  I replied, "That's not why I'm here."  In my mind I thought to myself, you and I are different.  What sense does it make to work on a scheduled off day just to get another day off?  Especially since I rarely miss work anyway?  It is times like that when I realize I live by a completely different set of values and standards than many of my co-workers.

WTF Moment - Who's That Sleeping in the Bed 2?

I came home from work last night and as I walked into the house, I almost tripped over a child's car seat.  I did not recognize it as one of the ones we use.  I shook it off and walked to the bedroom to gather clothes for the next work day.  I walked into the room and was greeted to the site of my wife, my youngest and the nephew's one year old all in the bed asleep.  WTF?  The nephew has a room in our house that we have graciously let him occupy for damn near a year.  Why is it necessary for his child to sleep in a different room?      Sometimes all you can do is accept a situation and shake your head.

WTF Moment - Who's That Sleeping in the Bed?

I came home Saturday night from work and noticed a strange car in my driveway.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary looking at the house so I figured it was my nephew in someone else's car.  I walked into the house and put my stuff down.  I walked to the bedroom to gather my work clothes for the next day.  I walked into the room and was greeted by the site of my sister-in-law and wife asleep in the bed.  WTF?  Did no one think it was important to let me know that we were going to have a house guest, even if only for one night?  Good thing I don't sleep in the bed with my wife.  

I'm A Flirt

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a flirt.  Yes I'm married and have kids but I still act like a flirt.  It's not that I do it to try and make any gains.  I really think it is part of my character.  Blame it on my Aries zodiac sign.  Last week at the store we had one of those days where several very attractive ladies, young and old, came in.  I was joking with the other employees about a few of them.  The other manager told me that I was too old to be acting that way and that I was trying to see if I still had game.  I looked at her and said I know I still have game.  I have a certain charm about me that most people can't resist.  It's just who I am.  I'm a flirt.

I'm a Hustler

As with any fast food job, we are always encouraged to try and upsell additional products to customers.  I had a customer walk in last week and order 2 single topping pizzas.  I explained she could get some additional toppings at no extra charge.  I then talked her into getting a couple of side items.  Once the transaction was complete, she looked at me, smiled and said "You're a hustler.  I had no intention of spending that much money but you made it all sound so good."  I laughed and thanked her for her purchase.  I thought to myself, "Yes, I am a hustler.  More than you will ever know, mam."  

Showing Appreciation

Yesterday was one of those rare occasions at work where I was showed appreciation and it made me feel special.  One of the other groups was having a potluck yesterday.  They had mentioned to me previously but it had slipped my mind.  I heard them talking about the food during the early hours as lunch approached.  They went to lunch and had the potluck.  A few minutes later, the team supervisor walked up to my desk and said, "Come get something to eat.  They sent me out here and said to be sure that you got a plate.  You always take care of us so we are returning the favor."  I went in and grabbed some food and thanked every single member of the team for their hospitality.  It's times like that which make everything I do worth it.

Death Comes in 3s

Sometime during the course of my life, I heard the expression "Death Comes in 3s."  I don't know if this "3" was supposed to be three strikes and you're out or if the three represented the Holy Trinity.  What I do know is that between two people in my life, there was a total of 3 deaths.  I thought there were only 2 deaths last week and was anticipating a third.  I learned yesterday the third had occurred and I was unaware.  I hope that completes the process this time and my friends can move on with their lives.  I don't think I can deal with any more talk of death.

Take Some Advice

A few months ago I attended a session with my wife and her therapist.  Based on what was said in the meeting, the therapist presented the option of applying for disability to my wife.  This was not to say that she could not work.  It was simply a way of saying she may not be able to handle all the stressful daily functions she was dealing with while coping with her depression.  Last Monday I spoke with her doctor minutes after they finished a session.  He basically told her the same thing. She asked me if I thought we would be able to survive if she applied for disability.  I explained to her that we would have to make the most of it because we could not survive without her contributing financially to the household.  I need her to take some advice and apply for disability.  Our livelihood depends on it.

Then There Was One

We've finally reached the breaking point.  This marks the first month my household income is strictly what I bring in.  Sure the nephew stays here but that sorry bastard hasn't given me a dime toward any household bills since he move in at the end of 2011.  My wife received her last check as a teacher at the end of July.  She is looking for a job (I think) but nothing has panned out just yet.  We'll  see how long I can tread water.  Understanding that I truly don't know how to swim, I am sure this cannot and will not last long.

Working for Nothing

The nephew learned a rough lesson last week.  Based on what he told me, the Department of Human Services decided to take back child support from him in addition to the regular amount he owed.  Add that to the fact they based the amount on when he was working 2 jobs and not just one and you will see his problem.  They took his entire check for child support.  It actually caused his account to be overdrawn.  He basically worked two weeks for nothing.

Harsh Reality

I had to give the nephew a dose of harsh reality yesterday.  He tried calling me several times while I was at work.  First of all, I didn't want to talk to him.  Second of all, if it is that damn important and I am not answering your calls, send me a text message.  I was about to leave for lunch when he called for the third time.  I was waiting on one of my co workers to walk outside so I answered the phone.  He said he realized now that he has too much free time because he is only working one job. He wanted my opinion on whether he should look for a second job.  At this point, my co worker walked outside and got in the truck.  I told the nephew that he should look for a second job.  I told him that I was unable to imagine how he has lived rent and utility free for almost a year and been unable to put away any money.  I reminded him that by the end of September, regardless of whats going on in his life, that I need his ass moved out of my house.  My co worker could only look and shake her head.  She couldn't believe the words that had just come out of my mouth.  She could not believe that I gave the nephew some harsh reality to deal with.

Secret Potion No Longer Works

I go through this phase every couple of month.  I start to get really tired from working so much and pushing myself to my physical and mental limits.  I start microsleeping at both jobs.  In order to offset the sleep, I turn to energy drinks.  Redbulls, Monster Energy Drinks and 5 Hour Energy shots are my weapons of choice.  The problem with using them is that after a while, like with any drug, my tolerance gets higher and I basically become immune to them.  I'm at the point now where I drink 1-2 of something daily and I am still dozing off. Guess it's time  to let them go again.  They have become a useless waste of money.

Can't Win for Losing

One of the pieces of equipment at my job failed last night right before close.  It was not an emergency issue at the time.  I alerted the opening manager this morning to the problem and told her that I would come by to try and help fix it.  The repair was beyond what we could do so we had to call the company that installed the equipment.  I waited around until the repairman showed up to find out what the cause was and how we could prevent it in the future.  Did I mention that today is my day off so I was doing all this because I wanted to, not because I had to.  The machine was repaired and all was well, I thought.  I called the store manager to let him know everything was ok.  He response was to tell me to stop working off the clock and go home.  First of all, I was not performing any duties related to my normal job function so technically I was not "working off the clock."  Secondly, I thought I was showing initiative by following through on the repair because the problem occurred during my shift.  O well. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

I Have a Gift

Building on my previous post, today I had a conversation with an old female acquaintance.  I asked about how she was doing and the usual small talk.  We revealed to me that she had an image problem and was continuing to take drastic measures to maintain the image she wanted.  I quickly let her know that she was beautiful regardless and the path she was taking could end in disaster.  Another friend came to me and discussed some personal health issues they are currently dealing with.  It's days like this that I think I have a gift.  People are comfortable around me.  They feel they can be themselves.  They can let their guard down and let loose.  I am happy with the gift that I have and plan to continue to use it for the good of all those I can touch.

Trustworthy

I was chatting with one of my co-workers today and she decided to reveal some information that I am sure only a few select people are aware of.  I've been thinking about what would prompt her to trust me with this knowledge.  Then I remembered a conversation earlier in the day.  She told me that she felt like she could come to me with anything because I was trustworthy.  Anything that she said would go no further than us.  I'm happy she feels she can confide in me.  I plan to do everything in my power to help her through her problem and further cement her trust in me.

Jumping to Conclusions - The Landing

The day after the "Jumping to Conclusions" incident, my manager pulled me to the side and spoke to me again.  He also had a separate conversation with his informant.  He then brought the two of us together to clear the air.  He informed me that he could understand my line of reasoning and while good in theory, the execution needed a little work.  He went on to explain to his informant that I made the right decision.  I'm thankful that he was willing to listen and try to understand why I did what I did.  I just hope that his informant was taking notes.

Resist the Urge

I had to resist the urge to choke a bitch on Monday.  One of my subordinates at work is an older lady.  She has probably been working longer than I have been alive.  I was giving her a performance review and trying to explain that she was not meeting the company standards.  I went on to explain part of the reason was her continued desire to go above and beyond for the customers.  Now don't get me wrong.  I am all about customer service.  But I am also about policy and procedure.  We work in the tech support department.  It is not in our job description to do anything with a customer's bill.  This woman, however, constantly feels the need to contact the billing department on behalf of the customer to request monetary compensation.  For some reason, she decided to start telling me that her stats were bad because she was always fixing the problems created by other tech support personnel.  It took everything in me to not reach across the table and grab her.  Other tech support personnel are meeting company standards.  Maybe rather than trying to bad-mouth them, she should talk to them and get herself in line with what the company wants.

Truth Be Told

I had a conversation with my boss about Friday night's incident.  I explained my reasoning for what I did.  He let me know that he could understand my logic in the decision but stood firm that the choice I made was not the best one.  He went on to inform me that the person he talked to exaggerated what actually happened Friday night which is what prompted his return to the job.  He decided to have a conversation with both of us together.  He asked her to explain to him again exactly what happened.  This time, with me standing there, the situation was not as dire as she told him initially.  It's amazing what happens when the truth comes out.

Jumping to Conclusions

I was taught long ago by a good manager to never jump to conclusions.  The problem with jumping to conclusions is that most people don't take the time to determine where they will land.  People end up hurting themselves and possibly the people around them as well.  Such was the case last night.  Based on information from another source, my manager jumped to a conclusion.  I received a verbal assault and my job was threathened.  After this happened, I explained things from my perspective.  I agreed with my manager that a mistake had occurred but not to the degree at which the other source described.  My manager, being the person they are, looked at me and didn't even apologize.  Pride would not allow it.  I really don't think an apology would have helped at that point.  Last night's situation just let me know that my tenure with this company is probably coming to an end.  I have gotten in more trouble in the past 6 months than I have in a 11 year career with the organization.  I can't continue to deal with people who assume things and in the process make an ass out of themselves and me also.  I need people to stop jumping to conclusions and to look before they leap. 

God's Will or The Devil at his Best

I'm not too sure which higher power is currently at work in my life.  As I try to step back and make sense of the situation, the lines are becoming more and more blurred rather than clearer.  Yesterday, as I prepared to leave for work, my wife told me that she needed to tell me something that was going to upset me.  She asked if I wanted to know at that point or later.  I told her to go ahead and tell me because waiting was not going to change things.  She informed me that she had knowingly gone out and spent money that we do not have on bibles.  I simply said ok and walked off.  I couldn't even deal with it at that point.  Right now, I am trying to figure out are the bibles supposed to be a sign that God is going to get my family through the upcoming tough times?  Or was my wife's purchase of the bibles simply the Devil's way of getting another punch or kick in while I am down? 

Job Hunt Continues

Yesterday my wife received her last paycheck as a school teacher.  The good news is that she was able to pay a couple of bills and get us pointed in the right direction.  Bad news is that that was her last paycheck.  My wife continues to look for another job but is not receiving any callbacks.  I have told her that she may have to expand her selections and start looking anywhere and everywhere for a job.  Some income is better than no income.   Hopefully her job hunt will lead to success because I don't know how long I can take care of her and 3 girls on just one income.

Little Money in, Lotta Money out

Today was one of those days where it seemed no matter how hard I tried, things just were not going to go my way.  My day started off with one of our dogs going to the vet for her yearly shots which were overdue.  This turned into a $216 visit and some bad news.  My dog tested positive for heartworms.  The good news is that she is young and it is possible to treat her.  The downside to this is that it is a 3 month process and costs $700.  The next financial jab that I received was my wife’s contacts finally showing up at the eye doctor.  That was a $267 investment into her vision.  And finally for today, was the knockout punch.  I called a company to come check the central heat and air unit in my house because it was not cooling.  The repairman came out and looked at things.  He basically told me that the entire unit was wasting money and needed to be replaced.  He called a salesman for the company to come out and give me an estimate.  His estimate?  $7000 to $8000 because the inside unit, outside unit and duct work all needed to be replaced.  I tried to apply for financing but was denied.  So now I have to figure out a cost-effective way to keep my family cool for the rest of the summer.  

Test of Faith Results

I quickly learned that I am not cut out to test my faith in the same manner as my co-worker.  He had warned me prior to trying the fast, that people with medical conditions were exempt.  I wanted to try anyway.  I made it about half way through one day before my body informed me of the consequences of my choices.  The good news is I didn't get sick. I was able to correct the situation and continue as normal.  As I sit and type this today, I think that my faith is being tested in other ways.  The question is:  how am I faring?  Am I doing good or failing miserably?  Time will tell and the results of my test(s) of faith will be revealed.

What I'm Worth part 2

Incident two was a major snafu on the part of someone else.  Privileged information was put in the hands of people who did not need to see it.  Amongst this information was monetary compensation.  Once again I was amazed that what I bring to the table is worth so little.  When I learned about this, I had to think long and hard about what to do.  One mind, the dark side of me, said I should give the company just what it pays for.  I shouldn't do more than people who earn more than me.  Apparently they are better at the job and are being compensated for this.  Then my better mind set in and reminded me of who I am and what I do.  You can't really put a price on how good I am at what I do.  Damn, the paycheck.  It's just a way to keep the creditors off my ass.  I am worth more than anyone at my job could ever imagine.

What I'm Worth

I recently found out what I am worth to one of my employers through two separate incidents.  I am approaching a milestone of working several years for my employer.  They reward continued dedication to the company with a gift.  You are provided a website to go to and a range of gifts to select.  At first I was estatic.  Then I decided to see who much the items were actually worth.  $50.  That's what 5 years of dedication is worth.  I have missed less time from this job in the past 5 years than some people who have been hired within the last 6 months.  But it's ok.  It's nice to know what I am worth.  

Been a Week...

It's been over one week since my last post.  I've thought about hopping on the computer and letting the world know what's going on but it just didn't happen.  I'm not too sure if it was the fatigue I have been plagued with the last week or what.  What I do know is that, this is my outlet.  And it's about time I let some shit off my chest.