WTF Moment - Text Message from the Wife

Okay. Haven't given you a WTF moment in a little while and this one is a doozy.  Let me start off by saying that I was chatting with my wife and she sent me a pic of herself.  She asked would I change anything about her body.  My response was that I have not changed anything as long as we have been together so why start now?  She then decided to send the following text message.  As usual nothing is changed. I want you to experience this as I did while I was at work reading.  Please keep in mind she was at my mother's house when the picture and the following message was sent. 

Her:  Never mind.  I wish you were home so you could send me a pic of you jacking off.  My mind has been replaying sex scenes all evening.  I want you jacking off while fucking me in the mouth.  Choking me a little each time.  Your dick has to be sloppy wet and super rock hard.  Do this until you're about to cum them rub you dick between my ass cheeks since you want fuck me in the ass.  Cumming down the crack and allowing some to run into my asshole.  Now it's wet enough for you to enter with ease if you like.  And you could finger my pussy while you're in there.  Well if not let me clean you up so you can puck me like a wild beast.  Banging my head into the headboard and beating my pussy up until it bleeds.  

The only thing I could come up with to reply with was "uhm...."  Maybe it's just me but I think my wife has some S&M issues she needs to deal with and I'm not the person to assist. 

Regret

I'm not the kind of person that deals with regret.  I usually don't regret any decision I make.  I'm more the type that looks at life with a "shit happens" mentality and move on.  But for some reason, I've started to second guess myself recently.  I've started to regret things I've said and done.  No matter how hard I try, I can't get this shit off my mind.  I know I can't go back and change what happened but I can't seem to move forward.  This is really disturbing.  Gotta learn to deal with regret before it consumes me. 

The Devil and his Minions

I have to admit, the Devil is really stepping his game up these days.  He is making it harder and harder to recognize when he is putting in work.  Maybe it's because he's decided to step out of the limelight and let others do his work for him.  Rather than going for the jugular on the first strike, he has learned to send in his minions to create small wounds that are barely noticeable.  I've been home alone for most of the day and been thinking about the events of the past few weeks.  I realized that the Devil has been throwing little jabs at me and I have been walking straight into them.  That's okay. It's not a problem at all.  One thing about me, the longer you let me analyze a situation, the more I tend to read into it and break it down.  Now that I realize what's going on, it's time to show the Devil that it takes a whole lot to break me down.     

Decisions

We have to make decisions every day.  Some decisions are harder than others.  Regardless of the ramifications of the decision, a choice has to be made.  Once your mind is made up, you have to deal with the fallout of the decision.  I try my best to stick with my first decision as much as possible.  Every now and then I hesitate in hopes of a better choice.  Looks like I need to stick with that first thought all the time.  I didn't choose my first option for a difficult decision recently.  And the cost is much higher than I can afford.  I'm currently trying to decide to how to recover and none of the actions seem feasible.  I'll decide what is best for all parties involved and go with that choice. 

Charge it to the Game

Based on the information we received tonight, something will have to be charged to the game.  My wife has invested money in several projects for the summer, most of which are non-refundable.  First of all is our anniversary trip.  She has invested at $600 into the trip and still owes about $400 more.  I was looking forward to the trip and even started bragging about going.  Guess I opened my mouth too soon.  My wife also enrolled our girls in a couple of summer camps. Considering that the eldest is about to spend her summer vacation in school, the money spent on her camps is now a complete waste.  It is times like this that I really wish my wife would communicate with me more.  Right now I don't what the near future holds.  What I do know is that something will have to be charged to the game because we can't afford everything we want in life. 

Failure Hits Home

Anyone that truly knows me will tell you that I do not take failure well.  I am not always successful  but complete failure is never an option.  Unfortunately, I have neglected my responsibilities and failure has found its way into my home.  I have no one to blame but myself because I was not more diligent about working to prevent the failure.  My wife received a call today from our oldest daughter's English teacher.  She informed us that our child has failed English for the year.  She can either take the course over during summer school or take it again in the fall semester.  We are discussing which option is best.  It really hurts when failure hits home. 

You Clean Up Nice

A funny situation occurred over the past few days.  On Sunday I went into a store wearing a Polo shirt, jeans and sneakers.  On Monday, I went into the same store wearing a button down shirt with tie, khakis and dress shoes.  The owner of the store looked at me and said, "you sure clean up nice."  I wasn't too sure how I should respond to that statement so I just smiled. 

A Reason, a Season or a Lifetime

I often tell people of my love of the theory of why people are in your life.  People cross your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.  I am starting to think that there was a real reason why things happened the way they did with my nephew and he ended up with us.  This past weekend his daughter was hospitalized.  While in the hospital she took a turn for the worse and had to have surgery.  He tries to get along with the baby's mother but that is not always the case.  She was crying and fussing at him.  He was confused about what he should do.  I told him that all he could do was leave it in the hands of God and the doctor doing the surgery.  I went on to say all the tears in the world would not save his daughter.  I know it is an unfeeling way to be but that's how I am.  I don't get emotional often.  I try to remain the voice of logic and reason.  I think the reason I am in my nephew's life is to keep him grounded as he makes this late transition from a boy to a man. 

Early Vacation

My wife went to her doctor last Friday.  He changed her medication and told her not to return to work for the remainder of the school year.  She told me that he thinks the stress of her job might be the source of her problem.  He wants her to talk to her psychiatrist about work and to think about alternatives.  So my wife is now home every day.  I don't know if this will be a good thing or a bad thing.  Being away from her job may help her health condition but it may also hurt us financially.  I know you can't put a price on health but you can put a price on a mortgage and utilities.  I just hope her early vacation does not turn out to be permanent.   

Return from Alcatraz

My wife was released from the hospital last Tuesday.  The doctor informed her she should stay home for the rest of the week until he had a chance to meet with her on Friday.  I think the couple of days at home may have done her a little good. 

Do you understand?

The last couple of days have made me question how much my daughters understand what is going on with their mother.  I know the oldest understands.  She has stepped up and really done a good job of taking care of her younger siblings.  Yesterday when we were gathering things to pack for my wife, the middle girl asked if her mommy was going back to the hospital.  Obviously, she remembers the last time this happened.  Today when I came home for a short time my youngest daughter asked where her mother was.  I reminded her that we took her mother to the hospital.  She said ok and returned to playing.  It makes me wonder, do my daughters really understand what is going on around them? 

Unexpected Situation

Something out of the ordinary happened at work today.  When I encountered the situation, I had a good idea of what procedure to follow but wanted a second opinion to make sure I was following the proper guidelines.  Well that second opinion turned into a third opinion.  The third opinion took the situation and blew it completely out of proportion.  The third opinion made it seem like the world was about to end.  I learned a valuable lesson today.  Always go with my first mind and don't bring others into the fray.  Everyone I work with is not calm under pressure.  Some people crack at the slightest hint of pressure.  Some people can only deal with the norm and cannot handle an unexpected situation. 

We Create our own Problems

We create our own problems.  Doing things we know are wrong and not worrying about the consequences usually ends up being a big mistake.  I was talking to my wife today and learned that she had not been taking her medications.  Due to not taking her medication, she ended up back in the hospital.  We create our own problems.

Maybe

Maybe it's because she can't take my bluntness.  Maybe because I am not emotional.  Maybe because I outgrew the boy she fell in love with and became the man she married.  Maybe she should not work where she works.  Maybe she should let me handle her finances.  Maybe she should stop worrying so much about everyone else's problems.  Maybe she should focus on what she can control.  Maybe she will get better this time.  Or maybe, this is the beginning of the end. 

Return to Alcatraz

I thought that once you escaped from Alcatraz that was it.  I thought that once you get out of that hell, you do everything in your power to never return.  I thought most people would die before doing a second bid in Alcatraz.  Apparently, this is not what my wife thinks.  She is back in Alcatraz.  I spent four hours today waiting so she could be admitted back to the Behavioral Health wing of the hospital.  No visitation.  Calling to talk to her will be a crap shot.  Hopefully, this will be a short stay.  Regardless, she has decided she wants more time in Alcatraz.

All or Nothing

When you give your all and nobody cares, will anybody care when you give nothing at all?

Starting not to Feel

I had a very scary moment last week.  I got sick.  My blood sugar was completely out of whack.  The real scary part about the situation is that I couldn't feel the problem with my blood sugar.  I will admit that I am a terrible diabetic.  But like any other diabetic, I can feel when my body is not functioning properly.  When my sugar is high, I get thirsty and go to the bathroom a lot.  When my sugar is low, my heartrate increases and I start to shake.  My sugar dropped last week and I was unable to feel it.  I don't know if it was because I was so determined to push myself that I ignored the signs or if the signs never came but I do know that I got sick.  I don't know what I am going to do if I can't feel myself getting sick.

The Path to being Committed

I had a feeling this was going to happen but I wasn't expecting it to happen now.  This isn't the time of year for this kind of problem.  My wife took a "mental health" day from work yesterday.  Basically that means she decided she didn't want to go to work and spent the day working my nerves on my off day.  Today she stayed home again.  I had to work this morning so I was away from her foolishness.  When I came home today, I discovered that she had done nothing throughout the day.  I took our middle child to ballet practice and she went to pick up our eldest from an after school meeting.  The oldest was not there when my wife arrived.  She began to worry and worried herself into a panic, almost to the point she was in tears.  I went to the school after ballet practice and found the eldest.  The meeting ran long and she had no way of contacting us.  At dinner, my wife stated that she is afraid of getting committed when she sees her doctor on Tuesday because she is not stable.  I really can't deal with her condition right now.  I have too much on my own plate.  I really think I may have to let her walk the path to being committed on her own and deal with whatever happens.

Cracked Mask

Those that know me well, know that I am fan of an anime called Bleach.  The main character is a teenager named Kurosaki Ichigo.  He is given amazing powers in order to protect those around him.  Throughout the series, he faces challenges and overcomes them.  In order to use his maximum power, he often dons a mask.  One of the downsides of the mask is that it drains everything out of Ichigo which can require much recovery time.  Due to the nature of the mask, Ichigo can only sustain the form for a short time before the mask cracks and goes away allowing his recovery.  I pulled an Ichigo last week.  I overexerted myself by trying to do more than normal.  The end result was me not being able to mask how I was feeling.  Everyone around me knew that something was wrong.  I left me second job early because we were slow in hopes of getting some much needed rest.  I tossed and turned all night, so the sleep was not restful But it was enough to get me back on track.  I have to be careful with that.  A cracked mask could mean more problems than I am willing to deal with.