Christmas 2019

Lemme post about Christmas 2019 before the new year arrives.  Christmas actually went better than I thought it would this year.  I worked with the ex-wife to get my 2 youngest daughters what they wanted.  The little one wanted an Apple watch.  We also got her some jeans.  The middle daughter wanted some Vans shoes.  I gave my ex-wife money to get the middle girl some jewelry.  I got my oldest daughter a projector for her phone.  I got the ex-wife a neck massager (something to open in front of the kids) and a vibrator (had to open that one in private.  We're divorced but we still have our foolish moments.)  I got my girlfriend a Michael Kors purse.  My kids got me some office supplies for my desk and my girlfriend got me some sleep pants and tshirts.  The oldest daughter purchases a Nintendo Switch for her younger siblings and my girlfriend purchased an additional game for them.  Overall, Christmas 2019 was pretty nice.   

Should I be Proud or Pissed Off?

I'm at a crossroads about a situation in my life.  My oldest daughter decided you wanted to try to work 2 jobs.  Her second job is McDonalds.  Now for those of you who are paying attention, you know that I don't deal with McDonalds since my incident.  Not only did my daughter get a job at McDonalds, she works at the one where my incident happened.  I don't know if I should be proud of her for trying to get her grind on or pissed off because she is working somewhere I don't support. 

Divorce - One Year Later

A couple of days ago marked the one year anniversary of my divorce.  I jokingly texted my ex-wife and she replied thanks but I was a day ahead.  Minor technicality based on day it was signed vs day it was filed.  Anyway, the ex and I have managed to remain peaceful and work together for the sake of our girls.  She still gets a hunk of my paycheck every 2 weeks and I assist with other financial obligations related to my girls when necessary.  Overall I think the divorce was a good thing.  It seems to have allowed both of us to move to a better place in our lives. 

Thanksgiving 2019

In typical Thanksgiving fashion, I volunteered to work the evening shift.  I got up last Thursday and lazed around for a little bit.  Around 10am, I preheated the oven and started loading our Thanksgiving meal.  My daughter, my girlfriend and I decided on a small ham, mac & cheese, cornbread dressing and broccoli rice casserole.  We all sat at the table around 12 and enjoyed the meal.  We cracked jokes until it was time to clean up.  I got ready for work and spent the rest of my day at my retail job.  Nothing spectacular, nothing crazy. 

New Living Arrangements

My ex-wife emailed me last month and informed me she wanted our oldest daughter out of the house by month's end.  I decided not to put up a fight and simply complied.  I told my daughter she would be moving in with me.  So for the past week, I have been living in an extended stay hotel with my girlfriend and my daughter.  Needless to say, this can't and won't last long.  As much as I hated to do it, I agreed to move into a 2-bedroom apartment.  Good news is that it will provide more space,  Bad news is that none of us own any furniture so we will be starting from scratch.  This is going to be an expensive adventure. 

Ten Months and One Year

Last month marked ten months of officially being divorced.  It also marked one year since I was asked to move out of the house I once shared with my wife and kids.  It's hard to believe so much time has passed.  So much has happened. 

Stay Out My Business

There's a saying in the streets - "Snitches get stitches."  That's really how I feel right now.  Over the past 2 weeks, someone has seen fit to put my business on blast at my fast food job.  First of all, someone decided to tell our above store manager that my girlfriend and I are actually dating.  Yea, I know that sounds crazy.  You have to remember:  1) I don't put my personal business out in the open and 2) my above store manager doesn't/didn't know about my divorce.  My store manager came to me and said her boss had been made aware of my relationship.  My manager told me to keep things professional and hopefully nothing further would come from the situation.  Ok.  That's problem number one.  Problem number two.  Someone decided to again go to my above store manager (amazing how these motherfuckers can't talk to me or at least my store manager) and bring up the fact that my daughter and I worked at the same store.  What fucking difference does it make?  It's not like we work together often.  Based on our schedules, my daughter and I may have worked together 3-4 times total.  However, in order to cover his ass, my above store manager said something to my manager.  Now there's a chance my daughter may be getting transferred.  I really want to put my foot in this snitch's ass. 

2020 Goal

I have a goal in mind for 2020.  I've shared my goal with a couple of people and have gotten mixed feedback.  I want to take my mom somewhere on a vacation next year.  With all my hard work, I'm hoping to have more money to spend on things I want besides bills.  That being said, I want to do something nice for mom to let her know how much I appreciate all she has ever done for me.  Now that I think about it, I am going to take her on vacation.  Even if it means, bills don't get paid.  As mom would say, "it ain't gonna put me no closer to the soup line." 

Fix It Or Get Another

My truck is starting to show it's age and I'm torn about what to do.  It's a 2011 model so it's not super old but she's no spring chicken either.  A variety of things have happened to make me question whether I should keep the truck or get another.  Back in August, I was taking my daughter to work and the truck actually overheated.  I had to pull over on the side of the road in 5 o'clock traffic and wait for the engine to cool down.  I can't run the air conditioner for fear of the vehicle overheating.  Something is wrong with the driver's side window and I can't let it down.  I need a set of tires.  I need to get the brakes done because they are starting to squeak.  I need to have the shocks and struts replaced.  I've also been told the rear control arms need work.  All in all, that seems like a lot of money to invest in an 8 year old car.  I've learned in the past that when you start putting more into the car than what it's worth, it's time to move on.  Barring any major problems, I should be able to pay it off at tax time next year.  At that point in time, I would only have to worry about maintenance and insurance.  On the flip side, I could look into getting another vehicle but that would stick me with another car payment for five or more years.  I'm still undecided which option to take.  I'm still not sure if I should fix it or get another.

If I was an Asshole

I have officially been divorced for 9 months.  Life is going good.  I'm working my ass off trying to get myself to a better place.  Things between my ex wife and I are good.  She gets her child support money each month thanks to the nice people at the Department of Human Services.  Additionally, if she needs anything extra, she'll text or call me.  This is where the asshole part comes in.  Yes, I know in the divorce papers, it says I have to help with expenses related to the kids.  I'm cool with that.  But if I was an asshole about it, I wouldn't give her money every time she asks, especially when the reason is not directly related to my children. 

Fedex almost bought me a truck

A couple of weeks ago I was almost in a serious car accident.  I had made a stop at a gas station at the corner of an intersection.  I pulled out of a gas station onto the road.  This particular road (highway actually) has 5 lanes, two going north, two going south and a turn lane.  I needed to go south so I had to cross the 2 north lanes and the turn lane.  As I was crossing the turn lane I was almost hit by a FedEx truck going north in the southbound lane.  The only thing I can think of is the driver must have pulled out from the parking lot of an abandoned store on the corner was trying to avoid going through the light.  Luckily I saw the vehicle in time and we both slammed our brakes and swerved to avoid collision.  No collision.  He kept driving and so did I.  Thank God I was in the band and have that good peripheral vision at times.  Otherwise, FedEx would be taking care of me for the rest of my life. 

Dayum she look sexy but....

I was at a gas station the other day and this gorgeous young lady walked in.  Looked like she could be a model or in the entertainment business.  First glance, she appeared to be flawless.  Then she opened her mouth and asked the cashier for a black.  Hold up.  Pump da brakes.  Immediate turn off.  One thing I don't like is a female who smokes.  So yea, she looked sexy as hell but the ashtray mouth was a killer for me.

I Lost an Argument with a Box Cutter

I learned why following safety rules can be so important in life.  I was helping out at another retail pharmacy location in August.  I was trying to remove a fixture which was attached to a metal shelf with plastic screws.  Normally simply tugging on the fixture will pull the screw out.  Unfortunately, I encountered one persistent screw which would not budge.  Being the smart person that I am, I went to my truck and got my box cutter.  While holding the fixture with my left hand, I tried to cut the plastic screw.  I cut the screw along with the tip of my left thumb.  Took off most of the extended part of the fingernail and about a sixteenth of the actual meat of my thumb.  I spent 4 hours in the ER that night and had surgery a few days later to repair my thumb.  The amount I cut was not enough to be reattached so the plastic surgeon did a procedure where he cut a V into my thumb, pulled the skin to cover the open wound and stitched it back together.  I've been wearing gauze pads and bandages since then as the wound heals.  So when people see my covered finger and ask what happened my reply is, I lost an argument with a box cutter. 

Has it really been 2 months?

I can't believe it has been 2 months since my last post.  I told myself I was going to do better and post more.  A lot has happened in the last 2 months and I'm sure I'm not going to remember everything.  Guess I'll post what comes to mind and make it do what it do.

Jealous or Envious?

I've been thinking a lot recently about whether I'm jealous or envious of my co-workers and the lives they have.  Talking to people at my jobs leads to discussions about family game nights, vacations, going to the movies or other fun times.  Anyone who really knows me, knows all I do is work.  Hell, with 3 jobs, it's all I have time for.  I looked up jealousy and envy online to see which one better suited my thoughts and this is what I found.

The main difference between envy and jealousy is that envy is the emotion of coveting what someone else has, while jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else.

Well that makes it pretty easy.  I can't be jealous because I don't have anything that anyone wants.  Guess I'm envious of my co-workers and their lives from time to time.  

  

First Off Site Task

Last week, I got the chance for my first off site project.  We were upgrading some computers for a local customer.  I went out on day one with a teammate to drop the equipment at the locations and determine which computers would be replaced.  Day two, I was on my own for the most part.  I had to go to a location by myself and handle switching the computers out.  I was nervous initially because I didn't want to screw anything up.  After a little while, I found my groove and got down to business.  All in all, I think everything went well.  They surveyed the customer after the upgrade and they were satisfied. 

Proper Cell Phone Use

I know we are in a society now where we feel we have to always be connected.  You can't go anywhere without your phone.  Home, work and play, phone must follow.  That being said, I feel there are some situations that warrant not talking on your phone.  I was in the bathroom at work the other day and heard someone in the other stall.  A minute later I realized he was actually talking on the phone while he was taking a shit.  Really?  Your conversation couldn't wait a few minutes?  To me, that is totally disgusting.  I wonder if the person on the other end knew what he was doing during the conversation.

Fashion Bloopers

Working in environments where I get to see a lot of people on a daily basis provides ample opportunity to observe what I consider fashion bloopers.  Now I could be wrong but some people are not built for certain clothes.  I know people will experiment with their wardrobe as they go through changes but damn.  Here are a few things I have seen recently that made me shake my head.

1.  How da hell are you a female wearing a titty shirt but you have not titties?
2.  How are you a "buff" guy in a tank top but you look like you need a sports bra on?
3.  How da hell do you sag skinny jeans?
4.  Why are you a plus size trying to wear petite clothes barely breathing in the tight shit?

Privileged Generation

Being in my 40s, I'm at a great place in my life.  I'm old enough to be grown but young enough to not be a senior citizen.  I can have a conversation with a 20yr and then talk to a 65yr just as easily.  Talking to the younger generation is always interesting.  The youth of today feel so entitled and privileged.  They think they should be given the world without working for it.  I was talking to a 20yr coworker the other day and she had a bad interaction with a customer.  She came to me and basically said she didn't have to put up with customers' shit for the little bit of money the company was paying her.  Keep in mind she is making over $10 per hour.  Fusses about not having money to get her hair and nails done.  Must be nice.  I know people that would put up with a lot more for a lot less. 

Unprotected Sex

I was having a conversation with one of my younger co-workers a couple of weeks ago (yea, I'm hella behind on blogging) and she started to tell me about this guy she was talking to.  During the conversation, I realized she had known the guy less than a month before having sex with him.  The even more disturbing fact is that she had unprotected sex with him.  Now I don't know if she takes birth control but she made the comment that he said his "pull out game is immaculate."  Nigga please.  Even if this is the case, his pull out game ain't gonna stop a STD.  Man, these kids these days is something else!

The Dynamic Duo

Last Friday marked the 7 month anniversary of my divorce.  The good thing about my divorce is that my wife and I agreed to everything with no bickering or fighting.  We are still the same type of parents we were when we were married.  Friday night, our oldest daughter decided to lie to me about her whereabouts.  Her mother presumed she was with me.  Fast forward to Saturday 5am.  My ex wife called me and we put two and two together.  Later on that day, our oldest daughter got to meet the dynamic duo.  Nothing was planned but you would have thought my ex and I had scripted a 45 interrogation of our daughter.  Every time I stopped, she picked up and ran with the ball.  Our oldest didn't know what to do or say.  Bottom line, she won't lie to us again.

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People enter your life and they leave.  Their purpose in your life can usually be attributed to a reason, a season or a lifetime.  We sometimes put people into the wrong category with the line of thinking and have to make adjustments based on their actions.  I have/had a friend who I thought feel into the lifetime category.  Career moves separated us physically but we keep in touch via calls, emails and texts.  It's been a few months since I have heard from this friend.  I've tried reaching out but have yet to get a response.  I guess my lifetime friend was actually there to just get me through a season or I was there to get her through one. 

What's My Worth part 2

It's annual review time at my new job.  Considering I've only been there a few months, I didn't think I would get a review.  My manager called me into the conference room at my schedule time.  I thought we were going to talk about what I could work on to improve my performance.  I was surprised to learn that the company was impressed by my contributions to the team.  They decided to go against the norm and offer me a raise of $1000 per calendar year.  I was shocked.  I didn't think I had made that much of an impact but I guess that really goes to show what I'm really worth. 

Happy Unanniversary

Last month would have marked my 15-year wedding anniversary.  Instead it marked the 6 month anniversary of my divorce.  Kinda ironic that the divorce was finalized so that it would coincide with our wedding date.  I was talking to the ex-wife that day about some random stuff with the kids and said "Happy Unanniversary" to her.  Her reply was a simple, "ok."  A former coworker asked how was my anniversary this year.  My reply "uneventful." 

Father's Day 2019

Yea I know Father's Day was 3 weeks ago but if you know me then you know I love procrastination.  Anyway, Father's Day 2019 was uneventful.  I sent out text messages and a few messages on various social media platforms to guys I knew had kids.  I got a few replies back.  A few ladies that know me wished me a Happy Father's Day.  I received my gift a week later but it was still awesome.  My girls got me a 3-picture frame with photos of each of them around the same age.  Probably one of the best gifts I could receive.  It's on my desk at work right now. 

I Wear My Life on My Neck

Right around the time I was asked to move out of the house, my middle daughter gave me a heart shaped charm.  She had started making bracelets and necklaces so she decided to give me one.  Since then, I have requested 2 more from her.  Each of these hearts represents one of my children.  I found an old heart-shaped locket I got from my mother in my storage.  I added it to the collection.  I used a piece of black string and made a simple necklace with all four of those hearts.  My girlfriend purchased a pewter necklace for me about a year and half ago with a pendant that reads "You're All I Need."  I added my wedding ring to this necklace. So I have reminders of 6 important people in my life on me most of the time.  I wear my life on my neck. 

I'm Done with McDonalds

About a month and a half ago, I had a very unsettling encounter at the McDonalds near my retail pharmacy job.  Since then, I've only been to McDonalds once (this was a different location and only because my oldest daughter wanted some fries.)  I had been to this McDonalds hundreds of times in the past due to its closeness to my job.  It's literally within walking distance - maybe 100 yards.  I grew accustomed to their less than excellent service but the ever changing staff let me know that this was not somewhere people came to develop lifetime careers.  On this particular visit, while I was waiting for my food, I observed an employee go outside and smoke.  He re-entered the building and did not wash his hands.  He didn't touch any part of my order but I felt it was important to alert management due to the possibility of cross contamination (don't forget - I work in fast food too.)  I asked to speak to the manager.  I told him he needed to make sure his team was following proper hand washing procedures because the offense could lead to a failed internal audit or worse, a store closure if the health department happened to come by.  The manager asked who the culprit was.  I pointed to the young man I observed go outside.  And this nigga went off.  He called me everything but a child of God.  I tried to explain I wasn't trying to get him in trouble - I was simply offering advice.  He was not trying to hear it.  I got my food and left.  I have not returned since that day.  For the manager on duty to stand there and listen to an employee verbally assault me without addressing the situation was enough to let me know that my business was not appreciated.  I'm done with McDonalds. 

TMI

I'm a very easy person to talk to.  Whether you are a life long friend or someone I just met, you talk I listen.  Recently however, I've felt like people are sharing a little bit too much with me.  Last night at my retail pharmacy job was a prime example.  I had a young man come in and ask if we had detox pills.  I told him we had body cleanse pills but not specifically detox pills.  He said he had a job interview in a couple of weeks and need to make sure he was clean for the drug test.  WTF??? TMI!!
Who tells a random stranger that they are concerned about failing a drug test for a job?  Later last night, a lady came in and we were talking about spending money.  I told her about the $200 I had given my wife this weekend so the kids could enjoy themselves at the family reunion.  The lady told me that her ex-husband was being an asshole and didn't want to give their son (who happens to be disabled) any money.  The husband made the comment that he wished he could sit on the couch and do nothing all day like the son.  Really?? Thanks for sharing but simply saying your ex-husband didn't want to give your son money would have been plenty.  And don't get me started on the convos I've had with people 10+ years younger than me.  I've talked about drug use, intimate wardrobe problems and sexual hookups like most people talk about the weather.  Smdh.

More Opportunities at Work

I've only been at the new job 3 months but I feel like I've learned a lot.  A couple of days ago my manager pulled me to the side to talk to me.  This is how the conversation went.

Him:  How's your home situation?
Me:  It's good
Him:  Do you think you would be able to travel?
Me:  (deer in headlights for a second). yea.  My kids stay with my ex-wife
Him:  So you could be gone like maybe Monday thru Friday
Me: yes
Him:  How much notice would you need?  A couple of weeks?
Me:  Yea. That would give me time to make arrangements at my other side hustles
Him:  Ok.  Cause we only have so many bodies in the office so I'm seeing who's available

I asked one of the other guys in the office about it.  He said he had not been approached about traveling.  I told him it was probably because he has a wife and daughter that he goes home to every day as opposed to me and my lonely ass.  I'm kinda excited about the potential to travel for my new job.  In the past, I was always worried about my wife and kids but the divorce has somewhat changed that.  This whole divorce thing may be what I needed to move on to the next chapter of my life. 

Be Careful What You Say to Me

I believe in reading between the lines when talking to certain people.  What a person says and what he/she actually means can be two completely different things.  I was texting an old co-worker of mine yesterday.  We have a pretty good friendship so I feel I can joke with her to a certain extent.  This is how the conversation went. 

Me:  wyd
Her:  Laying down
Me:  whatcha wearing? lol
Her:  ok Bob (her husband)
Me:  Oh hell no!  I got more game than him
Her:  (Thumbs up)
Me:  Now you can't lay there and tell me that as long as we have been friends, you have NEVER considered doing something with me
Her:  Omg.  Go to bed

So for those taking notes at home, pay close attention to her response.  She did not say that she had never thought about doing something with me.  She said go to bed.  Translation - she has thought about doing something with me.  She just does not want to admit it.  Be careful what you say to me.  You might get more than you bargained for. 

Telling More and More of my Business

As the days and months pass by, I realize I am starting to tell more of my business.  Most people that knew me prior to my divorce are unaware.  I don't have a social media presence so I haven't blabbed/bragged about it all across the net.  If you know me, you know I keep my personal business personal.  If anyone asks how is the family, my response is a typical "they're good."  I was at the grocery store a couple of nights ago and ran into someone I used to work with.  We exchanged the usual "haven't seen or heard from you and how are things going."  She then asked how was the wife.  I guess my sarcastic stare let her know something was up.  I told her my ex-wife was doing fine.  We then got into a nice conversation about what happened and all that jazz.  When I got home, I realized she was now one of the few people outside of my family who knows about my divorce.  As time marches on, I guess it will continue to get easier to tell more and more of my business and let people past my secure walls. 

I Like that Look on You

I am not a fashion whore.  I don't buy clothes just to look good.  I don't purchase celebrity endorsed items.  Hell, I couldn't even tell you the name brands of designer clothes.  My clothes now fall into 2 categories - stuff I can wear to work and stuff I will only wear in the comfort of my own home.  My wardrobe consists of items which are several years old.  I haven't grown and the shit still fits so I'm good.  I went to my retail pharmacy job the other day wearing my Nike shoes (gift from my former mother-in-law years ago), a pair of black Dickies (work pants) and a striped button down shirt (I think it came from McRaes ages ago).  I was being me so I didn't have the shirt tucked in.  I was speaking to one of the pharmacy techs and she said "I like that look on you."  I said thank you and thought to myself, "really?  you like this old shit?"  Guess that goes to show, clothes don't make the man - the man makes the clothes!

Is My Health Really Getting Better

Since taking on the new job back in February and getting new health insurance, I've been trying to do better in regards to my health.  By no means am I anywhere near where my doctors want me but I'm trying.  I've basically eliminated carbonated drinks from my diet (except on the occasional late night drive to mom's when I need something to keep me awake or when I have absolutely no other options).  I've gone back to being more conscious about the carbs in foods and taking my insulin accordingly.  That's where things get shaky for 2 reasons.  First, as I recently posted, being a diabetic is expensive.  Insulin and pump supplies are not cheap - even with insurance.  Sometimes you have to choose between medicine and food to eat.  Secondly, I've been encountering a lot more low sugar episodes.  I guess my body is continuing to adjust to me taking my insulin more regularly.  Unfortunately, this has led to many recent night of me scrambling for glucose tablets or juice.  So, is my health really better?  Guess only time and my doctors will tell.

What's My Worth

I was thinking about my 3 jobs yesterday and came to a realization.  The company I've spent the most time with is the one that pays me the least.  This is probably due to the industry the job falls into but it's still a fact.  I work in fast food (20 yrs), retail pharmacy (4 yrs) and technical support (3 months).  Amazing how your worth can be determined by where you work. 

Doing Right is Expensive

I recently read an article (I may misquote the figures here) that said there are about 30 million diabetics in the US.  About 7 million of those, ration out the crucial insulin medication needed to survive due to its high cost.  The cost of insulin does not include syringes to inject the medication, a glucose meter to test blood sugar levels to ensure proper dosage and other things associated with the disease.  Plus, depending on how serious the condition, a diabetic has to survive on a low/no carb and no sugar diet.  Personally, I thought getting a new job with better insurance would help more with my diabetes.  Don't get me wrong - things are improving with my health slowly but it comes at a high cost.  I'm on an insulin pump which means I need insulin plus the supplies for the pump to inject the medicine.  Doing right is expensive and I don't know how long I will be able to maintain. 

To Help or Not to Help

I am one of those people who would normally give my last to help someone close to me.  Working 3 jobs is starting to put me in a better overall financial situation.  I have set personal goals to pay off a few outstanding debts to keep moving in a positive direction.  I have a friend, however, who is in dire financial situation.  Having made what I consider unwise choices has landed this person in deep financial trouble.  I could reach out to my personal loan company and probably get $1000 to help this friend.  My concerns are:  1) This would put me further in debt and 2) I am unsure of when and if the friend can pay me back.  I'm currently between the good ole rock and a hard place.  Do I help someone who desperately needs it or do I just mind my own business?

Commitment

One of my favorite artists, Monica, has a song out now called "Commitment."  In the song there is a line that goes "I can show you all my thoughts and where my demons play."  I've been thinking about this and realized that I have never really committed to any one person.  There is no one person who knows all my thoughts and where my demons play.  I have several people I go to and vent but no one person knows EVERYTHING.  Maybe that's why I got divorced - because I was never truly committed.  

Five months and counting

May 26, 2019 marked the five month mark for my divorce.  I can't say it has been a breeze but I'm sure things could have been worse.  My ex-wife and I are on fairly good terms but there are a few things we disagree on.  Based on what others have told me, my ex-wife has posted on social media that she is living her best life now that I'm gone.  I'm happy that she is happy.  I'm working on living my best life also.  Life goes on.

Our Divorce was Easy

I was talking with my ex-wife a few days ago.  She started telling me about some of her friends who were in some stage of divorce.  One lady stated her husband absolutely refused to consider divorce even though their relationship is completely shot.  Another lady is in the middle of a divorce but can't agree to terms with her husband.  Etc, etc.  Those ladies, along with members of my ex-wife's family asked, how did she make it seem so easy.  My ex-wife wasn't sure what they meant because divorce is never easy.  After spending 20+ years together, my wife and I are still trying to separate ourselves from each other financially speaking. Also, we still have children together so we can't completely walk away from each other.  I guess our divorce was easy because we agreed on everything.  I didn't put up any resistance to what she wanted.  I just signed the paperwork and kept it pushing.  Since we agreed on everything, there was no need to go to court.  I guess on the outside looking in our divorce was easy.

Kids had fun with me

I should have posted this a month ago.  We had a special training week at my new job last month.  During the course of the week, there were a couple of family friendly events.  The first event was dinner at a local restaurant.  I invited my ex-wife and kids.  The ex chose not to attend but the kids were gung ho.  They enjoyed dinner because it was crawfish, shrimp and other seafood items.  They were even able to order additional items from the menu.  The second event was a local baseball game.  The kids enjoyed sitting in a VIP section complete with food.  They were able to purchase souvenirs.  After the events of the week, my ex wife told me that the kids had fun with me.  That made the whole week worth it. 

If you don't grind, don't expect my sympathy

I was working last Saturday morning and received a phone call.  It was an employee from another store.  She wanted to know if I could work for her the next night.  I apologized and informed her that I was already scheduled at my job.  The young lady went on to say "I haven't had an off day in 2 weeks."  Haven't had an off day in 2 weeks?  Bitch, please!  I haven't had an off day in months.  But I'm focused on my grind.  Damn a day off. 

Pain getting worse

Not taking care of my health properly is starting to take a toll, especially with all the work I am doing these days.  I feel it most in my feet.  Rather, I don't feel in my feet.  They are not completely numb but there are times when I incur various pains like pins.  I know this is not a good sign and I am trying to do better but it seems like the pain keeps getting worse.  I started seeing a podiatrist last year as well as my regular doctor.  I hope I'm able to get things better before it gets worse and leads to complications. 

It's a Small, Small World

Yesterday proved yet again that it is indeed a small, small world.  I decided to attend an awards program for my youngest daughter at her school.  When I arrived, I walked in and tried to find a spot to observe.  I walked past a young lady and thought "it can't be."  Me being me, I went and stared her in the face.  She stared back for a second then said "HEY! How have you been?"  This was someone I have not seen face to face in over 20 years.  We hadn't seen each other since high school.  Turns out our kids attend the same school.  It's a small, small world. 

Child Support Problems

Sometimes the government intervenes when it's not necessary.  A couple of weeks ago, my paycheck was garnished.  I was distraught when I noticed $240 of my hard-earned money gone without warning.  I contacted payroll and HR to find out the source of the garnishment.  This led me to the department of human services.  According to them, I was behind $1200 on child support and they were going to take $240 from every paycheck going forward until I caught up.  Wait!  Do what!! I pay my child support.  I called the agency to discuss what happened.  I was told that since I was paying my wife's representative payee and not the agency directly, there was no record of the payments.  I told the rep on the phone I had receipts from the payee.  The young lady on the phone said my ex-wife would have to come to the office with the receipts and fill out paperwork stating I had made the payments.  And then it was up to the case worker, if the payments were acceptable.  This also poses a problem for my wife because now she has to wait for money to be loaded to a child support card rather than get it from her payee.  So as I look at my statement for this week's check, I see another garnishment even though my wife went and filled the paperwork out.  These child support problems are going to be a major headache.

Speakerphone in public

Dear Cell Phone User,

I'm sorry that you got that new Iphone without a standard headphone jack and you can't afford airpods.  I'm also sorry that you destroyed your wired or wireless headphones for your Android phone.  I am not, however, sorry when I mean mug yo stupid ass for walking in public talking to people on speakerphone.  I do not want to hear your whole conversation.  I do not want to hear any of it actually.  Tell you what.  You can borrow my bluetooth headphones.  In fact, keep dem bitches.  A gift from me to you.  Just get yo ass off speakerphone in public.

Sincerely

The nigga you just grossed out talking to yo baby mama about making another baby.

Slip of the tongue

It's been 4.5 months since my divorce became official.  I'm not the kind of person who broadcasts my personal business.  People that knew my wife and I before the divorce still ask how is she doing and how are the kids.  I simply reply "they're good" or "they're ok."  If they ask if I'm divorced (considering I have not worn my ring in 4.5 months, you would think that someone would notice) I'll tell them.  I was talking to one of my co-workers at my retail job and she said something about my wife.  She caught me slipping because I said "you mean ex-wife."  Damn.  Slip of the tongue.  Her jaw dropped and said stop playing.  I said I was dead serious.  She shook her head and walked away.  I don't know if she has shared the info with anyone else.  If she does, cool.  If she does not, cool. 

Leave already. He Ain't Gonna Change

I have a friend in a strained relationship.  Strained to the point, she doesn't live with her husband anymore.  The two have not officially divorced but considering they have not lived under the same roof in over a year, they might as well go ahead and make it official.  For whatever reason, they refuse to do so.  Also, she refuses to stop giving him chances to upset her.  If he wasn't doing right, when you were together, he damn sure ain't gonna do right when you're not.  My biggest problem with the situation is their kids.  He'll make plans to do something with the kids and then pull out at the last minute without a reasonable excuse.  I could understand a life/death situation or going to work trying to make more money to support the family.  No.  This nigga bailed on his kids to ride with another nigga out of town.  Really?  You ditched yo kids to be a dude's side bitch and got absolutely nothing out of the deal?  Stupidity at its finest.  I've told her to leave his stupid ass several times but she hasn't.  Guess she's gonna keep dealing with his non-changing ass.

Bitch, He is a manager

We currently live in a society where people in leadership roles are getting younger.  Long gone are the days where a manager had to be an older white male.  That being said, also gone are the days when a "manager" only managed people.  Today managers are in the trenches with the grunts for the most part.  I have 3 managers currently.  All 3 work as hard as I do for the company.  No one has a desk job where they can sit and look cute.  I say all this because I had a situation recently with a customer.  She called during the day and spoke with one of my peers on the phone.  He told her he was the manager.  When she arrived later that day to resolve her issue, I introduced myself as the manager on duty.  She seemed a little confused.  She stated she wondered why the young man she spoke with earlier answered the phone and said he was the manager.  I tried to explain to her he is part of the management team so at the time she called, he was the manager.  She went on to say she not used to a manager answering the phone and things of that nature.  I had to bite my tongue before I said, Bitch, he is a manager.

Laughter all around us

I once heard a comedian say laughter is all around us.  You just have to sit back and observe. Such was the case this past Saturday.  While working at my retail job, a customer purchased 2 items which made me laugh. An older gentleman came to the register with lambskin condoms and some icy hot. It took all my self control to keep a straight face.

Superstar Devil

Satan was on his A game today.  He tried to push me repeatedly today but I somehow made it through.  My day started off like any other workday.  I was chatting with my coworkers when a call came in from a client I helped yesterday.  Same issue.  That meant that the problem was more involved than I initially thought.  I consulted with a more experienced tech.  Nearly 2 hours later we discovered the root cause.  As I went back to my desk to try and contact the client, I noticed that I had a missed text message.  My daughter had texted me stating she needed to get to school.  I told my manager I needed to take an early lunch.  I went to pick her up and drop her off.  I returned to work only to get a text from my other daughter stating she had locked herself out of the house.  Now this was a major problem because my ex-wife was out of town and obviously I don't have a key.  I had to leave work a second time.  I took my daughter to my house and left her there.  Things seemed to calm down until 3ish when I received a text from the ex stating I needed to get our middle daughter from tutoring.  This meant I had to go get my oldest, fight 5 oclock traffic to get the middle one and then rush to try and make it to the performance of my youngest child.  Fun, right?  The devil was truly a superstar today but I played right along with him. 

One Reason for my Divorce

Living single gives me time to look at my life and analyze the good and the bad.  Last Friday offered a little incite as to why I ended up getting divorced.  Last Friday I received a text from a former co-worker.  She asked if I was busy and if I could talk.  I figured it was a serious matter because she knew I was at work.  I called and talked to her.  She needed me to calm her down about a situation and provide her advice.  After the call, a light bulb went off.  One of the reasons for my divorce suddenly stared me in the face.  One of the reasons for my divorce was the fact that I tried to be a "husband" to so many others besides my wife.  As I think back over the years, I was always doing things for my female friends that their significant other should have been doing.  Being a sounding board, providing advice, going out for meals, running errands.  These were all tasks I did on the regular.  Some friends reciprocated and others simply used me.  Regardless it happened.  And I think that because I had done all those things for my now ex-wife for so many years, I grew tired of doing it for her so I opted to to do it for someone else.  Toward the end of our marriage, she tried to accept my actions but in the end, divorce was the result. 

Birthday 2019 Recap

It's been almost a week since my birthday and I have not stopped to take the time and recap my lack luster day.  As usual, I worked on my birthday.  I didn't tell anyone at my new job that I was another year older.  My oldest daughter went to lunch with me.  We ate at a local wing place and had a nice conversation.  I'm happy that she is doing better but I'm still concerned about her and the medicines.  I went to my retail job that evening.  Nothing special.  Same shit as always just a different day.  During the course of the day I received a couple of  "Happy Birthday" texts from family but none from my friends.  I even got a "Happy Birthday" from the ex-wife.  And that's it.  Birthday done.

Coparenting Challenges

I'm trying my best to make this divorce work for the sake of my children.  They know that if they need anything that I can provide (besides my physical presence) then it's theirs.  With that said, I've made a few "pop up" visits to the house to drop off miscellaneous items the girls needed.  Sometimes I would knock and put it in someone's hands.  Other times I would leave the item and simply send a text message.  Apparently my ex-wife disapproves.  She sent me an email a few days ago that I only noticed by chance tonight.  She basically said to stop showing up at the house unannounced.  She said I know when my visitation times are and if I need to see the girls outside of those times, I have to inform her.  Cool. No problem.  I can handle that.  We've been divorced 3 months and just when I thought things were getting better, I realize they are getting worse.   

Birthday 2019

I'm another year older today. Yay! (Trust me, that was a very sarcastic yay.)  This is the first year since high school that I have not been in a relationship.  Twenty-four years I started dating my now ex-wife.  This year, I celebrate alone.  Well, not completely.  I talked to my eldest daughter today and she wanted to go to lunch with me so we could spend some time together.  Can't wait to see how that goes.  I'm not really expecting much of anything today other than a handful of Happy Birthday texts from family because my "friends" are few and far between.  Considering this post is just after midnight, I may try to do a daily recap once I come home for the night.

New Medicine Cocktail

My oldest daughter was released from the hospital last Tuesday.  She seemed to be ok after the ordeal but time will truly tell.  She was prescribed a nice mixture of medications to help her cope with life.  Hydroxyzine, sertraline and aripiprazole - anxiety, depression and depression.  I hope the medication is the right mix for here and she is able to cope.  I really don't want her to have the challenge of changing meds frequently until the right "mix" is determined by her doctors. 

Ain't No Jobs Out Here

I've been meaning to post this for almost a month but I've been busy and I've been procrastinating.  We constantly hear people say "ain't no jobs out here. Nobody's hiring."  To those people who feel the job market is garbage, I say this.... you are absolutely right.  There aren't any jobs out here - for lazy motherfuckers who don't want to hustle and grind.  All you entitled feeling motherfuckers can sit at home and be miserable.  Jobs are available to people like me.  I currently have 3 jobs - retail, fast food and technical support.  So don't say "ain't no jobs out here."  Say you don't really want to work.

Latest Family Issue

Yesterday my ex wife decided to take our oldest daughter to the hospital because she felt like our baby was in the early stages of depression.  When she told me, all I could think about was having to deal with her (ex wife) when she had her episodes years ago.  I want my daughter to get help but I hate that she has to experience the prison known as behavioral sciences.  I don't think my daughter has entertained any thoughts of suicide unlike the ex who tried to overdose of pills.  I wonder what has pushed her to this point.  Maybe it's the fact that she didn't pass her exam last December and is now sitting at how rather than pursuing her degree.  Maybe it's the fact that she's stuck at home with her bipolar mother.  Maybe it's the fact that the first real job she has ever gotten in her 22 years of life is working at Sonics (which is giving her lousy hours and she is not good at it apparently).  Maybe it's because she is trying to be strong for her 2 younger siblings because I asked her to when we discussed the divorce.  Maybe she is dealing with the demons of the molestation she went thru from her stepgrandfather (I guess that's what you would call him).  Whatever the reason, I hope she is able to open up to someone so she can start dealing. 

Guess She Doesn't Want My Help Anymore

I tried to leave both of my previous job correctly.  I provided each manager with a resignation letter and worked until the last possible day.  I wanted to leave on good terms in case the new job does not work out.  I made it clear that if I had any free time I would reach out to the old jobs and assist until they were properly staffed.  My retail pharmacy manager was thrilled to hear this and indicated that even if I only work a couple of hours every other week that would help.  Yesterday, however, my manager at my fast food job gave me a vibe like she was done with me completely.  I went by the store to tell her how my day went and to let her know about a employee who is coming back to the area and wants to work again.  I left the store and headed home.  She texted me and asked if I had left my keys to the store.  I had honestly not even thought about the keys.  I returned to the store after a while and gave them to her.  The fact that she wanted my store key kinda made me feel like she doesn't want me there.  That's fine. Life goes on.  I guess she doesn't want my help so I'll use my talents elsewhere. 

The New Job

The new job started yesterday.  It was a fairly typical first day.  I got a tour of the office.  I was shown where my desk is located.  I spent a good portion of the day creating usernames and passwords for all of the systems I will have to access.  My manager took me to lunch.  After lunch I had a online meeting with a member of the HR team to discuss benefits and payroll.  After the meeting, I read over some information.  I'm currently on lunch of day 2.  I spent my morning shadowing my manager and another tech.  After lunch I'll be shadowing someone working with another product.  So far, I like the new job.  We'll see what happens as the days pass by.

Complications of "The Process"

Going back to my post a week ago about my "girlfriend" wanting a baby, we decided to call the procedure "the process."  I did a little research on my end for the "process" and have noted a few early complications which I briefly discussed with her (we plan to have a more detailed conversation later).  As previously stated, the biggest hurdle to this process is my health.  I'm a terrible diabetic.  I don't eat right.  I don't check my blood sugar. I don't take my medicine properly.  That's 3 strikes right of the back.  Add to those 3 items that even if I was a good diabetic, heal time after surgery can be a monster.  Speaking of the surgery, a call to a local urologist clinic that performs the reversal provided the following info.  Just for the consultation - just to talk to someone about getting unfixed is $150.  Since most insurances will not pay for the procedure, the cost is $2500 due before the surgery.  Add to that the $1000 for the anesthesia.  Oh, forgot to mention the cost of the recovery room even though it is outpatient surgery.  I'm still waiting to get the price but I'm sure it's not cheap.  I'm guessing that it will cost about $5000+ in total for the reverse vasectomy.  Depending on the procedure used to reverse the vasectomy, it could take 6-12 months for sperm to stabilize -IF the surgery is successful.  All of this has to be taken care of before we get into the "process" of having a baby. 

Stop Saying Wife

I really have to work on my vocabulary.  I was at work the other day talking to a customer and I realized I was saying wife rather than ex-wife.  Co-workers ask how are the wife and kids and I respond. I'm not too sure if it's just habit of saying wife or if it's my way of not letting people know that I am divorced.  In any event, I have to make myself stop saying wife and call her what she is - my ex-wife. 

If They Only Knew

Most of my soon to be ex-coworkers are thrilled about my new job opportunity.  They are happy that I may be able to work just one job rather then trying to juggle two.  They are also happy that I should be able to spend more time with my family.  That's funny to me because they are unaware of my divorce.  I'm not the type of person who advertises my personal business so they don't know that I've been living away from my family for months.  If they only knew what really goes on in my life. 

Weird Dreams

I've had some weird dreams the last couple of nights.  Part of the problem is that I can't remember most of the dream which I know is typical.  The things I do remember are situations bringing together two elements that would never interact (at least I don't think they would). One dream had a previous manager of mine and myself in what appeared to be a basement.  We were just there talking and I think I was washing clothes.  The other dream occurred at my retail job.  A customer was asking about merchandise we stage behind the counter.  I told her to come behind the counter so she could get a better look and make a decision.  I turned my back to the register to help her for a second.  Then I felt someone bump into me.  It was another person who had come behind the counter but he was trying to access the cash register.  I leaned on his shoulder and whispered to him that he was on camera so he may want to cease and desist.  That's when I woke up.  I'm not sure what caused those dreams or if there is any meaning to them but they were indeed, weird.  

Stop Giving Advice

People come to me for advice for different reasons.  I don't know if it's because of my vast array of knowledge (jack of all trades - master of none) or if it's because they feel I will always be honest with them but people value my opinion.  That being said, I've run into situations recently where I have given what I considered good advice.  The individual(s) receiving the advice chose to ignore it and did their own thing.  This decision led to continued problems.  Here's my thing - why ask for my advice and then do the opposite?  In other situations, I chose not to give advice because I knew the individual would not follow my guidance.  This also led to an unhappy situation.  So what's the point??  If I give advice, people don't use it properly.  If I don't give advice, people get upset that I didn't try to steer them in the right direction.  Damned if I do. Damned if I don't. 
 

Valentine's Day 2019

Valentine's Day 2019 has come and gone and it was nothing like I expected.  The gifts I received for Valentine's Day came from my girlfriend last week.  She got me a card, bear and some candy.  The "Happy Valentine's Day" texts I received came from:  my ex-wife, my ex-at-work wife, a co-worker and my girlfriend.  And then there was work.  We were busy at both jobs.  I anticipated the fast food job being a little busy with schools/daycare facilities trying to do parties but we were busy beyond that.  The madness continued until the after dinner hours and unfortunately I was unable to stay and help because I had to be at my retail job at 4pm.  Of course the retail job was no better.  People were out last minute shopping hoping that Valentine Day items had been marked down. Nope! My retail job was busy until the after dinner hours also.  So all in all, VDay 2019 was uneventful and busy.

I'm So Sick of Love Songs (Not Really)

Valentine's Day 2019 is tomorrow.  The day of LOVE!  Never quit understood why you could only love someone on just one day but hey - somebody turned it into a billion dollar marketing day for candy, teddy bears and flowers.  Anyway, speaking of love, my love of R&B songs has been wavering a little recently.  I attribute it to my divorce.  It's a little hard to listen to songs that you created mixed tapes of or burned CDs of when you are no longer with a person after 20+ years.  But then again, I love music.  So regardless of who I am in love with (if anyone at all), my passion for great music won't die.  So I guess I really am not sick of love songs - I just have a different reason to like them. 

My Girlfriend Wants a Baby

My girlfriend recently approached me with the idea that she wants to have a baby.  For those of you keeping score at home, you will know that I use the term "girlfriend" loosely for obvious reasons. But considering I am actually divorced, I guess she could actually hold that title. Anyway - back to the topic.  She went on to inform me that she wanted me to be the father.  This is where things get complicated.  She initially didn't want her mother to look at me as some nigga who knocked her up so she had the idea of me simply donating my sperm.  In an ideal world, that might be a great idea.  In my world, not so much.  I have very strong genes.  My kids all look like me.  I'm sure this child would be no different so her mom would know who the "donor" was when the baby is born.  Moving on.  For those of you just joining the blog and for those who need a refresher, I'm fixed.  I got snipped after my last daughter was born about 9 years ago.  Therefore, in order for me to donate any sperm, I would require surgery to reverse my vasectomy.  With my diabetes, surgery becomes a problem because of slow healing and the risk of infections/complications.  I really want to try and help but I don't know if my health will allow me to be a baby daddy again.  

Signing Away Life As I Know It

Well, there's no going back now.  I turned in my resignation letters at both of my current jobs this past Saturday.   I just emailed my signed documents accepting my new position.  I've signed away my life as I currently know it (trying to work 2 jobs to survive) in hopes that this new one will be enough.  Only time and trying will tell.

My oldest baby is becoming a woman

Most parents will tell you that regardless of age, your children are always your babies.  I had to go by the house and pick up my oldest daughter to take her somewhere recently.  When I got there, she was not ready.  Dressed like a typical 20-something year old, she had on a sweatshirt, jeans and no makeup when I arrived.  I waited for her to get ready.  She returned with a wig that ran halfway down her back, a nice top, slacks and heels, plus her makeup was done. It was a complete transformation.  She had gone from being my little girl to a grown woman in a matter of minutes.  Either I'm getting old or my kids are growing up. 

My 2nd Greatest Fear

Failure has always been my greatest fear.  Not being able to accomplish something that I truly put effort into really gets to me.  My recent divorce is an example of such a failure.  My second greatest fear came up a couple of weeks ago.  I wasn't feeling well and was home alone.  I started to feel like it may be one of those cases where I needed emergency medical assistance.  What would normally happen would be me complaining and throwing up until my wife either forced me to go to the hospital or called an ambulance.  Unfortunately that did not happen and I tried to tough it out.  I survived but barely.  The episode made me think.  My second greatest fear, the fear of dying alone, has become a true possibility.  If I had passed out, it may have been days before someone found my body.  My second greatest fear is more of a reality than I would like for it to be.

Knock, knock. Who is it? Opportunity

An opportunity knocked on my door recently and I am still trying to determine if it is worth the risk.  While at my retail store job, I spoke with a customer who works for a local tech support company.  Based on what I said, he felt I would be a good candidate.  He provided me with his manager's email and phone number.  I gave my resume a much needed update since I had not been on a serious job hunt in 3 years.  I was then scheduled for a phone interview.  The interviewer liked our conversation and sent my information to the local manager.  I scheduled a face to face interview.  I spoke with the manager as well as 2 of the techs.  I think they were impressed with my skill set.  The manager asked me to come back and meet some of the other techs.  We're talking about 35k a year with benefits, vacation and 401k.  I've been crunching numbers to see if I can live off one job based on my recent divorce.  Opportunity is knocking.  I'm just hoping I don't let in a financial disaster. 

One Month Down, A Lifetime to Go

My divorce was finalized one month ago and filed in court.  It's amazing how things are supposed to change.  According to tax law, I get to file as "single" since the divorce occurred before 12/31/18.  I stopped wearing my wedding ring on my hand.  It now resides on a chain around my neck.  I still have not exercised my right to a weekend with the kids but that's because the divorce didn't impact my work schedule.  Many other things have happened since the divorce which I will discuss in other posts.  The most important thing is that I survived the first month. 

I May Be Done With Relationships

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my relationship status while waiting for the divorce to finalize.  I've realized that I've invested over 2 decades of my life with one person (for the most part). I had a few "challenges." Hey - I'm no saint and I admit that.  But I also know that even though I'm in my early forties, at this point in my life, I don't feel like going through learning another person like I learned my ex-wife.  I think I'm going to go back to my childhood dream.  I'm going to tackle life on my own and my sole companion will be a dog. Lol

New Year - Same Old Me

I often tell people I'm not a fan of New Year's resolutions.  Now they may work for some people but I believe you can make a change any time, not just at the start of the year.  That being said, I'm starting 2019 off the way I ended 2018.  I'm going to be the same old me regardless.

I Hate When I'm Right About Bad Situations

Sometimes in life, you just have a feeling about a situation.  Something tugs at your soul and screams "warning" or "danger."  I had that feeling with the recent change at my job.  At first, I thought it was just the hater in me rearing its ugly head.  Unfortunately, it wasn't me hating.  The change has disrupted the balance I had worked hard for 2 months to build.  I'm almost to the point where I want to leave myself.