New Sheriff in Town

I thought I was doing a fairly decent job at my fast food job in my new role.  I was trying to do everything in my power to help grow the business.  Because of this, I was literally working almost 60 hours per week. I was there every single day for some reason or another trying to help us get better.  Well, all that hard work was appreciated by the higher ups, but the overtime they were paying me apparently became a problem.  They brought in another store manager to help me.  I'm not saying that I don't appreciate the help but some of her methods are completely opposite of what I was trying to do with the team.  Also, on a more personal note, bring on another manager meant my hours had to get cut - drastically.  I won't know until my next paycheck how much of an impact this will have financially but I can't afford to make any less money in my current situation. 

Merry Christmas - Divorce Finalized

The fat lady has sung her heart out.  My divorce was filed in court on 12/26/18.  How's that for a Christmas present? It's not like I didn't know it was coming.  O well. Time to move on with life and see what the future brings.

Since my last post

I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since my last post.  A lot has happened.  I kept saying I was going to post stuff but work, friends and fatigue got the best of me.  I'm going to try and post a few things now before work and maybe some more tonight when I get home. 

I Tried

I used to be one of those parents who could attend activities with my kids due to my work schedule.  When I worked overnight, it was never a problem to go on a field trip during the day or attend a function.  When I stopped working overnight, those opportunities went away.  Since I moved out of the house a few weeks ago because of the divorce, I have not seen my kids.  I was supposed to get them for visitation a couple of weekends ago but as always, I had to work.  These past Friday, my youngest had a part in a school program.  I was off that morning so I tried to go see it and more importantly, see her.  When I arrived, I was told the program was not open to the general public.  I asked could I go in because my child had a part.  I was still told no.  Disappointed, I just walked away and texted my wife. I tried. 

She Finally Found Out

I had purposely avoided telling my "girlfriend" about my pending divorce.  I didn't want her to blame herself.  Also, I didn't want to impact her decision making in regards to moving.  She came back into town last week to deal with some personal business.  She came by to say while I was at work.  I told her about what was going on and she reacted as I expected.  I really didn't want to tell her but I was tired of trying to shield her from my unfortunate truth. 

Dear Customer

Couple of quick laughs from the Dear Customer files.

1.  Listen to the phone prompts:  when you call my retail pharmacy job, there is a nice phone tree that will guide you to customer service, the pharmacy or the photo department.  My problem is that people don't listen to the prompts.  I've spoken to lots of people who are checking on a prescription that was called in by their doctor only to put them on hold and transfer them to the pharmacy so they can repeat the whole story again!

2. Is your drug store open:  I love dealing with elderly people.  The way they refer to things is timeless.  I had a lady come in the other day and ask if the drug store was open.  My first thought was "Yes. You just walked in the door."  Then I realized she was referring to the pharmacy!  Yes mam.  The drug store is in the back and it is open for business.   

Say Hello to Your Wife

I have not told anyone other than my mother about my pending divorce.  I don't want my coworkers giving their opinion and feedback.  That being said, I've been working more now because of my new leadership role with my fast food job.  I was talking to one of my superiors the other day and he made the comment "Say hello to your wife. I'm sure she would love to see you some time since you're working so much."  Funny he would say something like that when I am trying to limit communication with her to a bare minimum.   

WTF Moment - I Hate Niggas

This morning reminded me of why I hate niggas. Now for those who are reading this, don't for a single second think that my previous statement was in any way racist.  I'm not referring to "nigga" as a derogatory term referring to black people cause I'm black myself.  The "nigga" I'm referring to can be any color/race.  These "niggas" are lazy, crazy or stupid.  Here's the situation(s).  I had to go to the laundromat this morning.  So at 6am I drove to the location near my hotel.  As soon as I parked, a guy approached me.  He asked me how many loads of clothes I needed to wash.  He told me he could provide me with a lifetime blessing for $7.  He then proceeds to enter the laundromat with me and takes me to a machine.  He presses a button on the machine and it registers like coins are being entered.  So he has discovered a machine with a short and is using it to hustle people.  Straight nigga shit! I told him thanks but I would use another machine.  As I waited for my clothes to wash, I observed him try to run the same scheme of several people.  Really?! Nigga - put that effort into finding a job rather than begging.  Now for part 2.  Another patron entered the laundromat.  He walked to a machine as if he had left his clothes and was returning to put them in the dryer.  He asked me if I saw anyone go to the machine.  After I said no, he looked sick. He walked around checking all the washers and dryers.  He realized someone had stolen his clothes while he was gone.  Again, nigga shit.  How you gonna steal somebody clothes at the laundromat? 

A Bitch Named Karma

I am a huge fan of sayings and quotes especially when they are impactful.  Karma is a bitch always remains at the top of my list. As a friend of mine used to say, the universe has a way of righting the wrong and karma is that way.  As I stated in my previous post, I moved out of my house last Thursday and left it for my wife and kids as we continue going thru this divorce.  Monday night, my wife texted me and asked if I could text my youngest daughter's phone because she was worried that I had not called or seen them.  Yesterday my wife called and asked if I would be able to assist her financially any this month.  Prior to her call, I had tried to check to make sure the utilities were paid but she has changed all the logins and passwords.  I asked what she needed because I had to make sure I could take care of myself.  I have yet to get a response. That bitch named karma has struck again. 

Off On My Own

As I continue on this journey of divorce, things are changing.  Last week I moved out of the house I worked so hard to get.  My wife wanted me to "stop torturing" her and our 2 younger daughters by remaining there.  Also, she had applied for government assistance stating I was already gone.  My original plan was to try to survive in my car for a couple of weeks to save money to get an apartment.  My mother wasn't trying to hear that.  She insisted that I find a hotel and she would assist with paying if necessary.  Luckily I was able to find an extended stay hotel for $250 per week.  So it's basically like having a one room apartment. I have a 42" tv (which I don't watch), fridge, microwave, 2 electric burners for cooking, bathroom with shower and most importantly a bed.  I knew with this divorce I would be off on my own.  Just didn't think it would be this soon and under these circumstances. 

Eat My Own Words

When talking about the women in my life and ranking their importance, I usually explain it as:

1.  My mother comes first.  She shaped me into the man I have become (for the most part). 
2.  My girls come second.  They are each unique in their own way and cannot be replaced.
3.  Wife or girlfriend.  Divorce and breakups happen daily.  She's replaceable.

As much as I have said that in the past, I never thought I would have to actually eat my own words and go through a divorce.  After 20+ years of being together, once the ink on the paperwork dries, I guess it will be time to start searching for a replacement.    

The Nail in the Coffin

The final nail has been placed on the coffin.  It's just a matter of time before this casket is sealed shut.  My wife presented me with the divorce papers when I got home tonight.  She had already signed her name and the date.  I should have known because she asked me was I going to sign them.  We discussed some of the details such as the parenting class we have to attend and the fact the documents have to be notarized since I waived my right to an attorney.  I told her I would try to be out of the house asap so she can move on with her life.  We talked about visitation which I said was not important because once I leave, I won't have a residence to stay in.  We talked about our assets and how our debt would be settled.  It all went in one ear and out of the other.  All I heard was the imaginary sound of a hammer slowly tapping a nail.  During our wedding vows, we said until death do us part.  Guess we're dead to each now. 

I Used to Love Halloween

Years ago, Halloween was my favorite holiday.  It was one day of the year you could be anybody you wanted and no one judged you too terribly.  I used to go all out.  I would decorate my front yard and house.  I would decorate at work if the company allowed.  I would have these awesome Halloween bashes with my closest friends (check previous blogs for more insight.)  But now, Halloween means nothing to me.  I don't decorate anything.  My friends have all moved away so no parties.  I don't even get excited about Halloween candy and I work in a retail pharmacy store full of it!  I used to love Halloween but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of its magic. 

I Don't Know What To Think

As this divorce get closer and closer to being finalized, things are getting more stressful and weirder.  My wife and I were already barely talking but we are to a point now where communication is almost nonexistent.  This morning I walked past her in the kitchen.  Not a word was said.  When we do talk, it's something about the divorce.  She has been pressing me to go ahead and move out.  Easier said than done.  I'm a forty-year old man with no friends I can turn to for assistance.  The people I work with are either married or young so I can't lean on them for a place to stay.  Obviously if I can't afford to maintain the house we are in, how can I afford to get an apartment to live in?  Now, here's a twist.  Although she wants me out of the house, she called me twice last week asking if I was coming directly home after work.  She wanted to go out and our house guest was not home.  Soooo you want me to move out but you want me at the house when you need me?  I don't know what to think. 

The Cycle of Life

It's funny how life treats us sometimes.  This past weekend, my sister-in-law got married.  My wife and daughters attended the service.  If things continue moving at the current pace, I'll be signing divorce papers within a week.  Funny how one life starts and another one ends.  I guess that's how things go to maintain balance in the universe. 

WTF Moment - Strange Dream

Like most people, I usually don't remember my dreams.  The ones I do remember often have something dramatic or traumatic occur which makes them stand out.  I should have blogged about this yesterday when I initially awoke from the dream but it was strange and I had a lot of other things on my mind. 

So apparently in this dream, I was attending some type of gathering or party near the residence of one of my co-workers.  It was an outdoor event but it did not seem to centralized at one particular residence because I remember people walking by and cars passing on the street.  I'm guessing it was some type of block party.  My co-worker approached me while I was outside talking to one of her male family members.  Seemed like a father or uncle based on the conversation.  He walked into the house and she walked out in a sundress.  Now mind you of two things.  One: my co-worker is a very attractive young lady but she has a boyfriend so I have made no attempts at her.  Two:  I have only seen her in work clothes so this sundress look was completely my imagination at its best.  She came over and started talking to me.  After a few minutes, she asked if I wanted to sit down rather than standing and talking.  She suggested we sit in the trunk part of my SUV.  I could tell this was a dream made vehicle because the trunk area was enormous.  We were able to climb into to back and sit comfortably with no problem.  We continued to talk and at one point she straddled me.  She was slightly aggressive and told me not to hold back because she knew that I wanted her.  Frozen with confusion, I just laid there.  The next thing I knew, another male family member was snatching her off of me and out of the SUV.  The person I had spoken with earlier grabbed me and said it was time for me to leave and never come back.  That's when I woke up.  I'm not sure what sparked that foolishness.  

Shit just got real

My wife and I have toyed with the idea of getting a divorce many times over the course of our 14 year marriage.  This time, however, shit has gotten real.  She provided me with a draft of the divorce papers last night so I could read over them and see if I wanted to add anything.  After our conversation, she told me that she would submit the documents back to her friend to write up the final draft.  Based on that, I'll probably be signing divorce papers next week. It's been a unique ride but it looks like it's about to come to an end. 

The Great Dog Caper

Anyone that knows me, knows I have dogs.  My most recent two were a shepard terrier mix weighing about 40 pounds and a lab bloodhound mix weighing about 50 pounds.  I look to these animals as companions and protectors.  The kids enjoy having them around and interact with them frequently.  Back toward the end of August, my dogs disappeared.  Normally if they got out of the yard, they would walk the neighborhood and come back so I was not too concerned.  However, days passed by without any sign of them.  I started calling animal control in my area as well as all the local animal hospitals hoping for a break. A staff member at one of the animal hospitals contacted me when she saw a picture of one of the dogs on Facebook.  Someone had found my terrier mix and turned her in to an animal hospital several miles away.  I was able to retrieve her with no problem.  A week and a half passed by before I found my lab mix.  She had been living in a ditch and someone turned her in to the same animal hospital.  They contacted me and it was a happy reunion.  Or so I thought.  I kept wondering how my dogs ended up several miles away from home in the next town.  I thought someone had dognapped them.  Come to find out my wife drove the dogs to the next town and tried to get rid of them.  She felt the animals had become an unnecessary expense with all the debt we currently have.  This past week, the dogs supposedly took some food from the stove.  My wife told me we had to get rid of them.  She called animal control and had them picked up.  Good news is that I solved the Great Dog Caper.  Unfortunately, I still ended up losing my dogs.   

Dear Customer

I've been wanting to write this post for a while but procrastination is one of my best friends.  Over the course of my career I have worked for a grocery chain, two retail pharmacies, two pizza companies and two call centers.  Often times there are things as employees we wish we could say so that people outside the industry could better understand us.  This post will list a few of those things but is NOT an all-inclusive list. 

1.  Mr/Mrs Customer - you are just that, a customer.  You are not my mother, my father or my significant other.  I don't owe you shit. Thank you and have a great day.
2. When you walk in the door and I speak, you could at least turn your head and acknowledge my gesture.  Trust me, if I didn't have to try and greet every motherfucker that comes in, then I wouldn't.  Unfortunately my company deems it necessary. I'm not asking to have a conversation.  Just look in the direction of my voice and simply say "hello."
3. If I could get paid minimum wage or better to stand at the front counter and do nothing but wait on customers, I would.  But guess what?  My company gets every fucking penny worth out of me.  So my daily tasks include but are not limited to:  checking out customers, stocking shelves, assisting customers find items in the store, taking out trash, cleaning the bathrooms, counting the money,  getting the money to the bank, running and analyzing reports, changing prices, changing merchandise displays and putting shit back where it belongs because your lazy ass threw it behind something on the wrong fucking aisle.
4.  The food you receive will NEVER look like that shit on television.  Unless you don't have cable and internet, everyone should now know about the tricks and techniques that companies use to make a product look mouth-watering on television versus what you really get.  So unless we have totally fucked up your food, take that shit and get out of my restaurant.
5. I'm human.  I'm entitled to a mistake on super duper rare occasions.  In this world of perfection, there are still a few of us who can't always get it right.  If I fuck up, I'll take full responsibility and try to correct my mistake.  However, if the mistake occurs because your dumbass can't operate a smartphone, all bets are off.
6.  You are not my only customer.  I'm sorry that you are in a hurry and just want to pay and go but I can't make this 70 year old woman move any faster.  Either be patient and wait and take your ass elsewhere.  We're not the only place in town that sells what you want.
7.  Unless you see self checkout registers, someone is working in the store.  Please reread #3.  When you approach the register, walk up to the counter and place your merchandise there.  That lets me know that you are ready to pay.  Continuing to fumble around the front of the store and picking up random shit makes me think you are still browsing.  Also, yelling "hello! is anyone working?" is a sure fire way to get mean mugged.
8. Control your bad ass kids.  I'm either in a restaurant or a retail pharmacy environment currently when I work.  I don't have time or patience for your rug rats to tear shit up for me to have to fix later. 
9. I don't know everything.  As much as I would love to be, I am not omnipotent.  I know enough to be dangerous but I don't know it all. I'll provide you with as much information as possible to try and help but don't get mad because I can't answer your dumb ass question.
10.  Prices change.  Please stop coming in and saying "well last week, i paid..." You are absolutely right. Last week you did pay less but guess what.  Inflation happens and as a company, we decided to pass the cost on to you. 

My Girlfriend is Moving

A few months ago, my girlfriend informed me that she is moving out of state.  I encourage the move because I feel she needs a fresh start away from family and friends so she can reinvent herself and be successful.  Well, life happens and her move was delayed.  She plans on leaving at the end of next month now.  People that know she and I are close (they don't know that we are involved) have asked both of us separately, if I am okay with her leaving.  I guess it's because I am her current go-to when things get rough.  As I stated earlier, I am encouraging her to move.  I just have to keep telling myself it is for the best. 

Facing Reality

My wife and I have been together for over 20 years.  We met in high school and have basically been involved ever since.  We've been married 14 of those years and are the parents of 3 beautiful girls.  We've had our good times and bad times but we've survived.  Unfortunately, it is time to bring an end to our survival.  I know that I have personally brought up the idea of divorce several times in the past when we were having problems but failed to get the procedure done.  Based on our most recent disagreements, we have decided to proceed with a divorce.  She is currently getting advice from a friend who happens to be a lawyer but has not hired a lawyer.  (When you figure out how the hell that works, please let me know.)  My wife talked to me the other day and advised me that her friend would draw up the legal documents for the divorce as long as we agreed on the terms.  Our agreement would prevent us from having to go to court and dealing with a judge.  She was informed the procedure could take as little as 3 months but could go longer depending on if there are any complications.  So I could possibly be single again at the start of 2019.  Guess it's time to face reality and start preparing for our separation. 

Never Have I Ever

I remember playing Never Have I Ever with my peers at some of our old gatherings.  It was amazing to hear people come up ridiculous things they had done to try and top each other.  More recently, however, I've been playing my own personal game of Never Have I Ever and I'm not liking the outcome.  My finances have gone from bad to worst to hell.  A couple of weeks ago my cell phone was turned off due to nonpayment.  It was nice to not receive multiple calls daily from creditors trying to collect but I was worried about missing important messages from friends and family.  Then yesterday was the big one.  My wife called me while I was at work and told me a tow truck was at the house looking for my vehicle.  I told him where I was located and he came to repossess my vehicle.  Never have I ever been in such a financial bind. 

Current Relationship Status

When filling out basic paperwork like: job applications, tax documents, apartment/housing leases etc. there is usually a section about your marital status. The choices are single, married, divorced, widowed.  In today's society, the categories need to be updated.  They should include options such as: dating, fresh out of a serious relationship and open relationship.  That's where my current relationship status would fall.  Throw on your thinking caps for this one.  I'm married.  I have a girlfriend which my wife is aware of.  She has a boyfriend who I've met and talked to like an old friend. Hope you got all that.  I'll explain how we got to this point as I continue to update and add posts to this blog. 

Where Should I Begin?

Here we are 6 months down the road since my last post.  I thought I had left out stuff before but now it's even worse.  I've got so much going on in my life, I could probably write 3 separate blogs.  One would be dedicated to work.  One would have to cover my finances.  And the last would detail my personal life.  Of course the 3 would intertwine because you can't have one without the other.  I know I said this last time but I am really going to have to get back to posting to this blog.  The good thing about this is that it's not social media like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat.  You'd really have to stumble across it to know that it even exists.  So what I post will basically be lost in cyberspace until someone gets super bored and decides to read it. And even at that point, unless you really know me, you won't be able to connect all the pieces because I think I do a pretty good job of not mentioning names. 

Damn it! I Hate Deja Vu sometimes!

I feel like I've been down this road before and I really hate how things went.  I've become involved with a female friend.  She has a boyfriend.  I know my role and stay in my place.  We had a conversation yesterday which alarmed me.  She told me that she "gave in" to him and then had sex. I have no problem with that.  They are both consenting adults.  My problem came up when she said he got rough with her.  She didn't go into details but I'm sure she will eventually.  I'm not a fan of any male who puts his hands on a female when she does not ask for it.  I'm not a fan of guys who sweet talk women into sexual acts they are uncomfortable with.  This scenario happened before and I really don't want to see a sequel. 

Why Am I Mad?

I'm usually a pretty laid back person.  I don't let things get to me and I don't hold grudges.  I just keep it pushing and let karma deal with others.  Don't get me wrong, I do get frustrated from time to time especially since I work in fast food and retail.  My jobs aren't the source of my frustration right now though.  I had a conversation with a close friend of mine last night.  She and I are super close and hang out frequently.  Yesterday she decided to do something nice for her boyfriend for his birthday.  She planned to take him out to eat.  The restaurant they chose was packed so they ended up getting a hotel room.  Still not too sure why they couldn't find another place to eat.  Anyway all he wanted to do was fuck.  She has not crossed that line with him yet so the situation was uncomfortable.  He started to play rough and she had to make him stop.  He fell asleep so she texted me to meet her.  She told me about what happened.  She told me she needed to see me because she wanted to feel safe.  I was fairly quiet during the conversation last night but it's been on my mind ever since.  So now I'm asking myself - Am I mad because she went to a hotel with this dude or am I mad because of the fact that he scared her?  I don't know but I wish I could figure it out so I can move on.

It's Been A Long Time

I can't believe I forgot about this blog.  So much has happened since my last post.  I don't even know where to begin.  There's no way for me to remember and post about all the foolishness that is my life.  Guess I'll try to get back into posting every few days.  I've got a lot on my mind these days and I have to get it out somehow.  I guess taking back to the blog will be my best option.