WTF Moment - I'm Older Than I Look

For some reason, I have been given the gift of a youthful appearance.  Even though I celebrated my 37th birthday a couple of weeks ago, I could still pass for a teenager in the right clothes.  With that in mind, below is an exchange I had with a customer at my store last week.  An older lady approached me while I was stocking shelves and this is what she said:

Her:  How your little young self get to be a manager?
Me:  How old do you think I am?
Her:  You can't be no more than 19
Me:  Mam, I have a teenager at home myself
Her:  (Puzzled look on face) How old are you?
Me:  I turned 37 last week. 
Her:  37? You don't look like you past 19!
Me:  Thanks.  It's a gift and a curse.

She is not the first person to question my age and I am sure she won't be the last. 

Seeing is Believing

My wife decided to go to her hometown this past weekend to visit her grandmother in the hospital.  While she was there, someone took a picture of my wife standing next to the hospital bed.  My wife showed me the picture and asked, "is that how you see me?"  I looked at her and responded "Is that what you see when you look in the mirror?"  I guess seeing the picture of herself next to her tiny, frail grandmother struck a nerve.  Maybe now she sees what everyone else has been viewing for so long. 

Play Your Position

In every successful organization, each member knows how to play their assigned position.  Whether you are talking sports, a Fortune 500 company or your local grocer, people are most successful when individuals have clearly defined roles and goals.  But what happens when a role is not clearly defined?  What happens when someone is not happy playing their position and tries to do someone else's job?  You start having problems which can ultimately lead to failure.  I think I have finally hit that failure point with one of my friends.  I thought I had a clear understanding of my role in her life.  Tonight showed me that I was completely wrong about what she expects out of me.  Oh well.  Back to the bench I go until I learn to play my position.

Late Bday Gift(s) from Mom

So my birthday passed this past Wednesday and as I stated in my previous post, it was lack luster at best.  Well, today made up for it.  I got up this morning and traveled to my home town to get my mother.  We were supposed to go shopping for a prom dress for my oldest daughter.  We hit the mall and were able to find a dress she liked as well as some shoes.  Then it was time to splurge on me.  My mother took me to the local home depot and told me to pick out a new mower to replace the one that was stolen last summer.  How's that for a gift?  I was complaining about getting lawn equipment for my birthday previously and now I am thrilled as hell to receive it.  Isn't life funny?  One thing about mom, she always knows how to put a smile on my face. 

Birthday 2014 - A Day of Blahs

I don't make a big deal out of my birthday most of the time.  I think I was hoping for a little more this year because of what I have been dealing with for the past couple of months.  Today actually played out like any other day of year.  I woke up to discover that my middle child had missed the bus.  After dropping her at school, I came home and waited until it was time to take my youngest to school to register for kindergarten.  After registration, I dropped her at daycare and returned home.  I received a call from my mortgage company wanting an update on when they would receive a payment.  I picked my daughter up from daycare, ate lunch and went to work.  That's it.  I received Happy Bday wishes from my in-laws and 3 friends via text.  Once again, people I thought would call or text me didn't.  I guess I should realize I am not as important as I think I am.  Oh well. 

May Be Time to Search for Another Job

Anybody that truly knows me will tell you that I am not a quitter.  I'm the type of person who sees things through to the bitter end.  I'm the captain who goes down with the ship.  At least, that's how I used to be.  I just can't seem to wrap my abilities around this new job.  Every time I think I am making progress something else screwy happens.  And the truly sad part is, it's hard to find help.  I hate being in situations where my role is that of a leader but I am actually skilled like a subordinate.  After the disastrous day I had today, I am truly thinking about jumping back on the job hunt to see what else is out there.  This shit just ain't for me.

Have to eat my own words

I've been going back and forth for the last couple of days about actually doing this post.  Maybe it's the fact that one of my best friends just moved away.  Maybe it's the fact that my birthday is just over 24 hours away and I am not looking forward to it.  Maybe it's everything.  Maybe it's nothing.  Maybe it's a combination of things.  Who knows?  Let's just get on with this. 

A couple of years ago I fell in love with a woman other than my wife.  For those of you reading and thinking "that's terrible. he should be ashamed of himself," let me take a moment to say "feel free to stop reading at any time."  I truly enjoyed being around this young lady.  There was something about her that drew me in like a moth to a flame.  I wanted to know everything about her - the good, the bad and everything in between.  When we first met, she had lots of walls up due to trust issues.  I was able to break those walls down and so her what it was like to be in love.  It wasn't planned.  It just happened.  Unfortunately, we couldn't be together based on my situation.  Even with that in mind, I told her that I would always be there for her and love her until she met someone else that treated her as well as I did and made her feel safe no matter what.  Fast forward to the present.  She has moved away and met someone.  She told me he is able to provide her with all the things she needs to be happy.  I am happy for her but at the same time I'm feeling some kind of way.  I guess it's because we spent so much time together when she was here.  I can't listen to the radio, drive down the road, smell a sweet perfume, look at flowers, or even sit in my room at home without something reminding me of her.  I haven't talked to her in over a month.  I guess I was hoping that "out of sight, out of mind" would take affect but such is not the case.  I was listening to the radio today and "Let Her Go" by Passenger came on.  I never really paid attention to the lyrics until today.  The song really touched me.  I let her go like I promised I would.  So I have to such this shit up, eat my own words and let her love someone else. 

WTF Moment - Dentist Needed

Working in a drug store gives the opportunity to see all types of people.  This past Friday a young lady walked into the store.  She was wearing some pink shorts, pink Nike's and a tank top.  She asked where she could find KY jelly.  My cashier informed her it was located in the back by the pharmacy.  The young lady looked a little confused.  I told her that I had to walk back there anyway so I would further assist.  We got to the back of the store.  She wanted a small bottle of KY.  Unfortunately, we were sold out (apparently a lot of people in that part of time need lubrication.)  I suggested she get the store brand because it was the same thing just a different name.  She asked "is it a gel?"  I turned to look at her to respond and was completely caught off guard.  All of her front teeth were black and damaged.  She was obviously a drug addict.  Her teeth looked like she had been trying to chew concrete.  I quickly composed myself and told her the store brand was a gel also.  That young lady was in serious need of a dentist.  Actually, she probably needed to see a cosmetic surgery specialist. 

Money Management

My wife received a letter in the mail last week stating she needed a representative payee before she could receive her past due benefits.  We went to the local social security office to get more information.  After waiting for an hour, we finally got a chance to talk to someone.  Basically it looks like I will have to manage her money since she has a history of overspending.  The office worker asked for my bank routing and checking number so I presume the money will be direct deposited into my account.  Hopefully we are one step closer to her receiving some type of income so our house can get back to being stable.  If she thinks I am going to give her any access to my account, she should think again.  In order for us to survive, her money has to be put to the proper use.  I can't take a chance on her mismanaging money again. 

WTF Moment - Hoodtastic

Friday I was at work at my new job.  I had to take the daily deposit to the bank and get some change for the weekend.  I'm not too sure if I have mentioned this in previous posts but the store I work in is located in a not so safe part of town.  Anyway, as I was returning from the bank I saw something that made me do a double take.  There was a guy pedaling a bike while carrying a car battery.  WTF?  Where the hell was the car that the battery came out of?  All I could do was shake my head and return to work.

Breaking Up the Band

I've been going back and forth about this post for the last couple of days.  I think I was hesitant to post it because I don't want to deal with an upcoming reality.  But whether I post it or not, I can't change what it going to happen.  One of my best friends received a job offer and will be moving out of state by next month.  I am truly happy for her because the job is something she wants to do and will allow her to be closer to her family.  It just saddens me a little that I will not be able to see her as much anymore.  I'm sure we will keep in touch via phone calls, text messages and email but there is truly nothing like face to face communication.  My other concern is that once she has moved, the communication will become less and less to the point of almost non-existent.  That's what happened with my other close friend.  We went from communicating daily to me not hearing from her in over a month.  (Partially my fault.  She told me she found someone so I opted to let her dedicate time to being with that person rather that bother her daily.)  I guess the band has finally broken up and it is time for us to go our separate ways. 

When Art Imitates Life

Most professional artists (musicians and comedians in particular) will tell you that the best material they produce is based on some aspect of their real life.  They may/may not change names but the events did happen.  With that in mind, it brings me back to my love of music. I was driving to work the other day and "Can't Raise a Man" started to play.  I thought about a close friend who is going through a situation with her husband and the lyrics really hit home.  Then I started thinking about how many songs have impacted me.  There are certain songs that as soon as the beat starts, I drift into thoughts of certain people and events.  It's true that art imitates life.  It's just up to us to recognize when it happens and to paint a perfect picture. 

Why Did I Get Married?

Earlier today I was on youtube and ran across various wedding dance videos.  Some were father/daughter dances and others were bridesmaids vs groomsmen.  All of them were funny.  While I was watching the videos, a thought entered my mind.  Why did I get married in the first place?  As I sit home alone, the question really strikes a nerve.  My daughters are on spring break this week.  Last weekend they went on a camping trip with their church.  (I had to invest $140 in flashlights, sleeping bags, gloves and gas for the van but it was worth the chance for my girls to have fun.)  Now they are at my mother-in-law's.  Granted I don't get to see them and spend time with them due to trying to work 2 jobs and provide the bare essentials.  It would have at least been nice to see them play in the yard or run around the house.  Oh well.  I guess this is that part of being married that falls under "for better or for worse."  It's better for them to spend time with the in-laws so my wife can enjoy herself.  Worse case scenario they spend the entire spring break here and my house look like the aftermath of hurricane Katrina. 

Time to Take My Own Advice - Definition of Insanity

I'm not too sure where or when I heard my favorite explanation for the definition of insanity.  I do know that it has stuck with me for some time now.  With that in mind, I think it is time that I do one thing most people have the hardest time doing.  I need to take my own advice.  Based on the definition of insanity that I love, doing the same thing over and over will ultimately lead to the same results.  Therefore, I must do things differently.  I'm going to stop trying to help those who refuse to help themselves.  And I am going to try my best to let go of some things that I desperately want to hold on to. 

Yearly Tradition

My birthday is just under a month away so I guess it is time for my yearly workout tradition even though there is truly no need.  In years past I would be sure to exercise in the weeks leading up to my birthday.  I was not exercising to make room for all the cake and ice cream that I would possibly consume.  I was getting in shape due to the "adult activities" which usually took place at my birthday parties with friends.  Our parties used to be for the grown and sexy.  Grown words were used and clothes came off.   Sometime during the course of the night (either by my own accord or after losing a bet) I would end up out of my shirt.  I'm a small framed guy with a fairly toned body.  Nothing like a bunch of females admiring the body you have to keep covered at work to stroke an ego.  Ah the good old days.  Anyway, there will obviously be no party this year but I still plan to be in shape for my birthday.

Do You Really Want Me?

Typical situation happened today with the wife.  Guess I'm just being extremely observant because this is not the first or last time.  This morning after the kids were gone to school and daycare, she stated she wanted to have sex.  I did my usual and said no.  I walked off.  I went back to the bedroom a few minutes to ask a question and she was back asleep.  Are you serious?  Why even ask for sex if you are sleepy?  I guess she was planning on sleeping after sex anyway like she usually does so not getting any just shortened the wait time for dream land.  My main point is this - do you really want me or am I just a convenience for you? 

I Will Always Be Me

Last week a former co-worker reached out to me because she was having problems with her laptop.  Now keep in mind I had not spoken to her since I was fired back in October 2013.  She brought the laptop to my new job because it is close to where she lives.  We talked for a few minutes and she said, "you haven't changed one bit.  you are still silly as ever."  She was absolutely correct.  I have not changed nor am I going to change.  I may adapt my behavior slightly depending on the surroundings but I will always remain true to who I am.  I don't turn off my sarcasm - I just tone it down when necessary.  I will always be me no matter what. 

Upcoming Birthday

I was just thinking about my upcoming birthday.  Based on my current work situation as well as my current stable of "friends," I'm not expecting very much.  I have joked during a few recent conversations about finally opening a bottle of Hornitas Tequila that was purchased for my birthday by some dear friends 2 years ago.  Then again, I will probably be so consumed with work that I will not be able to enjoy it.  I looked at my post from last year and realized my birthday was blah at best.  I guess I have reached a point in life where I don't care about my birthday and neither does anyone else. 

WTF Moment - So Not Sexy

Working in the drug store allows me the opportunity to see all types of people.  Young, old, small and large.  With that being said, a lady came in the other day and I had to try my hardest not to let my face show my disgust with what she was wearing.  She looked to be about 40-something.  She was wearing one of those velour jogging suits.  Problem one was that she had the jacket unzipped about 3/4ths of the way with a tshirt under it with no bra.  Ladies, if your nipples are touching your navel, a bra is a must have in your wardrobe.  Problem two - she turned to walk away and all I saw was ass crack.  So not sexy.  Not even in the least.

I Can't Want It More Than You

I want a lot of things for people in my life.  However, I am constantly being reminded that I can't want it more than the actual person.  Example.  I have a female friend who is not happy in her marriage and has not been for a long time.  I have offered advice and told her what I would do.
I suggested she at least separate from her husband for a little while because being in the same house is not productive for either of them.  I even helped her start searching for somewhere else to live.  She even got an offer from her parents to move in with them until she can re-establish herself.  But guess what?  She is still in the same situation.  I can't want it more than she wants it herself.  Another example.  My wife's weight.  We had talked about this many times and nothing has changed.  She still looks like she is pregnant.  If her medication is the problem, then she should investigate/discuss alternatives.  I refuse to believe her weight gain is solely due to medicine.  If so, the FDA would outlaw the drug.  Laziness is just as big a factor as medication.  But I can't exercise for her.  I purchased yet another Nintendo Wii in hopes of her working out.  No go.  It is collecting dust in a corner.  Oh well.  I tried.