All Eyes on Me

I went to work Monday and I was not my usual happy-go-lucky self.  I had some pending issues on my mind and apparently it showed on my face.  One of my agents sent a message asking if I was ok.  I had to meet with my manager and she asked how was my health.  I spoke to another female colleague before I left for the day and she said I didn't look quite right.  I started to think about what had happened.  I never really pay attention to how many people focus on me and what my mentality is. 

One Week

It has actually been over 7 days since my last blog entry.  So much has happened that I need to share.  I'm pretty sure I won't remember everything but I will do my best to give you most it. 

Russian Roulette

I am starting to think that I am playing Russian Roulette with my health.  I don't really know what each day will bring and it scares me.  I have had several days recently when I realized I was sick and even mentioned it to my peers.  That is not how it is supposed to be.  The past two days at work I have told people that I do not feel well and because of the way I was feeling, it was in my best interest not to comment on a current situation.  I am used to having a bad day every now and then but two bad days in a row?  What's even stranger is that the situations which caused my frustration were completely different but ended with the same results.  I hope my upcoming visit to the doctor helps shed some light on my situation.  Otherwise I will continue to play Russian Roulette until I run out of options. 

WTF Moment

I seriously believe that between my wife and her nephew I could write a book full of what the fuck moments and it would be a best seller.  There is no way this kind of stupidity can be made up.  It is currently 755pm on a school night.  The kids are watching Dora on TV.  I'm here blogging.  My wife, their mother, is in the streets.  Her younger sister is in town for some reason so she opted to ditch her family and go eat sushi.  WTF? You can't see good at night and it storming.  You almost out of gas and don't get paid for 2 weeks.  I sure hope you can borrow some money from your sister since you balling and eating out.  I gots nothing for you. 

WTF Moment

The nephew came home today during his shift (guess he didnt want fast food) and got a bowl of cereal.  While he was here, he received a phone call about something to the effect of some guy hitting his son's mother while the child was there.  WTF?  Why would anyone give this information to my nephew when he is not involved with the baby's mother and this dumb ass is a convicted felon.  (For those of you just joining us and those who need a refresher, here we go.  The young lady in question is the one who got pregnant by the nephew and he denied the baby was his.  He kept saying the baby didnt look like him.  Thanks to modern science, a DNA test proved the little baby boy was the nephew's.)  Fast forward to today. I shrugged my shoulders when he mentioned the incident to me.  As he was about to leave to go back to work, I observed him carrying his sneakers.  Common sense hit me and I told him to leave that situation alone. I reminded him that he is a convicted felon and he needs no run-ins with local law enforcement. 

New Doctor

I received my "new patient" information packet, filled it out and faxed it back the office today. My appointment is next Thursday.  As usual, I am not looking forward to it.  Mainly because I see this as another situation where I have to explain to someone who doesn't know shit about me, what makes me tick.  This new doctor is going to pull all the medical info he can to explain to me how I'm not taking care of myself and not taking my medicine properly and slowly kidding myself.  The paperwork told me to anticipate being there for 2 hours.  All I really need this doctor to do is write a prescription so I can get the one medication that is keeping me alive right now.  Any other information he/she wants to provide will be null and void.  I hate trying to get people to understand that my case is beyond unique.  They have never had a patient like me and this new doctor probably will never have one after me that acts the way I do. 

Unexpected Appreciation

Last Friday I was the recipient of an unexpected gift.  I had been helping some people at work in the absence of their team leader.  They all pooled together and got me a card and bought me lunch.  The thoughtfulness of the messages in the card really touched my heart.  It is times like that when I really don’t mind going that extra mile at work.  It’s nice to know that someone recognizes your talents and is appreciative of your efforts.

WTF Moment

The nephew comes to me today and asks what time the cell phone store opens.  I tell him 9am and he heads out.  A little later he is back talking about he has lost his debit card.  The last time he remembers having it was last night at a gas station.  WTF?  Really?  So now you have donated to someone because they have cleaned out your account.  This boy has got to go.  You have spent $5000 in less than a month and all you have to show for it is a car that needed 2 tires. You have not financially contributed to this household since I was dumb enought to let you stay.  (Sorry buying junk food and then eating most of it yourself does not count as financial contribution)  I can’t deal with this shit much longer.  His presence is starting to disturb me.

Valentine's Day 2012

Valentine’s Day 2012 has come and gone.  It lived up to every expectation I had for it.  I tried to do something nice for the wife and kids.  So this past Friday I got baskets for all of them.  I went ahead and presented the gifts on Friday rather than have them roll around in my car for a few days.  The girls were very receptive.  The wife on the other hand stated she didn’t want a basket.  She wanted to go on a date for her V-day gift.  I looked at her and gave the basket to the girls.  Sunday afternoon I found the contents of my wife’s basket thrown across the floor.  Gotta love her appreciation of someone trying to do something nice for her.  Oh! Forgot to tell you what I got for Valentine 2012.  I got absolutely NOTHING.  Not even a damn happy valentine’s day.  Now I remember why I don’t care about holidays.  They have lost their meaning and focus too much on spending money.

An Offer You Can't Refuse

I prepared dinner a couple of nights ago for the family before I was heading out to my evening job.  The wife and kids sat at the kitchen table while I went to get dressed for work.  When I came back through, my wife mentioned she was working on something for our anniversary and needed to know what day of the week it fell on.  I checked the calendar and discovered the anniversary occurs on a Friday this year.  Her next statement was that she wanted to spend the weekend doing whatever she is plotting.  I asked her to define "weekend."  She said Friday and Saturday would be nice but a 3 day weekend would be perfect.  I looked at her and asked if she seriously thought that I would take off 3 days from both of my jobs.  The next morning I approached her and offered her a deal.  I told her there are 4 months until our anniversary.  I told her that if she could better perform her duties as a mother and wife (i.e.  putting up leftovers rather than leaving then out to go to waste, picking up her clothes in the bedroom, better financial management) I would happily go along with whatever she had in mind for our anniversary.  Her response to my offer - "whatever."  I thought it was an offer she could not refuse.  I guess some people refuse to change even if it is for their own good. 

Keep it in your pants

My nephew just called me from the highway to see how far he was from his destination.  He is currently traveling to his hometown to talk with the Department of Human Services.  Apparently there is a young lady there that he slept with who filed for child support from him over a year ago.  He has not lived in that town in more than 2 years so he was unaware of the case against him.  For his sake, I hope he is able to straighten the matter out and the child is not his.  The last thing he needs is to have to worry about a third child to take care of as well as a third baby mama.  If there was ever any reason for a guy to keep it in his pants, my nephew exemplifies it. 

The Man Upstairs

I did something yesterday I have not done in a long time.  I had a conversation with God.  Granted it was a one-sided conversation because I did all the talking but it was a conversation none the less.  I needed to talk to him about the current state of my life.  Usually God lets me do my thing and when I mess up really bad, he lets me look death in the face and snatches me back.  I have not had any near death experiences recently but I have had a lot of challenges.  I'm wondering which path I should take in life which is not typical.  I'm usually pretty certain about what I want to do.  I asked God to show me a sign.  I asked him to point me in the direction that benefits most of the people I care about.  Not too sure when or if I will see this sign.  I just hope the Man upstairs got my message and is thinking about helping me.

Disappointment

We deal with disappointment throughout our lives.  It starts when we are children wishing for that perfect birthday or Christmas gift.  The big day arrives and that prized possession is no where to be found.  We also face disappointment in people.  We put people on pedestals and consider them better than average.  In our eyes, they can do no wrong.  But then, reality kicks in and we see they are flawed humans just like us.  That's what I am dealing with now.  I am starting to disappointment more and more people who are important to me.  It took me by surprise because I am so used to being so much to so many.  With my newly acquired reality check, I have to pay a lot more attention to what I do and who I do it with or for.  I can't afford to disappointment people.  My life depends on it. 

WTF Moment

Today's second WTF moment comes courtesy of my nephew by marriage. Gotta start adding that label because I told a co-worker he was my nephew and they thought we were blood related.  FYI - I am an only child. Can't do the niece/nephew thing.  But back to the moment.  In an effort to avoid future drama with his first baby mama, my nephew decided he would reach out to the Department of Human Services and put himself on child support.  Things did not go as planned.  First of all, he learned that his baby mother has to put in the request for child support.  Secondly, and this the real WTF moment, he learned that someone tried to put him on child support a year and a half ago from his home town.  WTF?!! So some other girl is claiming you got her pregnant and aren't taking care of your baby? Are you fucking serious? And how the hell are you COMPLETELY unaware? So for the past year and a half no one has tried to contact you at all about this? Sad, just fucking sad. It's times like this that I am so thankful I was not extremely curious about sex when I was younger.  Much like now, I had too much other stuff going on than to lay up with somebody.  O well, different strokes for different folks.  Guess this dumb ass nephew been stroking the wrong people for a very long time. 

WTF Moment

I walked outside this morning with my youngest child preparing to take her to daycare.  A van pulled up and parked.  My first thought was "who the fuck is this and what they want at 730 in the morning?"  A lady hopped out and introduced herself.  She went on to say that she was our neighbor from across the street and that they had recently placed membership at my wife's church.  She handed me a pocket bible encyclopedia book.  She explained that she knew I was working on picking a church and she would love for me to attend theirs when I had time.  I thanked her and she left.  WTF?!! Really? How does someone I have NEVER talked to in my 30+ years of life know so much about me?  One answer.  My stupid ass wife.  Why are you telling people my business?  You would think that after being together for over 15 years she would have learned by now that I am a private person.  I don't advertise to those I feel don't need to know.  I wonder who else she has been blabbing to?  Guess when I find out, it will be another WTF moment.

Two Times in One Week

I meant to post this over the weekend but have been so tired that I couldn't do anything but work and sleep.  Last Friday I had another hypoglycemic episode.  That was the second one within five days.  This time it happened at my fast food job.  My hand started to cramp up but I just blew it off.  When the pain continued for several minutes to the point I was unable to utilize my hand, I realized I was in trouble.  I thought my blood glucose was too high but there was something strange about my symptoms.  Then I started shaking.  That could only mean one thing - my blood glucose was too low.  A quick check on my meter confirmed it.  I grabbed a soda and waited for the sugar in it to take effect.  A little while later, all was well once again in my world.  I'm still worried however.  I rarely have low blood glucose.  And this time it took me a while to determine in it was high or low blood sugar.  Maybe that is my wake up call to start managing my disease better.  Two times in one week is too many chances for a trip to ICU. 

Another Restless Night

I had another rough night sleeping last night.  Almost identical to the last one.  I was working on the computer and dozed off in the chair.  I moved to the couch and awoke several times before the blare from my alarm alerted me to the start of my new day.  I'm still unsure of the cause.  I know that I am tired and I know my body wants rest.  I just don't know what keeps stopping me from getting the rest I need. We'll see what happens tonight after a day of working both jobs.  If tonight is no better, it may be time to invest in some type of sleeping aid. 

Rick Ross Money

While I was on my lunch break today, my nephew called 3 times.  I simply looked at the phone because I was running errands and had no time for foolishness.  I texted him back shortly afterward.  He was trying to call to get my advice on what he should do.  Someone was willing to give him $1500 for the car he has.  He had found another car for $2500 he wanted to purchase.  (*Forgot to mention he got his income tax refund today in the amount of $5000) I informed he that the decision was his to make.  If he had the money and that's what he wanted to do then proceed.  And that's what he did.  He came home later and handed me a stack of one hundred dollar bills to hold for him until tomorrow when he goes to pay off his court fees.  (**Also forgot to mention that he got $5000 because he claimed one of his children.  Now the mother of the child wants $2000) Looks like the nephew is going to fall into the trap of so many people at this time of year and take the Rick Ross approach to money...Blow Money Fast!

Restless Night

I had a rough night last night.  I was up until 11pm working on the computer.  I laid my head back in the chair and dozed for a few minutes.  I got up and moved to my couch.  After tossing for a while, I finally got comfortable but didn't sleep immediately.  Eventually I did fall asleep again only to awaken 2 hours later. I went to the bathroom and tried to lay back down.  Two hours later, same thing.  By the time I laid down for the last time, my alarm was going off indicating it was time to prepare myself for work.  I really wish I could say what kept me up last night.  I have a lot on my mind but I don't think I was processing that much.  My blood sugar may have been off but I feel fine.  Guess I really don't know what caused my restless night but I do know it is going to lead to a long day at work. 

How Low Can You Go?

I had a scary moment at work the other day.  I was sitting at my desk and I started to feel myself shake.  I blew it off initially thinking it may have just been a cold chill or something.  When the feeling continued for a couple of minutes, I got worried.  I knew my blood sugar was off.  I spoke with a peer and informed her that I was about to check it and would be right back.  A quick run to the bathroom and finger prick confirmed my fear.  46.  Normal blood sugar ranges from about 70-140.  I always run higher than normal because I don’t function well in the normal range.  Call it crazy but I don’t.  So for me to be at 46 was like being on Death’s doorstep waiting to be let in.  I quickly inhaled a candy bar and a soda in hopes of recovering.  My peer checked on me again.  I told her I was in the process of getting better but it would take time.  I let her feel my heart rate since it was extremely elevated due to the hypoglycemia.  A shocked and concerned look came across her face.  I told her not to worry and that I would be ok.  After a short period of time, the candy bar and soda kicked it.  I started to feel slightly better.  I was able to complete my day without visiting the emergency room. Times like that remind me of how important it is to take better care of myself.  I really don’t want to find out how low my blood sugar can go before I reach the point of no return