Thursday, October 31, 2013

Visit with the Psychologist - Hour 6

I went to see my psychologist yesterday to see what ideas she had about my "deep seeded anger" issues.  When I arrived she told me she was running behind because she had an emergency.  While I was waiting to speak to her, another young lady walked in.  Her posture let me know she was the emergency the doctor was speaking of.  I would have rather re-scheduled my appointment than keep this young lady waiting because she obviously needed to talk.  None the less, the doctor saw me.  She restated that my test did not show any pathological illness.  She asked how I was doing with the anger issues we discussed last week.  I told her that I realized I did have a little bit of anger about the condition of my release from my full time job but I got past that by cutting ties with everyone there who were simply associates/co workers of mine.  Friends know how to contact me.  The other source of my anger, my wife, was still a work in progress.  I told the doctor I felt I created the problem with my wife and was unable to undo it.  I couldn't kill the monster I created no matter what I tried.  The doctor suggested that I write a letter to my wife about my "true" feelings.  While I worked on the letter, she spoke briefly with the young lady.  About 10 minutes later, she asked me to read what I had so far.  The letter was a pretty aggressive one documenting my feeling that my wife was not truly concerned about the kids and I.  I also wrote that when she says things like "I love you" I feel that it is out of courtesy and not genuine.  The doctor told me I could finish the letter but not to give it to my wife because it addressed various issues.  She suggested I bring up one topic at a time.  We'll see how that goes.  I have another appointment next week.  I don't know if I am going because we've identified my problem and I know how to fix it. 

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