I Should Have Known Better

I should have known better.  I should have thought about what I was told and the source it was coming from.  I should have realized that a leopard can't change its spots.  I should have known that you can't teach an old dog new tricks.  I was fed a lie and swallowed it hook, line and sinker.  I should have known that even though she looked me straight in my face and told me she was going to do better, that my wife was not going to change.  I should have known better. 

WTF - Misconceptions

I was at the store with my wife today and she made me think about how easy it is to make a misconception about someone, even if you think you know that person very well.  I was looking for one of those double-insulated cups to take to work to help improve my daily water consumption.  We found some at the end of one of the store rows.  I chose a black cup because as any one that knows me will tell you, black is my favorite color.  My wife gave me a strange look.  I asked her did she also want a cup or what was the problem.  After some more prodding on my part, she finally asked why I chose black.  I told her because I did not want the red, the blue, the orange or the pink cup(s).  She said I should pick one with a pattern and wanted to know why I always picked black for everything.  She said that people might think I am a “dark” soul because of my preference for black.  WTF?!  Just because black is my favorite color does not make me a dark soul.  I have a very warm and friendly personality.  I get along with everyone.  That’s the problem with the world today.  We form misconceptions based on what we “think” about people rather than what we actually “know” about them.

Unexpected Apology

I came home from work yesterday evening and proceeded to give my wife a rundown of my day as I prepared to go to my second job.  She walked up to me and said, “I owe you an apology.”  Now usually these statements are followed by how she has wasted money on something we did not need.  This time, however was different.  She told me that she was sorry for not being the wife that I deserve and that she was praying for us.  Apparently, the books she got for her birthday have caused some epiphany that years of me begging and yelling could not get through to her.  We will see how long this lasts and how far it will go.

Scent of Attraction

I am a firm believer that scent controls the way we see the world.  With that in mind, I think that it is ultra important to know what scent works well with your particular body chemistry.  To be in the presence of a woman wearing a perfume or body spray that matches her natural aroma sends shivers through my body.  I often joke with my female peers that I could just eat them up for smelling so good.  I have learned through trial and error that light fragrances work best for me.  I am not a “musk” kind of guy.  I currently have a couple of colognes that I live by along with four various body sprays.  A couple of weeks ago at work one of the agents needed my help.  I leaned over her while reading something on her computer and she commented, “Ooh you smell good.  What you wearing?”  I answered her question and moved on.  A few days later, the same agent came to my desk for assistance with another problem.  I was wearing something different on this day.  She made the statement, “There you go smelling good again.”  I laughed it off.  Last week, this same young lady again needed help.  As usual I walked to her desk and stood close enough to read the notes on her screen.  She leaned toward me and took a deep breath.  She then made the comment, “You know you always smell good.”  I am starting to wonder if she is just making those comments or if she is attracted to me.

WTF Moment - You Must Have Bumped Your Head

This upcoming Sunday is the nephew's birthday.  Initially after his wreck, I agreed that his girlfriend could come over to celebrate with him.  Obviously, since that first conversation, some things have changed.  Today as I was driving to work, he called and asked if he could use our van to drive to pick his girlfriend up.  Before I could even think, I had responded with "Hell to no nigga.  You know you ain't got no insurance and mine wont cover you."  Once that response had left my lips, I started wondering, What the Fuck was he thinking?  Oh well.  We all know how that ended.

WTF - I Feel Like Eminem

FYI - before you read any further, this entry is not for the week stomached.  Continue at your own risk.

So I was using the bathroom today like most normal people.  My wife was looking for me and decided to mess with the door.  I thought I had locked it but apparently the lock no longer really works because she walked right in.  Now most people would have laughed this off and closed the door.  Oh No.  Not my loving wife.  She decides to waltz right in and sit on the tub.  She then proceeds to have a conversation with me.  WTF?!!  Can't you see I'm tryna take a shit?  Can I get a little privacy?  Add to this the fact that my 3yr old is looking for "mommy" and decides to open the door.  This was the most uncomfortable bathroom break ever.  Now I truly know what Eminem meant when he said "cant take a shit without someone standing by it."

Can't Afford to be Healthy

Don't let the title throw you off track.  The reason I say I can't afford to be healthy is because currently I am unable to financially manage my disease.  Anyone suffering from a chronic disease will tell you that they get expensive quick.  When you have medicine that you have to take daily and monthly appointments, medical expenses become worse than utility bills.  I am currently in that type of situation.  Somehow I allowed my prescription my some of my diabetic testing supplies expire.  When I called the discount company to refill, I was told they needed to talk to my new doctor.  That was two weeks ago.  So for the past couple of weeks I have been flying by the seat of my pants, praying I don't get sick.  Yes it is possible to buy what I need off the shelf without a prescription but the cost is more than I am willing to pay.  Based on what I need and what I have available, I can't afford to be healthy.

Holiday - Smoliday

Most people look forward to the holidays.  Time off from work.  Time to spend with family and friends and enjoy life.  Not in my world.  This past Labor Day Holiday simply meant that my kids did not have to go to school and I was stuck at the house during the day dealing with them.  I still had to go to job #2 that evening.  Holidays work for people who use them for their true purpose.  In my world, a holiday is just another day on the calendar.

Being Petty

My wife and I were talking a couple of weeks ago and I learned how truly petty she could be.  We were discussing some of our favorite foods.  We got on the subject of candy bars.  She asked if I knew what her favorite one was.  I narrowed my choices to two and said it depended on if she had a cavity as to her preference.  She informed me that I was incorrect, partially.  Over time she had learned to love one of the candy bars I named.  Previously she had another favorite.  But, she the name of the candy bar was also the name of someone I was intrigued by during our college years but prior to our marriage, she stopped eating them all together.  All I could do was look at my wife and shake my head.  There is no way in the fuck I would stop eating my favorite candy because of someone's name.  But who am I to talk?  I'm not a petty person.

TH - Then and Now

This is one of those instances when I have too much time on my hands and read way too far into a situation.  I currently have a co-worker that I have taken a liking to.  Not only is she physically attractive but she is also very smart.  My ideal type of woman.  I am well aware that nothing could ever happen between us because she is happily married with children.  The friendship line was drawn in our sand long ago.  But the more I think about it, it's funny how life plays with the emotions.  She has the exact same initials as someone I was attracted to years ago.  She has one more syllable in her first name than her last name, just like my previous crush.  Both are/were slightly shorter than me with gorgeous hair.  Both are/were about business first and everything else second.  I wonder if life is telling me to check on my previous friend.  I haven't talked to her in years.  Or maybe life is trying to tell me to permanently close those doors.  Those are adventures I was never meant to pursue.  It didn't work out then and it sure as hell won't work out now.

Release Therapy

Call it laziness.  Call it fatigue.  Call it a combination of the two or none of the above.  I have been telling myself that I was going to blog about the events of the past week and a half but have failed to do so.  Maybe it was because I really don't want to throw out much of what has occurred.  Then again, maybe I just needed time to process and make sense of some situations.  Whatever the case, I'm going to blog about as much stuff as I can before I collapse into a sleep.  I've got to get some of these thoughts out of my system.  This is going to be my personal attempt at a little release therapy.

Why Me?

Last Saturday, I found myself in a very jacked up situation.  I had promised to pick someone up from work and take them home.  I had also promised to take the nephew's girlfriend home that night once I left work.  As I left the store Saturday night, I looked at my dashboard and it read "low tire pressure."  What the hell?  I got out and my back driver side tire was as flat as it could be.  I was the only person at the store so I had to change the tire by myself?  I texted my co-worker and explained I would be late due to the tire.  I did the same thing with the nephew's girlfriend as I frantically fought with the tire.  I called a friend and asked could I use her car to drop them off because I did not trust the spare tire on the highway.  Minutes later I received text messages saying each of them had found an alternate way home.  I was able to get the tire repaired on Sunday.  But why me?  Why when I try to be a good samaritan does the universe decide to kick me?

Financial Blessing

We received a financial blessing last week to help us through the current tough times.  My wife received the money from her retirement fund.  With that money we have tried to make a little headway in our financial situation.  We paid the van off so that should free up some money on my end.  We also paid off her store charge card.  The rest of the money is being used for miscellaneous things like replacing the windshield in her van and fees for the kids.  Hopefully this financial blessing will be a step in the right direction.

Devil at Play or God's Will?

A lot of things have happened in my life during the course of the last week.  Some good, some bad and some I am still working on.  Let's start with last Wednesday.  Due the anticipated increased volume due to Hurricane Isaac my manager asked me to come help at the store last Wednesday.  No complaints from me.  I'm all about getting an additional 8 hours on my paycheck.  That afternoon I received a phone call from the nephew.  He told me he had just been involved in an accident an he needed me to come get him.  Once I confirmed that he was ok I told him to call his Aunt because she was a lot closer to him than I was because I was at work.  He ended up going to the hospital because during the accident the driver side of his car impacted with a concrete wall.  He also was dumb enough to unbuckle his seatbelt to try and protect his girlfriend while the car was spinning out.  So the car is totaled and since he had not paid his insurance at the time, the company dropped him and will not assist with repairs or getting a replacement.  He has seen 2 doctors since then and is on a muscle relaxer and a pain reliever.  Needless to say, my plan to put his ass out at the end of this month has been postponed.  When I thought about the fact that he will still be here, I said to myself, "This aint nothing but the devil fucking with me."  One of my co-workers brought up a good point.  The accident may have been God's way of keeping him with me because I still need to teach him about being a man and a father.  We'll see who is running the show...God or the Devil.

WTF Moment - You Want Me to Babysit?

The nephew is always good for a WTF moment.  He never fails to ask or do something that is beyond the comprehension of most people.  He decided to call me last night while I was at work to ask me if I could spend my day off watching his one-year old while he paid bills and ran errands.  WTF?!  Why in the hell would I babysit for you on my day off?  Especially considering the fact that you not going to pay me for doing it?  Nigga, you done fell and bumped your head - hard.  Watch your own child.

I Want That Old Thing Back

I want that old thing back.  I want to get back to how I used to be.  I want to get back to not having to worry so much about working.  I want to get back to having fun.  I want to get back to watching tv shows each week.  I want to get back into video games.  I want to be able to chill with friends.  I want that old thing  back.

Help Me Understand

My wife and I were talking today which led to her becoming frustrated.  She said to me, "I wish people would understand that mental illness is a disease."  My response was that I understand that part.  It's a disease just like my diabetes.  But in order to get the help she needs for her disease, she has to do like me and talk to people to help them understand what is going on.  The average person has little to no knowledge of a serious medical ailment unless it has personally affected them or a family member.  That being said, I told her that I understand she has good and bad days, hell so do I.  But I don't let the bad days outnumber the good.  I don't let my disease control my life.  I just want her to understand that she can be in control of her life and back in charge if she really wants to.  Otherwise my lack of understanding will continue.

No Extended Stay

The nephew called me today and informed me that since they had cut his hours at work, his check was not as much as it normally it.  Due to this and his financial obligations (court fees, child support, car loan) he was basically in the hole before he started.  He wanted to know if I would reconsider my ultimatum and allow him to stay with us a little longer.  A simple one word answer was all that was necessary. "NO!"

People Dont Know Me

I had to give an associate of mine a ride home from work tonight.  When we arrived, she invited me in to meet her brother because the two of us had never formally been introduced.  I spoke to him and his guy friend.  Did I mention that her brother is gay?  After a few minutes of chatting, I told her that I needed to get home and get some sleep.  As I was driving home, I received a text message from her.  This is how the conversation went.

Her:  These fools so stupid
Me:  Now what?
Her:  They said you got sugar in your tank.  I told them that you are not gay.  They said you are undercover. They so stupid.
Me:  I like eating pussy too much to be gay.

End of conversation. Please don't try to judge me in you don't know me.

Doctor's Visit

I went to the doctor yesterday for my one month follow up.  Considering that I had not been testing like I was supposed to do to other things going on in my life, I was expecting to get a tongue-lashing.  The visit was quite the opposite.  My A1c was actually in the single digit range. Granted it was 9.6 which is still in the high zone, me being in single digits is quite an achievement.  I found out that I have lost 3 pounds in the course of a month.  Not good.  I can't afford to lost any weight. I'm sure my bad habits of eating junk food all the time and not eating meals throughout the day are to blame for the weight loss.  The doctor told me I need to continue on the path that I am on but turn it up a notch.  I need to test more often to know exactly what my medicine is doing to me.  I need to eat more (which is something you almost never hear in regards to a diabetic) to gain back the weight I lost and then put on some more pounds.  All in all, the visit went better than I anticipated.  My focus now is to improve even more before my next one month follow up visit.

No More Handouts

The nephew tried to call tonight while I was at work.  As usual I ignored his call.  I was sure he was not calling about anything life or death.  Otherwise he would have sent me a text.  A little while later he showed up at the restaurant.  He asked if he could get some free food.  I politely told him know.  This is a part of the lesson I am trying to teach him.  A while back I told him about hookups.  Hookups are nice to have but you can't rely on them all the time.  Granted I had given him free food on occasion in the past but considering he has lived rent and utility free for almost a year he can afford to buy something to eat.   Whether he buys something to eat or not, the fact remains the same, there are no more handouts.

Off her Meds

My wife decided to text me while I was at work today to let me know that she had a confession to make.  I knew this was not a conversation that I really wanted to deal with while at work but she seems to have a knack for only wanting to have these serious conversations via text or email.  She can't deal with me face to face.  Anyway, I prepared myself for whatever she could through at me, I thought.  I was hoping for her usual "I spent money we don't have on something we don't need."  Instead she decided to tell me that she had not taken her medication for a couple of days and that she had been flushing the pills.  She went on to say that she wanted to be better and off medication.  I thanked her for her honesty and told her she needed to consult with her doctor or his nurse to see how her body would react without those drugs in her system.  She was not fond of that idea.  I left it alone at that point because I saw no need to get upset at work.  Later in the day she spoke with my mother who convinced her to start taking the medication again.  I don't know the conversation consisted of but I am glad the wife is no longer off her meds...for now.

Opening Up

I recently realized that I have changed a lot in the last year or so.  I have started to open up a lot more.  There was a time in the past when my personal life was a mystery to my co-workers.  They knew I was married and had kids but that was it.  These days, I share a lot more information about my home life with my peers.  I am still careful as to who I tell what because some people can't be trusted with certain information.  For example, I work with a young lady who recently started seeing a therapist.  I let her know that my wife sees a therapist in that same building.  Normally, I would not divulge that type of information.  I have started to tell peers about the kids and their happenings at school.  I have even shared with some close people things like the fact that I sleep in a separate room than my wife.  I'm not too sure if it me becoming more comfortable with the people I work with since we have been together so long or if this release of information is therapy because I keep so much bottled up inside.  Whatever the reason, like a flower in the spring, I have opened up for people to see more details about me.

You and I are different

This week my job was celebrating a major milestone.  I was on one of the committees to help things run smoothly.  The actual celebration occurred on my normal day off but I chose to attend any way and help any way possible.  I ended up spending about 6-7 hours total at work on my day off.  Several of my peers who actually were supposed to be at work kept looking at me sideways.  I joked with them about the fact that I was working on my day off when in fact, I was there having fun.  It wasn't too long before one of them commented, "Oh. You just here so you can get a free day off."  I replied, "That's not why I'm here."  In my mind I thought to myself, you and I are different.  What sense does it make to work on a scheduled off day just to get another day off?  Especially since I rarely miss work anyway?  It is times like that when I realize I live by a completely different set of values and standards than many of my co-workers.

WTF Moment - Who's That Sleeping in the Bed 2?

I came home from work last night and as I walked into the house, I almost tripped over a child's car seat.  I did not recognize it as one of the ones we use.  I shook it off and walked to the bedroom to gather clothes for the next work day.  I walked into the room and was greeted to the site of my wife, my youngest and the nephew's one year old all in the bed asleep.  WTF?  The nephew has a room in our house that we have graciously let him occupy for damn near a year.  Why is it necessary for his child to sleep in a different room?      Sometimes all you can do is accept a situation and shake your head.

WTF Moment - Who's That Sleeping in the Bed?

I came home Saturday night from work and noticed a strange car in my driveway.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary looking at the house so I figured it was my nephew in someone else's car.  I walked into the house and put my stuff down.  I walked to the bedroom to gather my work clothes for the next day.  I walked into the room and was greeted by the site of my sister-in-law and wife asleep in the bed.  WTF?  Did no one think it was important to let me know that we were going to have a house guest, even if only for one night?  Good thing I don't sleep in the bed with my wife.  

I'm A Flirt

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a flirt.  Yes I'm married and have kids but I still act like a flirt.  It's not that I do it to try and make any gains.  I really think it is part of my character.  Blame it on my Aries zodiac sign.  Last week at the store we had one of those days where several very attractive ladies, young and old, came in.  I was joking with the other employees about a few of them.  The other manager told me that I was too old to be acting that way and that I was trying to see if I still had game.  I looked at her and said I know I still have game.  I have a certain charm about me that most people can't resist.  It's just who I am.  I'm a flirt.

I'm a Hustler

As with any fast food job, we are always encouraged to try and upsell additional products to customers.  I had a customer walk in last week and order 2 single topping pizzas.  I explained she could get some additional toppings at no extra charge.  I then talked her into getting a couple of side items.  Once the transaction was complete, she looked at me, smiled and said "You're a hustler.  I had no intention of spending that much money but you made it all sound so good."  I laughed and thanked her for her purchase.  I thought to myself, "Yes, I am a hustler.  More than you will ever know, mam."  

Showing Appreciation

Yesterday was one of those rare occasions at work where I was showed appreciation and it made me feel special.  One of the other groups was having a potluck yesterday.  They had mentioned to me previously but it had slipped my mind.  I heard them talking about the food during the early hours as lunch approached.  They went to lunch and had the potluck.  A few minutes later, the team supervisor walked up to my desk and said, "Come get something to eat.  They sent me out here and said to be sure that you got a plate.  You always take care of us so we are returning the favor."  I went in and grabbed some food and thanked every single member of the team for their hospitality.  It's times like that which make everything I do worth it.

Death Comes in 3s

Sometime during the course of my life, I heard the expression "Death Comes in 3s."  I don't know if this "3" was supposed to be three strikes and you're out or if the three represented the Holy Trinity.  What I do know is that between two people in my life, there was a total of 3 deaths.  I thought there were only 2 deaths last week and was anticipating a third.  I learned yesterday the third had occurred and I was unaware.  I hope that completes the process this time and my friends can move on with their lives.  I don't think I can deal with any more talk of death.

Take Some Advice

A few months ago I attended a session with my wife and her therapist.  Based on what was said in the meeting, the therapist presented the option of applying for disability to my wife.  This was not to say that she could not work.  It was simply a way of saying she may not be able to handle all the stressful daily functions she was dealing with while coping with her depression.  Last Monday I spoke with her doctor minutes after they finished a session.  He basically told her the same thing. She asked me if I thought we would be able to survive if she applied for disability.  I explained to her that we would have to make the most of it because we could not survive without her contributing financially to the household.  I need her to take some advice and apply for disability.  Our livelihood depends on it.

Then There Was One

We've finally reached the breaking point.  This marks the first month my household income is strictly what I bring in.  Sure the nephew stays here but that sorry bastard hasn't given me a dime toward any household bills since he move in at the end of 2011.  My wife received her last check as a teacher at the end of July.  She is looking for a job (I think) but nothing has panned out just yet.  We'll  see how long I can tread water.  Understanding that I truly don't know how to swim, I am sure this cannot and will not last long.

Working for Nothing

The nephew learned a rough lesson last week.  Based on what he told me, the Department of Human Services decided to take back child support from him in addition to the regular amount he owed.  Add that to the fact they based the amount on when he was working 2 jobs and not just one and you will see his problem.  They took his entire check for child support.  It actually caused his account to be overdrawn.  He basically worked two weeks for nothing.

Harsh Reality

I had to give the nephew a dose of harsh reality yesterday.  He tried calling me several times while I was at work.  First of all, I didn't want to talk to him.  Second of all, if it is that damn important and I am not answering your calls, send me a text message.  I was about to leave for lunch when he called for the third time.  I was waiting on one of my co workers to walk outside so I answered the phone.  He said he realized now that he has too much free time because he is only working one job. He wanted my opinion on whether he should look for a second job.  At this point, my co worker walked outside and got in the truck.  I told the nephew that he should look for a second job.  I told him that I was unable to imagine how he has lived rent and utility free for almost a year and been unable to put away any money.  I reminded him that by the end of September, regardless of whats going on in his life, that I need his ass moved out of my house.  My co worker could only look and shake her head.  She couldn't believe the words that had just come out of my mouth.  She could not believe that I gave the nephew some harsh reality to deal with.

Secret Potion No Longer Works

I go through this phase every couple of month.  I start to get really tired from working so much and pushing myself to my physical and mental limits.  I start microsleeping at both jobs.  In order to offset the sleep, I turn to energy drinks.  Redbulls, Monster Energy Drinks and 5 Hour Energy shots are my weapons of choice.  The problem with using them is that after a while, like with any drug, my tolerance gets higher and I basically become immune to them.  I'm at the point now where I drink 1-2 of something daily and I am still dozing off. Guess it's time  to let them go again.  They have become a useless waste of money.

Can't Win for Losing

One of the pieces of equipment at my job failed last night right before close.  It was not an emergency issue at the time.  I alerted the opening manager this morning to the problem and told her that I would come by to try and help fix it.  The repair was beyond what we could do so we had to call the company that installed the equipment.  I waited around until the repairman showed up to find out what the cause was and how we could prevent it in the future.  Did I mention that today is my day off so I was doing all this because I wanted to, not because I had to.  The machine was repaired and all was well, I thought.  I called the store manager to let him know everything was ok.  He response was to tell me to stop working off the clock and go home.  First of all, I was not performing any duties related to my normal job function so technically I was not "working off the clock."  Secondly, I thought I was showing initiative by following through on the repair because the problem occurred during my shift.  O well. Sometimes you can't win for losing.

I Have a Gift

Building on my previous post, today I had a conversation with an old female acquaintance.  I asked about how she was doing and the usual small talk.  We revealed to me that she had an image problem and was continuing to take drastic measures to maintain the image she wanted.  I quickly let her know that she was beautiful regardless and the path she was taking could end in disaster.  Another friend came to me and discussed some personal health issues they are currently dealing with.  It's days like this that I think I have a gift.  People are comfortable around me.  They feel they can be themselves.  They can let their guard down and let loose.  I am happy with the gift that I have and plan to continue to use it for the good of all those I can touch.

Trustworthy

I was chatting with one of my co-workers today and she decided to reveal some information that I am sure only a few select people are aware of.  I've been thinking about what would prompt her to trust me with this knowledge.  Then I remembered a conversation earlier in the day.  She told me that she felt like she could come to me with anything because I was trustworthy.  Anything that she said would go no further than us.  I'm happy she feels she can confide in me.  I plan to do everything in my power to help her through her problem and further cement her trust in me.

Jumping to Conclusions - The Landing

The day after the "Jumping to Conclusions" incident, my manager pulled me to the side and spoke to me again.  He also had a separate conversation with his informant.  He then brought the two of us together to clear the air.  He informed me that he could understand my line of reasoning and while good in theory, the execution needed a little work.  He went on to explain to his informant that I made the right decision.  I'm thankful that he was willing to listen and try to understand why I did what I did.  I just hope that his informant was taking notes.

Resist the Urge

I had to resist the urge to choke a bitch on Monday.  One of my subordinates at work is an older lady.  She has probably been working longer than I have been alive.  I was giving her a performance review and trying to explain that she was not meeting the company standards.  I went on to explain part of the reason was her continued desire to go above and beyond for the customers.  Now don't get me wrong.  I am all about customer service.  But I am also about policy and procedure.  We work in the tech support department.  It is not in our job description to do anything with a customer's bill.  This woman, however, constantly feels the need to contact the billing department on behalf of the customer to request monetary compensation.  For some reason, she decided to start telling me that her stats were bad because she was always fixing the problems created by other tech support personnel.  It took everything in me to not reach across the table and grab her.  Other tech support personnel are meeting company standards.  Maybe rather than trying to bad-mouth them, she should talk to them and get herself in line with what the company wants.

Truth Be Told

I had a conversation with my boss about Friday night's incident.  I explained my reasoning for what I did.  He let me know that he could understand my logic in the decision but stood firm that the choice I made was not the best one.  He went on to inform me that the person he talked to exaggerated what actually happened Friday night which is what prompted his return to the job.  He decided to have a conversation with both of us together.  He asked her to explain to him again exactly what happened.  This time, with me standing there, the situation was not as dire as she told him initially.  It's amazing what happens when the truth comes out.

Jumping to Conclusions

I was taught long ago by a good manager to never jump to conclusions.  The problem with jumping to conclusions is that most people don't take the time to determine where they will land.  People end up hurting themselves and possibly the people around them as well.  Such was the case last night.  Based on information from another source, my manager jumped to a conclusion.  I received a verbal assault and my job was threathened.  After this happened, I explained things from my perspective.  I agreed with my manager that a mistake had occurred but not to the degree at which the other source described.  My manager, being the person they are, looked at me and didn't even apologize.  Pride would not allow it.  I really don't think an apology would have helped at that point.  Last night's situation just let me know that my tenure with this company is probably coming to an end.  I have gotten in more trouble in the past 6 months than I have in a 11 year career with the organization.  I can't continue to deal with people who assume things and in the process make an ass out of themselves and me also.  I need people to stop jumping to conclusions and to look before they leap. 

God's Will or The Devil at his Best

I'm not too sure which higher power is currently at work in my life.  As I try to step back and make sense of the situation, the lines are becoming more and more blurred rather than clearer.  Yesterday, as I prepared to leave for work, my wife told me that she needed to tell me something that was going to upset me.  She asked if I wanted to know at that point or later.  I told her to go ahead and tell me because waiting was not going to change things.  She informed me that she had knowingly gone out and spent money that we do not have on bibles.  I simply said ok and walked off.  I couldn't even deal with it at that point.  Right now, I am trying to figure out are the bibles supposed to be a sign that God is going to get my family through the upcoming tough times?  Or was my wife's purchase of the bibles simply the Devil's way of getting another punch or kick in while I am down? 

Job Hunt Continues

Yesterday my wife received her last paycheck as a school teacher.  The good news is that she was able to pay a couple of bills and get us pointed in the right direction.  Bad news is that that was her last paycheck.  My wife continues to look for another job but is not receiving any callbacks.  I have told her that she may have to expand her selections and start looking anywhere and everywhere for a job.  Some income is better than no income.   Hopefully her job hunt will lead to success because I don't know how long I can take care of her and 3 girls on just one income.

Little Money in, Lotta Money out

Today was one of those days where it seemed no matter how hard I tried, things just were not going to go my way.  My day started off with one of our dogs going to the vet for her yearly shots which were overdue.  This turned into a $216 visit and some bad news.  My dog tested positive for heartworms.  The good news is that she is young and it is possible to treat her.  The downside to this is that it is a 3 month process and costs $700.  The next financial jab that I received was my wife’s contacts finally showing up at the eye doctor.  That was a $267 investment into her vision.  And finally for today, was the knockout punch.  I called a company to come check the central heat and air unit in my house because it was not cooling.  The repairman came out and looked at things.  He basically told me that the entire unit was wasting money and needed to be replaced.  He called a salesman for the company to come out and give me an estimate.  His estimate?  $7000 to $8000 because the inside unit, outside unit and duct work all needed to be replaced.  I tried to apply for financing but was denied.  So now I have to figure out a cost-effective way to keep my family cool for the rest of the summer.  

Test of Faith Results

I quickly learned that I am not cut out to test my faith in the same manner as my co-worker.  He had warned me prior to trying the fast, that people with medical conditions were exempt.  I wanted to try anyway.  I made it about half way through one day before my body informed me of the consequences of my choices.  The good news is I didn't get sick. I was able to correct the situation and continue as normal.  As I sit and type this today, I think that my faith is being tested in other ways.  The question is:  how am I faring?  Am I doing good or failing miserably?  Time will tell and the results of my test(s) of faith will be revealed.

What I'm Worth part 2

Incident two was a major snafu on the part of someone else.  Privileged information was put in the hands of people who did not need to see it.  Amongst this information was monetary compensation.  Once again I was amazed that what I bring to the table is worth so little.  When I learned about this, I had to think long and hard about what to do.  One mind, the dark side of me, said I should give the company just what it pays for.  I shouldn't do more than people who earn more than me.  Apparently they are better at the job and are being compensated for this.  Then my better mind set in and reminded me of who I am and what I do.  You can't really put a price on how good I am at what I do.  Damn, the paycheck.  It's just a way to keep the creditors off my ass.  I am worth more than anyone at my job could ever imagine.

What I'm Worth

I recently found out what I am worth to one of my employers through two separate incidents.  I am approaching a milestone of working several years for my employer.  They reward continued dedication to the company with a gift.  You are provided a website to go to and a range of gifts to select.  At first I was estatic.  Then I decided to see who much the items were actually worth.  $50.  That's what 5 years of dedication is worth.  I have missed less time from this job in the past 5 years than some people who have been hired within the last 6 months.  But it's ok.  It's nice to know what I am worth.  

Been a Week...

It's been over one week since my last post.  I've thought about hopping on the computer and letting the world know what's going on but it just didn't happen.  I'm not too sure if it was the fatigue I have been plagued with the last week or what.  What I do know is that, this is my outlet.  And it's about time I let some shit off my chest.

Attractiveness

I remember hearing a comedian once say, "I may not be the best looking man in here but I got some cute features."  I live my life with that mentality. I know that I am no where near being super attractive physically to most women.  I accepted that a long time ago.  I was talking with a co-worker and she asked was I a breast man or an ass man.  I told her that if I had to select a physical attribute that attracted me to a female, it would be her legs.  To me, there is nothing more beautiful than a woman wearing something to show off toned legs.  But more important than that, I told my co-worker that I wasn't too much into physical stuff.  I explained that I can manufacture a pretty bitch.  I can buy hair, contacts, make up, breast implants or reduction, booty injections etc, to create a physical masterpiece.  But I need someone I can hold a conversation with.  I don't need an armpiece - that's why I have a watch.  I need someone that can go toe to toe with me in a verbal battle of wits.  Now if the young lady is cute and able to verbally joust me, she is a winner.  I used to feel this way about my wife.  But somewhere down the line, she lost the attractiveness that I feel in love with. 

Test of Faith

I work with 2 gentlemen who worship Islam.  Yesterday was the first day of the ninth month of the Islamic calendar.  For the next month, between 4am and sunset, they will fast.  They will not eat or drink anything during this 16 hour part of the day.  I told them I would try to make it thru one day just to experience it.  I failed miserably.  As I focused on the reasons for my failure and ways to make it through, I thought about faith.  Regardless of the God a person worships, it is faith in that God that makes the impossible possible. 

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

I was supposed to get my truck from the shop yesterday but knew I did not have the required money.  I was desperately trying to borrow money to get my vehicle back.  Time passed and I didn’t receive a call from my insurance agent or the repair shop.  I checked the website and it said my truck was ready.  I called my agent today and he called the shop because he thought there was a delay in the repair.  Sure enough, one of the parts for my truck had to be special ordered and didn’t arrive to the shop until late yesterday.  That pushes the repair out until at least Monday.  So I’m still in the rental that my insurance is paying for but that gives me a couple more days to get the money.  Every cloud has a silver lining. 

When I Get on My Soapbox

Every now and then I get on my soapbox.  I stand up and start preaching for anyone willing to listen.  Like any good pastor, my message is directed to a particular person or individuals but anyone can benefit from my words.  Last night I pulled a soapbox on my wife.  She was laying on the couch reading a book when I approached her about our current financial situation.  I told her that I thought it was really fucked up that she spent time playing on Facebook searching for and sending friend requests to her ex-boyfriend but she couldn’t find time to look for a job.  I reminded her that I could not financially take care of all the household bills by myself.  I reminded her that the idea of running a daycare from home would not work unless she got off her ass to find out about local child care laws and if she did not clean and childproof the house.  Otherwise, it was a lawsuit waiting to happen.  I don’t know if it was the coffee she drank late yesterday evening or my speech but she hopped on the computer and put in applications for several places.  We’ll see what happens next.

WTF - Call Ex-Boyfriend

I'm not even going to try and explain this one.  Just read and be dumbfounded.

Her:  Do you have a problem with me calling one of my ex boyfriends?  I found him on Facebook last week sometime.

Me:  Knock yourself out.  You gonna do it whether I agree or not.

Her:  No I would respect your wishes on that.  I play about a lot but I ain't trying to loss my husband.

Me:  Call him. Text him.  Change your status on Facebook.  Do whatever.  I gives no fuck

Her:  I can wait and call him tomorrow night when you're around.

Me:  No need

Me:  I'm not interested in talking to him or hearing your conversation.  Call him whenever

Her:  Never mind I just won't call.  Boyfriend said it's a bad idea all together and I shouldn't have sent the friend request.  (*Boyfriend is a male peer from her last job that she speaks with frequently)

Me:  So you gonna listen to your boyfriend and not your husband?  Why am I even surprised?  Do what you do?

Her:  How do I please you.  What he said made sense.  Ok I'll call tonight and let you know how it goes.  My loving husband. 

WTF?  Really?  So now we seeking out exes on Facebook?  That's why social media gets people hurt. 

Total Loss

I spoke with my auto insurance agent today about the collision last week because the website informed me the determination of liability was complete.  He informed me that we are going to go ahead and say I was at fault for the accident.  That means my insurance will cover the repair of the other vehicle(s) and his/her medical costs.  It also means that once this is done, that’s it.  The other drivers cannot get anything else from me.  Turns out that the other driver I contacted went to the hospital and had a little bruising.  He had $1300 worth to be exact.  Also turns out that his 2000 model year car was a total loss.  The cost to repair would have been around $4000.  The value of the car was only $2800 so my insurance will be cutting him a check.  We are still waiting to see if the 3^rd person involved will seek any monetary compensation. Good news once again is that no one was seriously injured.  I’ll take the total loss of a car over the loss of a life any day.

WTF - We Need Milk

Since she was unable to enjoy all of the excursions on her vacation last month, my wife was due a refund of about $100 from the company.  When the money hit her account, she asked if she should fill up her vehicle.  I agreed this was a good idea because our daughters and still involved in summer activities and I did not want to pay for gas.  She told me she would pick up a few groceries with the leftover money after getting gas.  The following day I came home between jobs to get my work clothes.  I walked in the house and the first words out of her mouth were "we need milk."  I looked puzzled.  Leftover on the table from the night before were cups from a local fast food restaurant.  She went on to explain that we were actually out of milk a couple of days ago because they could not complete the hamburger helper recipe.  WTF?? How in the hell do you get money and go to the store to get groceries but miss key items?  Furthermore, why in the hell are you wasting money on fast food and not getting essential items for the house?  This shit is getting beyond old.  I don't know how much more I can take.  The more I talk to people, the more tempted I am to see a therapist.  Problem is:  I can't afford to be committed to anybody psych ward right now. 

Gimme All The Money and No One Gets Hurt

Based on the conversations I had yesterday with two of my wife's debtors, I felt it was time once again to relieve her of any financial luxuries.  Below is the text message I sent to her AFTER the wine incident in the blog entry prior to this one. 

Me:  Since everyone you owe money is calling me, I need your checks, debit card, JcPenney card, etc.
Me:  Only cards you can possess is driver's license and health insurance. 
Her:  Okay.  :?)

Quick, simple and to the point.  Hopefully she will find another job soon and we can get back on track financially.  Hopefully, it's not too late to salvage my financial future. 

WTF - Wine

Anyone that knows me intimately or anyone that has been following this blog, knows that my wife cannot manage money.  Point blank.  This WTF helps to illustrate this fact.  This is a text conversation I had with her on Monday evening while I was at work and she was home.  Please bear in mind that I spoke with both the debt collectors mentioned in this conversation on yesterday.  Nothing has been changed. 

Her:  Can I have some wine?
Me:  Sure.  Soon as we pay the $1200 you owe JcPenney and $2600 you owe your University.  We'll have some to celebrate. 
Her:  So that a no??
Me:  That's a no.  You must have forgotten that our 7yr old needs glasses to replace the ones she lost and your $250 contacts have not arrived yet and been paid for. 
Her:  I don't have to buy it.  I have some in the refrigerator. 
Her:  Boyfriend say a glass is fine.

At this point in time, I felt it was in my best interest to stop responding.   WTF??? Who says shit like this to their spouse?  "Boyfriend say a glass is fine."  If I had hair, I would pull it all out.

Mo Money

My manager at my fast food job has to go out of town next week on some family business.  His trip is actually a blessing in disguise.  The rest of the management staff will have to take up his slack in his absence.  Add that to the fact that one of the other managers previously requested a day off next week and you get 6-day work week for yours truly.  I am actually scheduled to work 44 hours next week.  I'm sure I will be tired as hell when it is all said and done but until then, all I can see is, MO MONEY!!

Thank God for Insurance

The total cost for the repairs to me vehicle is going to be about $2800.  Thanks to insurance, I am only responsible for $500 of that.  The body shop called and told me my vehicle should be ready on next Thursday.  I'm happy that the repairs will only take about a week.  And I am even happier that my insurance will cover the majority of the repair.  There is no way I could have afforded the repair straight out of pocket, especially with all my current financial woes. Thank God for insurance. 

The Job Hunt

My wife had her first interview in her quest for a new job today.  The position was as a manager at a fast food restaurant.  She has done it before so experience is on her side.  The interviewer informed her he would follow up on Tuesday.  She called to tell me that she felt good after the interview.  We will see how this plays out. 

Dancing with the Devil Again

As I sit here and think about the events of the last week of so, I now realize that my old dance partner, the Devil, is at it again.  It took me a while to relize he has been tapping me on the shoulder trying to cut in on my state of happiness.  But, sitting here, replaying events in my head, I now know that what was once a gentle peck with a a single finger is now a blatant hit on the shoulder with an open palm.  Well, he has my full attention now.  Unfortunately for me and those around me, it came at a great cost.  I usually am able to catch these things but I have had so much going on in mind that I overlooked the obvious.  One thing is clear.  The Devil has decided he wants to dance with me.  I just want to know how long and how tight he is going to hold on to me. 

No One was Hurt

I was in an accident yesterday.  Damaged the front end of my vehicle on the bumper area.  The other car was damaged on the entire front end.  The impact was enough for the other driver's airbags to deploy.  The good news is that even though the airbags came out, no one was hurt.  Cars can always be repaired or replaced.  Human life is irreplaceble.  I'm just still thankful that no one was hurt.

Mental Mistakes

I made a mental mistake at work on Tuesday.  I miscounted some money which made it look like we were short.  When I discovered the error, it was too late to fix it.  I sent a message to my boss to alert him of the problem and that I would come in Wednesday morning to get it fixed.  He called later and tried to get a better understanding of what took place.  I knew he would not understand what happened because it took me a while to determine exactly what I did to cause the problem.  After my explanation, he went on a tirade about me making another mental mistakes.  He reminded me that my mistakes were becoming more frequent.  He told me to get my head in the game.  That's easier said than done.  My problem is that I participate in so many different games, I have to change jerseys and adapt to a different set of rules 4-5 times a day.  That's enough to wear anyone out mentally and physically. 

National No Bra Day

While playing on the web a little while ago, I found out that today is National No Bra Day.  Thoughts started racing through my mind with this discovery.  My first thought was that there are several people that I wish I could assist in celebrating this holiday.  My second and more important thought was that I wish many females, including my wife, would learn that this day only comes once a year.  I understand both sides of the argument about bras.  I see the benefits and understand the pain women go through to look presentable. 

Let the Job Hunt Begin

My wife has finally decided to start searching for another job.  She was released from her duties as a teacher due to her excessive absence from work and not providing proper documentation.  Now comes the fun part.  She has to quickly find a job to start bringing money back into the house.  The real X-factor in this situation is that she managed to fuck up the perfect job in my opinion as it relates to our kids.  With her being a teacher, she was almost guaranteed to have the same off days as the girls as it relates to holidays and staff development.  She would be at home at night with our daughters.  But all that is about to change.  Even if she can find another day time job, I doubt her schedule will be what we need in regards to the kids off days.  Also, you have to consider that she may end up having to work nights.  So now I have to try and figure out what to do with my kids, if we both end up working nights.  Let the job hunt begin and let's see where we end up. 

Something I'm Hiding

We all have secrets.  There are things about us that very few people, if any, know about us.  We keep those things to ourselves for a variety of reasons.  Usually it is because we are unsure how people around us will react to the information.  I am usually a very personable individual.  I like having fun and pride myself on not stressing over things because life is too short.  Stress will only assist in making life shorter.  I like to joke a lot and use sarcasm whenever possible.  It's just who I am.  But there is another side to me.  A side I keep hidden for a reason.  Opposite my usually positive demeanor is a cold, calculating, straight to the point asshole.  That side of me is the truly emotionless side. Growing up in my environment, I had to develop a "I don't give a fuck" attitude to gain respect.  I learned to tweak that so I could be respected and approachable.  Problem is, what people experience today is a very toned down version of that asshole that I keep hidden inside of me.  With all of the challenges I am starting to face in life with work and family, it is getting harder and harder to keep him at bay.  He almost got out at work Sunday.  Luckily I caught it before it was too late.  I don't want people that I like to have to deal with the something I'm hiding. 

Cool Quote

Accept who you are, completely.  Make changes as you see fit and not because someone else wants you to be different. 

Taking People for Granted

I was reminded tonight why it is important to never take people for granted.  Tonight was a typical night at my job.  It was Friday and we were busy as expected.  As the night started to wind down, we began to clean up.  My team knows the list of cleaning duties so everyone picks a task.  One of the young ladies I work with usually cleans several things as part of her nightly ritual.  I never really thought much of it other than it was part of her routine.  She had an emergency tonight and had to leave early.  It was not until she left that I realized how much I had been taking her hard work for granted.  Without her being there, the cleaning tasks you normally performed had to be given to someone else.  Rather than me being able to stand back and manage the team, I had to show someone how to clean because they did not know how.  I realized it was those little things that she did which had the biggest impact.  I am going to make it a point to let her know how much I appreciate everything she does.  I don't want her to think that I take her hard work and dedication for granted. 

WTF Moment

My wife called me on Thursday and said she had some good news and some bad news.  The good news was that she was unable to go on the last excursion of the vacation she took with her mother and sister, the travel company was going to refund a portion of her money.  The bad news was that she had managed to lose her contacts.  Did I mention that she wears gas permeable contacts and not disposables?  When I asked if she had her glasses, she informed me she did not have them with her.  WTF?  How in the hell do you manage to go out of town with our children and render yourself useless?  Only in my world does this shit happen. 

Missing You

While I was at work today, my cell phone began to ring.  It was my wife.  She was calling to tell me that our youngest daughter woke up this morning and was missing me.  I told my wife the decision to go visit her mother and stay the majority of the week, rested completely on her shoulders.  I let my wife know that she was the reason my daughter was missing me. 

WTF Moment

Only my wife can provide this type of comic relief.  The stuff she says and does at times is straight out of a "How Not to be an Adult" book.  My wife sent me a text message today asking if I could put $4 in her checking account.  I thought I misread the message at first so I double checked.  $4.  Really?  WTF??! Not $5, $10 or $20.  Four Fucking dollars.  Who does that?  The answer to that question would be my wife and only my wife.  

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

My wife decided the spend the fourth of July holiday with her mother and the rest of her family away from me because I was scheduled to work.  No big deal. Shit happens.  I spoke to my nephew today and he asked if I had talked to my wife.  I told him yes because she had texted me earlier about something (which will be my next blog entry.)  He went on to say that she called and woke him up this morning.  She asked what he did on the fourth and then started questioning him about what I did. Really?  You have to ask someone else to find out what I did?  Last time I checked, the best way to get straight information was to get it straight from the source.  That's ok.  Her inquiring mind wanted to know what I did for the fourth.  I hope she was satisfied with the "nothing" response she received because that was the majority of my day. 

Another Lonely Holiday

Today is the 4th of July.  It's the day we celebrate the independence of our country.  It's a day off of work for many people.  It's also a chance for families to come together and enjoy each other's  company.  Weather permitting, it is a great chance for some fun in the sun.  I remember when I was younger, the 4th of July meant an awesome barbeque and my grandmother's house.  Uncles and cousins drinking budweiser and playing cards.  Watergun fights for the kids.  Fun times.  This 4th of July I am home alone waiting to go to work.  My wife and kids left yesterday to spend the rest of the week at her mother's house.  I guess I should look at it as the silver lining on a cloud because I can try to get some housework done without interference.  I am a loner for the most part because I grew up an only child but every now and then, I feel the need for companionship.  Every now and then, I don't like dealing with another lonely holiday. 

When Someone Cares

When someone cares, they try to know as much about you as possible.  When someone cares, they know the stuff that's not public knowledge.  They know the intricate details about your life.  The reason they know so much is because they have expressed a genuine interest in who you are and what makes you unique.  I was reminded of this last night.  I was hanging out with a close friend and started feeling bad due to my blood sugar being low.  As soon as the words left my mouth, she sprang into action like a superhero.  Knowing that I am diabetic, she keeps a supply of glucose tablets in case I ever need them.  My wife doesn't even do that for me.  I took a few of the tablets and started feeling better.  That's the mark of a true friend.  That's how you know someone cares about you.  That's how you know someone loves you.   

Me and My Big Mouth

My smart ass mouth almost got me fired Monday.  I had a very rough night at my part time job Sunday night.  I just was not focused on the business and it really showed.  When I arrived to work on Monday, the manager asked what happened.  I looked at him and said I don't know. He reminded me that we had just talked about my performance recently.  He asked if he should take my keys to the store.  I politely handed them over.  I gathered my personal effects and asked if I was suspended or fired.  He asked what action did I think he should take.  I told him he should do what he felt was best for the business.  He looked at me, threatened to beat my ass and told me to get to work.  Gotta be more careful.  Don't think I'll get another opportunity like that again.  My smart ass mouth almost wrote a check that my ass was not going to be able to cash. 

Weight Gain? I Just Can't See It

During my doctor visit last week, she informed me that if I started taking better care of myself and followed her instructions, I would probably gain some weight.  Now most people would not want to hear this information but considering I weigh about 115, I can stand to gain a few pounds.  Here's the problem.  My eating habits are so crazy, even with following the doctor's orders, I don't think I am going to gain weight. Here's how my eating went Sunday.  I got up and went to work.  Breakfast was a bag of chips from the vending machine.  A couple of hours later I got another bag of chips and a candy bar.  We started having problems at work so I got too busy to take an actual lunch.  I left job one and headed to job two.  I ate a piece of cheesebread at job two.  That's the menu for the whole day.  I don't think any of that constitutes a meal and therefore I don't see any weight gain happening.  We'll see what happens. 

Doctor's Orders

I went and saw my doctor last week expecting our usual conversation about my health and needing to take care of myself for me and my family, blah, blah, blah.  I got part of that conversation.  The other thing my doctor told me really got my attention.  She told me that she wanted me to come back in 2 weeks for some blood work.  She also wants me back in 4 weeks for a full workup.  She told me that if she does not see significant improvment in my vitals, she plans to take more drastic measures.  She let me know that she would change my medications and the frequency of my visits.  That was an eye opener. I know I have to do right now.  I don't have time or more importantly the money to start seeing a doctor once a month or more frequently.  I don't have the time or the patience to learn a new medicine regiment.  Looks like I will be following my doctor's orders very closely.

One Step Closer to Victory

I was really concerned about my grade for my last online class.  I procrastinated and did not turn in 2 of the written assignments which dropped me out of A range immediately.  Going into my fnal paper, I had an 80 which is the lowest B possible.  Considering that I turned the paper in 3 days late and taking into account possible grammatical errors, etc., I hoped that I did good enough to get a C out of the class.  Well the results are in.  Guess what?  I got an A on the final paper and a B overall in the class.  That puts me one step closer to my goal of getting my Masters Degree.  I've come too far to fuck up now.  Might have to really start being selfish and taking care of me because I am too close to victory to lose. 

The Cost of Being Sick

I'm well aware of the overall toll being sick can take on a person.  Being sick can drain you emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.  But for the purpose of this post, I am talking strictly about the financial burden that being sick can cause.  My wife got paid yesterday so I was looking forward to paying some bills.  We eliminated the daycare bill for the summer so we could try to catch up on the mortgage.  Life threw a curveball and my wife was only paid half of what she normally brings home.  So we are still at square one with the bills.

Bitch Better Have My Money

First of all, for those that have read some of the previous blog entries, please be aware that the "bitch" in the title is not my wife or the nephew.  I am actually referring to myself.  I am starting to feel like I am being pimped by my creditors.  Work as hard as I can and hustle every way I know how but can never get 2 steps ahead.  They call so much I have all of their numbers in my cell phone so I know who is calling before I answer.  I really feel like a little, scared bitch.

Why I Don't Take Vacation

Now that my vacation is technically over and my schedule is back to normal, I can discuss why I don't like taking time off from work.  First of all, I was on the phone daily with one of my peers from my full time job providing steps on how to get things done.  Granted there are others in the building that could have provided the information but I think she comes to me because I try to empower her on what to do.  In addition to that, one of my direct reports decided to resign during my vacation.  Rather than deal with drama upon my return, I went to the office during my vacation to make sure everything was taken care of.  Now on to the part-time job.  I found it funny that upon my return, my manager decided to tell me how well things went while I was out.  He basically said things ran better without me there.  If that is the case, then put the people that covered my shift in charge.  I will gladly take a demotion.  One mind is telling me that he was simply trying to push me to step my game up.   My other mind is saying what the fuck ever.  And le's not forget, during my "vacation" my wife went out of town with her sister and mother.  Therefore I had to be mommy and daddy during my time off.  Long story short, I don't take vacation because unlike others I don't get the chance to rest and relax. 

You Got Served

It's days like today that make the idea of making the nephew find his own place to stay easier.  I was returning home with my 2 youngest children when a police car pulled up.  The officer asked if the Jones family lived here.  I told him this was the Smith household but that my nephew's last name was Jones.  The officer indicated he was looking for the nephew.  The officer handed my a court summons with the nephew's name on it for July 9th at 10am.  You know it is serious when they hand deliver the document.  I'm 35 years old and outside of my recent jury duty, I have never had to deal with court.  I plan to keep it that way. 

Start the Countdown - Time to Grow Up

I spoke with the nephew yesterday and told him that I need him out of my house by the end of September.  I said this in front of my wife and kids so that there was no chance it could be misinterpreted.  I explained to him that due to my current situation, I could not put my name on anything to assist him so he really has to do this pretty much on his own.  He left the house and went to talk to one of his friends.  He came back later and asked if he had done anything wrong.  I explained that he had not done anything wrong but that this house was not designed for 3 adults an 3 children.  I also explained that I could not comprehend how he has lived bill free as far as rent and utilities for 8 months but has been unable to save any money.  I told him that I am doing this because he needs to be able to stand on his own two feet so that he can take care of his kids.  I told him I would continue to help somewhat but that he had to start making decisions on his own rather than always asking someone else.  I told him that he had to stop being so damn gullible and listening to his stupid ass baby mamas.  I basically told him it was time to grow up. 

And She's Back

The wife returned from her trip yesterday.  She told the girls that she missed them and how she wished they could have gone with her because of all the fun she had.  She showed them pictures and video of all the stuff she did while she was on vacation.  She tried to show me but I wasn't interested.  She talked about how her mother wants to go back.  She talked about how it would be nice if we could go as a family next year.  We could have taken a family vacation this year if she had actually talked with me and tried to plan something for all of us.  Nice to know that she enjoyed herself and that she has come back like nothing happened.  Let's see how things go from here. 

What I Want Vs What I Need

The events of this week have put a lot of things in perspective for me.  Taking a couple of days off have opened my eyes to much I have been overlooking.  I have realized that it is impossible to get what I want out of this life.  Maybe in a previous life or maybe in a future life things were or could be different.  But the choices I have made in this one have set the stage for what seems like a long, difficult road.  That's ok.  I have grown accustomed to not always getting what I want.  I have learned to survive the basic essentials that I need.  I'll leave all the extras for those around me who get to enjoy what they want in life. 

Anniversary 2012 - The Day After

This year's wedding anniversary has come and gone.  I guess in a sense we enjoyed ourselves even though my wife and I were 3 hours apart.  She got to spend time with her mother and sister and enjoy time away from everyday life.  I got to spend time with my mother and daughters and work on getting my house cleaned the way I want it.  I don't know what she has planned for today.  My plan is to continue my cleaning project.  Hopefully by the time she returns, the house will be in order and I can try to get her to help keep it that way.  I'm still just in disbelief that my 8yr wedding anniversary was not spent with my wife. 

Happy Anniversary

Eight years ago today, I stood in front of family, friends and God and said "I Do."  Today, I am home with my 3 daughters and my mother cleaning.  My wife?  She's 3 hours away with her mother and sister on vacation.  Happy Anniversary.  

Vacation 2012 - her side

Based on her decision to do what I consider selfish, my wife opted to invest $1000 into a vacation trip for our anniversary. I could not cosign on this trip because of the increased financial burden she was putting on us. The last straw was when she got paid at the end of May. She still owed a few hundred on the vacation trip. I talked to my wife and explained that we need to take care of the house bills first. We could decide on the trip later. My wife opted to pay for th remainder of the trip rather than pay for our daughter's summer school. This was the thing that pushed me over the edge. I told her that I could not agree to go on the trip. Since the vacation was non-refundable and paid for in full, she was basically stuck. She decided to take her younger sister on the trip. I hope they have a good time.

Vacation 2012 - my version

I decided to do something this year that under normal circumstances I would never consider. I opted to take time off from both of my jobs to have a little vacation. The original plan was to spend a few days out of town with the wife to celebrate our 8 year wedding anniversary. Circumstances changed that plan so I am now spending 4 days off at home. I was hoping to use the days off to finally spend some leisure time with my daughters. Unfortunately, my time off will not be a vacation. I spent $450 to repair a plumbing problem on Tuesday. There went any extra money I would have had to do anything fun. Plus my house is still a disaster area. My eldest has summer school and two little ones have camp. My vacation will be spent cleaning and playing chaffeur. Oh. Did I mention that this is the last week of my online class and that my final project is due? So much for vacation 2012.

Honesty

Blunt honesty is a trait inherent to an Aries.  If you ever want to know the truth about anything, ask an Aries.

Father's Day 2012

Father's Day, like every other holiday, is not a big deal to me.  I am a father of 3 girls. I take care of my kids 365. I don't need to be recognized on one day for that.  But my kids always come through with something to make the day memorable.  This year, with the help of my wife, they cooked lunch for me and delivered it to my job. It was a meat, 2 veggies and bread.  I was impressed and highly appreciative.  It's time like today that really make me thankful that I am a father and not a donor like the bastard that got my mother pregnant.  It's amazing that I am in my mid 30s and have never once had the chance to say Happy Father's Day to my sperm donor. O well.  Good news is that I have no desire to do so.

WTF Moment - God and Sex

I have to set the stage for this one.  I am no longer able to have kids per my doctor.  The following conversation was a text message exchange between myself and my wife on yesterday, the eve of Father's Day.
Her:  Can we have sex tonight?  I wanna make you a father again
Me:  We can have sex but you can't make me a father
Her:  I got God on my side and we make miracles happen
Really?  You gonna play the God card because you horny?  WTF?

Why I Work Hard

Anyone that really knows me will tell you that I work hard because of my daughters.  I work hard to provide for them.  That's the bottom line.  With that being said, today was an example of why hard work pays off.  I was at the store checking out when my cell phone rang.  I answered and it was the manager of the place I have a personal loan through.  He told me that I could come in today and get another $1000 if I needed it.  I declined the offer for the moment and told him I would see him if I needed the cash.  That's what hard work will do for you.  It provides you with options even when you don't need them.  It's times like today that I am hard that I work so hard. 

WTF Moment

The nephew provided a second WTF moment last night.  After I declined to give him any money, he left the house.  Now personally, I was thinking that if he couldn't afford a cell phone bill, he definitely shouldn't be driving around at night, but whatever.  A little later he calls me back and asks if he can borrow one of my phones. WTF?  Most people ask to borrow a phone to make a call because their battery has died.  He wanted to use one of the phones for a "little while."  First of all, there is no way in the hell you are getting my personal cell and calling or texting any chicken head that you deal with.  Cause if that bitch send me something crazy back or calls my phone we are going to have a failure to communication.  Secondly, what is the world makes you think I am going to trust you with my work cell phone?  He must have temporarily lost his rabid ass mind.  But that's ok.  I was awake, alert and fully aware of what I was saying.  I don't think I cursed him too bad.  If I did, he'll live. 

WTF Moment

I see now that I am going to have to start blogging more often.  These WTF moments are about to start rolling in.  This one comes courtesy of the nephew.  For those of you who are just joining our story, my nephew (by way of marriage) has been living in my home for the last 8-9 months.  During this time, I have not made him pay for anything.  He has lived rent and utility free for the entire time.  He has his own room (formerly my younger twos' room) and actually uses one of our laptops.  He's living the good life.  Last night he comes to me and asks if there is anything he can do to make money to pay his cell phone bill.  WTF?  I have down with this boy on more than one occasion to try and set up a budget.  I gives no fuck about your baby mamas conning you into buying stuff.  All I know is that he is tap dancing on my last nerve.  One wrong step is going to be all she wrote for him.      

WTF Moment

This WTF moment is brought to you through the courtesy of my wife and her never-ending attempts to try and get me to do things I don't want to do.  I told my wife last week that I was not going on the vacation with her because of the way she handled our financial situation after we agreed on what to do.  Since that time she has been trying to pull out all the stops to get me to go.  She has tried to make arrangements to get our kids to their summer camps.  She has asked a dozen times what it will take to get me to go.  But the icing on the cake; the thing that rubs that last nerve; is the fact that she has talked to my aunt, my mother and my boss trying to get them to take her side and convince me to go on this trip.  WTF?  I am a grown ass man.  I value the opinions of my mother, aunt and boss but bottom line is I'm going to make my own decisions.  Really though?  Who does shit like that? Common sense should tell her that rather than getting me to agree to the trip she is actually giving me more reason to stay my ass here.  

WTF Moment - Charge it to the Game part 2

A few weeks ago, I posted an item called, Charge it to the Game.  Well, things have unfolded in typical WTF fashion.  My wife and I had agreed that based on unforeseen problems, we would handle household bills first and then take a detailed look into whether or not we could afford the trip.  Well that partially happened.  My wife took care of her typical monthly household bills.  We had the added expense of our child's summer school tuition.  My wife had gotten a small loan so I assumed she would pay for summer school.  And when I assumed, she made an ass out of me (Ass-u-me).  Rather than pay for summer school, she paid off the vacation.  WTF?  How can you put a damn vacation before your child's future?  That's just some selfish shit.  Luckily we were able to pay for summer school with some other money.  But I hope my wife is happy because she has now invested $1000 into an adventure that will get charged to the game. 

Being Noticed

The dress code for my full-time job is business casual Sunday through Thursday and jeans on the weekends.  Typical dress for most business these days that don't have uniforms.  I decided to wear a suit to work yesterday.  No particular reason.  I've worn suits before and will continue to wear them in the future.  During the course of the day I got my usual comments.  "You must have an interview today."  "Where's the funeral?" "How are doing today reverend?"  The list goes on.  I take it all in stride and play along with the jokes.  While walking around the building I ran into one of the managers that I don't see very often because of our schedules.  She stopped, did a double take and complimented my attire.  I thanked her and continued on my way.  It's just amazing how something as simple as a suit can make everyone notice you. 

Two Weeks

I can't believe that I have not posted anything to my blog in the last 2 weeks.  I have not really been that busy.  I kept saying that I was going to add a couple of entries but never got around to it.  Guess I will try to play catch up now and get these ignorant thoughts out of my mind and onto the web.